time is running out. we are left with only 7 more working days to go, for us to spend our time together in the same class. after that 7 days, we'll be going to different paths where we will never be able to see each other again, unless we're very very lucky to be assigned to work together. and that is a very rare case. the percentage for us to be assigned to work together is as low as 1%. so it seems to be a total impossible thing.

for the past few days, i was trying to enjoy and appreciate my time with my fellow colleagues/classmates, especially with this particular friend of mine, who sat next to me. we were supposed to have a great time talking to each other, but due to my sad condition (i have super sore throat), i lost my voice for freaking 3 days of work and i couldn't communicate with him. on the last day of work, that was Friday, out of nowhere, he wrote something on a piece of paper which i believe were lyrics, and he gave it to me. he then told me that he wrote those stuff to his gf when he was a drug addict last time. yes he used to be a drug addict. he confessed that to us during his 4th speech and i think that it's so brave of him to tell us that. it's never easy to say something especially something that's bad about oneself to the public. however i was shocked and surprised when he showed me the paper. i think he wanted to share his past with me, needed a friend to talk to about his past. i don't mind listening to him as i myself wanted to know more about him. nothing more, but just as a friend. he's a guy full with mysteries, awaiting for someone to explore it. i wanted to ask him about his past, especially his life as a drug addict before, but i couldn't do it because of my voice. and i do not know should i ask him or not. well lets just wait and see how thing goes..

YES!! finally i experienced something good during my practical experience today. it was hell a lot better than my first one. i was given an opportunity to do something which i think none of my colleagues got to experience it. well finally i got something nice to say about my practical experience tomorrow when we gather in the class again. at least i won't feel like an idiot when people started talking about how fun and how great their experiences were tomorrow.

we did our first practical experience relating to our job yesterday. we were put into a group of 2, some 3. different group were given different tasks, different venue and different time. i wasn't really enjoying my practical. i was in a group with 2 other colleagues and they were having fun especially Sam. we met up with some other colleagues later and they were talking about how nice their experiences were. when it was my turn, i do not know what to say. it wasn't a very enjoyable one. i was just there, standing like an idiot and i learnt nothing at all. yeah, it could be my fault for not asking anything, but when i asked, the people doesn't seems to like me, they do not want to answer me too. just faced it, i do not have the friendly look. i have the look that everybody hates when they see me. others were saying that they had a great time and i was the only one, sitting there trying to be quiet. i'm going to have my second practical tomorrow, where everyone will have to do it individually. lets hope that it's going to be a GREAT one for me, at least i can say something about the GREAT experience i'll be having.

we, as in my colleagues and i went to the airport today for some working purposes. we were supposed to gather at around 7:15am and depart together but somehow, 7 of us were late. so 10 of the other colleagues went to the airport without us, and they went with the shuttle bus. we decided to drive there and off we go in 2 different cars, speeding on the highway like some crazy maniacs. Rosh and i were in the same car and we have no idea where to park the car because the parking fee in the airport is super expensive. so we were wondering and wondering while following our friend's car from behind. then he drove to the pick-up point at the arrival terminal and he just parked there right in front of 2 police officers. we were shocked!! he then talked to this man standing with the 2 officers and we thought that was his friend. we parked our car there then. we were like the VIPs. fuh..i just loved that moment. and later we found out that, that man whom my friend talked to, is not his friend but his Dad. we were like...COOLLLL!! his Dad is a police officer, a detective sergeant working in KLIA. that experience was a very COOL one.

He is online and i'm chatting with Him now, while blogging here. somehow i felt that He's hiding something from me. i even have this feeling that tells me that He's lying to me too about "this thing" which He thought that i don't know, which in fact i knew. hmmm...sounds kinda complicated. anyhow i do not know why it's bothering me so much. it's not as if there's something between us right now. maybe i dislike Him for being dishonest.

i do not know what is He trying to do. i received a message from Him from friendster yesterday. it was a total shock. He did not use friendster for months and suddenly He's appearing again. but what's the point then, when He's not being sincere and He doesn't even care. yup that's just Him. always there to give you surprises once a while and go missing in action for months. jerk!!

it's Labour Day! yay!! and tomorrow is a public holiday too. just came back from shopping. bought a pair of new Levi's jeans, a pair of long pants for work and a skirt. tried hunting for shoes again, but still couldn't find any. this is so freaking annoying. where are all the nice shoes??!! it's either no size or out of stock. so freaking pissed!!

i had a dream today. He came to Malaysia and yes we had a great time together. but it's all just a dream. am trying to get over Him but suddenly dreamt of Him. well it's alright, it's just a dream.

brought Hailie to the vet in the noon. she couldn't jump nor run for the past few days, i think she sprained one of her legs while chasing after cats the other day. but the vet said that she's fine, no sprained leg but she has an infected paw and ears. Hailie was given 2 injections and a few tablets, as well as a bottle of antibiotic for the infections. it's so sad to see Hailie so moody. she's a very active and playful dog, but now she's so quiet. by the way, Hailie is a toy poodle. love her so much...


My baby, Hailie.

woke up today and my body is aching all over. went clubbing yesterday with my colleagues. it was quite a fun night out, however there were times when things got kinda screwed up too. sigh..suddenly i'm running out of words. forgot what i wanted to write here. anyhow i'm feeling sleepy again. gee..guess i'm too old to party till "early" morning. gonna go get some sleep again... before that, here are some cute pics that i found..


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so confuse. i thought that i will be happy to hear "this news" but i don't. i'm not as happy as i should be. i'm so confuse about this feeling in me. why??

i accidently dropped my freaking bag today and yes, my mobile phone is in there. damn it!! now there's a big crack line on the screen. argghhh...so mad and so sad.

the pictures below are non-animated pictures. they are related to your pressure level. if you see them move, then that means you have pressure currently. the speed of the movement is the level of your pressure. the higher the moving speed, the higher pressure you have. most children and old men see the pictures as non-moving images and keep still. test yourself regularly with these pictures to know yourself better.
sometimes, it is good to have an appropriate pressure to push us to do better, but too much pressure can cause us to the end of the edge. thus be relaxed when you know you have too much pressure inside!


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omg..it's been a while since i last blogged. i've been very very busy since i started my training. having exams almost every week and lack of sleep all the time. i think i'm losing weight when i actually need to gain more weight. darn!! yup life isn't the same now, studying life and working life are totally DIFFERENT. i miss my student life, i miss my room in Ted Lewis Hall, I MISS LONDON. going out later to catch up with some friends. it's been a while since we last met. well everyone is busy with whatever they're doing now. so...

i seriously need to put on some weight. but how? i'm a freaking big eater, ya if you see the amount of food i eat, you'll be surprised. i eat and eat and eat, like what my friend used to say, i can swallow the whole elephant but my weight is still the same, constant 43kg. according to the Body Mass Index chart, i'm freaking underweight. that's so unhealthy. the ideal weight for me is at least 48kg. 48kg?? how can i get there from 43kg??!! there might be something wrong with my body. i ate so much and i couldn't even gain 1kg. so it's either my body couldn't absorb the nutrient or there are worms inside me. my Mum asked me to try deworming myself. deworm?? imagine having worms either dead or alive coming out from your arse. eww...yucks...that scares the bejesus out of me.

i just came back and couldn't wait to blog about this stupid thing that just happened to me not too long ago. after work/class, i went to Subang Parade to meet my sis and bro to go home together. i was wearing "baju kurung" and heck, i just hate people mistaken me as a Malay. do i look like one first of all??!! of course i know that i look a little tan, but still i believe i have that typical Chinese look. i went to this footwear store and i spoke to this particular lady in English. she then replied in Bahasa Malaysia. fine, i thought that she's a Malay, but when i looked at her nametag, she's a freaking Chinese. so why is she speaking to me in Bahasa??!! fine, i talked to her in Bahasa as well and walked off. then when we were heading to our car in the carpark, this Malay lady handed me a book, some Quran book. i was lke...WHAT THE FUCK!!! ya i was pissed of course, but my sis was laughing behind. i don't get it. do i really look like a Malay??!! that's not the first or second time it happened to me, it happened few times before, people mistaken me as a Malay. i might look tan alright, but still i'm a FREAKING CHINESE with a FREAKING TYPICAL CHINESE LOOK. felt so insulted. no offence to anyone of course, but i just hate being mistaken as someone else, as in different race or religion. those people must be FUCKING BLIND!!!

couldn't sleep last night, kept thinking about "this" matter which my instructor told me about. sigh... i hate this life of mine now, but i know that what they're doing are for our own good.

i miss my old life
i miss my student life
i miss my friends
i miss the good old days i had with my friends
i miss talking to my family especially my Mum
i miss playing with my dog everyday
i miss my jeans
i miss my sneakers
i miss my night life
i miss "mamak"
i miss going online and chat with my friends far far away from Malaysia
i miss everything
life is never the same again...

my life is changing drastically since i started my training. i'm living in this boring and exhausting life everyday. i need to get up freaking early in the morning everyday, at 4:30am. go for classes then come home late in the evening. no more online, no more going out with friends at night, all i do is sleep, sleep and sleep. i'm like a total different person now, both physically and mentally. family are so surprised to see the changes in me, and i believe my friends will be shocked too. i'm turning from a funky looking girl to an elegant lady. sigh... I'M NOT ME ANYMORE!!! the ladies are required to wear pants or skirts with jacket on (suits), makeup and hair tied up nicely. gentlemen with collar shirt and tie. we must look NEAT. it makes me look like a career woman and i don't like it. i'm too young to dress that way and it makes me look much older, but i have no choice.

there's an extremely big hole in my pocket. haven't got my pay yet and i've been spending way too much from what we're getting. suits and makeup are not cheap. for the very first time, at the age of 22, i owned my very own complete set of cosmetics; from foundation to concealer, eyeliner to brow pencil, eyeshadows, mascara, blusher, lipstick and finishing powder. everything cost me a bomb. i even spent more than i can earned. this is freaking sad.

suddenly i'm thinking of "Him" and i miss "Him"...

What your Birth month means:

JANUARY
* Ambitious and serious
* Loves to teach and be taught
* Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses
* Likes to criticize
* Hardworking and productive
* Smart, neat and organized
* Sensitive and has deep thoughts
* Knows how to make others happy
* Quiet unless excited or tensed
* Rather reserved
* Highly attentive
* Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds
* Romantic but has difficulties expressing love
* Loves children
* Homely person
* Loyal
* Needs to improve social abilities
* Easily jealous

FEBRUARY
* Abstract thoughts
* Loves reality and abstract
* Intelligent and clever
* Changing personality
* Temperamental
* Quiet, shy and humble
* Low self esteem
* Honest and loyal
* Determined to reach goals
* Loves freedom
* Rebellious when restricted
* Loves aggressiveness
* Too sensitive and easily hurt
* Showing anger easily
* Dislike unnecessary things
* Loves making friends but rarely shows it
* Daring and stubborn
* Ambitious
* Realizing dreams and hopes
* Sharp
* Loves entertainment and leisure
* Romantic on the inside not outside
* Superstitious and ludicrous
* Spendthrift
* Learns to show emotions

MARCH
* Attractive personality
* Affectionate
* Shy and reserved
* Secretive
* Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic
* Loves peace and serenity
* Sensitive to others
* Loves to serve others
* Not easily angered
* Trustworthy
* Appreciative and returns kindness
* Observant and assess others
* Revengeful
* Loves to dream and fantasize
* Loves traveling
* Loves attention
* Loves home decors
* Musically talented
* Loves special things
* Moody

APRIL
* Active and dynamic
* Decisive and hateful but tends to regret
* Attractive and affectionate to oneself
* Strong mentality
* Loves attention
* Diplomatic
* Consoling
* Friendly and solves people's problems
* Brave and fearless
* Adventurous
* Loving and caring
* Suave and generous
* Emotional
* Revengeful
* Aggressive
* Hasty
* Good memory
* Moving
* Motivate oneself and the others
* Sickness usually of the head and chest
* Easily get too jealous

MAY
* Stubborn and hard-hearted
* Strong-willed and highly motivated
* Sharp thoughts
* Easily angered
* Attracts others and loves attention
* Deep feelings
* Beautiful physically and mentally
* Firm standpoint
* Easily influenced
* Needs no motivation
* Easily consoled
* Systematic (left brain)
* Loves to dream
* Strong clairvoyance
* Understanding
* Sickness usually in the ear and neck
* Good imagination
* Good debating skills
* Good physical
* Weak breathing
* Loves literature and the arts
* Loves traveling
* Dislike being at home
* Restless
* Hardworking
* High spirited
* Spendthrift

JUNE
* Thinks far with vision
* Easily influenced by kindness
* Polite and soft-spoken
* Having lots of ideas
* Sensitive
* Active mind
* Hesitating
* Tends to delay
* Choosy and always wants the best
* Temperamental
* Funny and humorous
* Loves to joke
* Good debating skills
* Talkative
* Daydreamer
* Friendly
* Knows how to make friends
* Abiding
* Able to show character
* Easily hurt
* Prone to getting colds
* Loves to dress up
* Easily bored
* Fussy
* Seldom show emotions
* Takes time to recover when hurt
* Brand conscious
* Executive
* Stubborn
* Those who loves me are enemies
* Those who hates me are friends

JULY
* Fun to be with
* Secretive
* Difficult to fathom and to be understood
* Quiet unless excited or tensed
* Takes pride in oneself
* Has reputation
* Easily consoled
* Honest
* Concern about people's feelings
* Tactful
* Friendly
* Approachable
* Very emotional
* Temperamental and unpredictable
* Moody and easily hurt
* Witty and sarky
* Sentimental
* Not revengeful
* Forgiving but never forgets
* Dislike nonsensical and unnecessary things
* Guides others physically and mentally
* Sensitive and forms impressions carefully
* Caring and loving
* Treats others equally
* Strong sense of sympathy
* Wary and sharp
* Judge people through observations
* Hardworking
* No difficulties

AUGUST
* Loves to joke
* Attractive
* Suave and caring
* Brave and fearless
* Firm and has leadership qualities
* Knows how to console others
* Too generous and egoistic
* Takes high pride of oneself
* Thirsty for praises
* Extraordinary spirit
* Easily angered
* Angry when provoked
* Easily jealous
* Observant
* Careful and cautious
* Thinks quickly
* Independent thoughts
* Loves to lead and to be led
* Loves to dream
* Talented in the arts, music and defense
* Sensitive but not petty
* Poor resistance against illnesses
* Learns to relax
* Hasty and rushy
* Romantic
* Loving and caring
* Loves to make friends

SEPTEMBER
* Suave and compromising
* Careful, cautious and organized
* Likes to point out people's mistakes
* Likes to criticize
* Quiet but able to talk well
* Calm and cool
* Kind and sympathetic
* Concerned and detailed
* Trustworthy, loyal and honest
* Does work well
* Sensitive
* Thinking
* Good memory
* Clever and knowledgeable
* Loves to look for information
* Must control oneself when criticizing
* Able to motivate oneself
* Understanding
* Secretive
* Loves sports, leisure and traveling
* Hardly shows emotions
* Tends to bottle up feelings
* Choosy especially in relationships
* Loves wide things
* Systematic

OCTOBER
* Loves to chat
* Loves those who loves him
* Loves to takes things at the centre
* Attractive and suave
* Inner and physical beauty
* Does not lie or pretend
* Sympathetic
* Treats friends importantly
* Always making friends
* Easily hurt but recovers easily
* Bad tempered
* Selfish
* Seldom helps unless asked
* Daydreamer
* Very opinionated
* Does not care of what others think
* Emotional
* Decisive
* Strong clairvoyance
* Loves to travel, the arts and literature
* Soft-spoken, loving and caring
* Romantic
* Touchy and easily jealous
* Concerned
* Loves outdoors
* Just and fair
* Spendthrift and easily influenced
* Easily lose confidence

NOVEMBER
* Has a lot of ideas
* Difficult to fathom
* Thinks forward
* Unique and brilliant
* Extraordinary ideas
* Sharp thinking
* Fine and strong clairvoyance
* Can become good doctors
* Careful and cautious
* Dynamic in personality
* Secretive
* Inquisitive
* Knows how to dig secrets
* Always thinking
* Less talkative but amiable
* Brave and generous
* Patient
* Stubborn and hard-hearted
* If there is a will, there is a way
* Determined
* Never give up
* Hardly become angry unless provoked
* Loves to be alone
* Thinks differently from others
* Sharp-minded
* Motivates oneself
* Does not appreciates praises
* High-spirited
* Well-built and tough
* Deep love

DECEMBER
* Loyal and generous
* Patriotic
* Active in games and interactions
* Impatient and hasty
* Ambitious
* Influential in organizations
* Fun to be with
* Loves to socialize
* Loves praises
* Loves attention
* Loves to be loved
* Honest and trustworthy
* Not pretending
* Short tempered
* Changing personality
* Not egoistic
* Takes high pride in oneself
* Hates restrictions
* Loves to joke
* Good sense of humor
* Logical

had an extremely stupid dream today - my neighbour was attacked by a Predator right in front of my house. it's stupid but interesting. haha...

yesterday A text me out of nowhere. she wanted to ask me out and talk about us; me and she. i was thinking, what the hell.. anyhow i couldn't make it because i'm going out with family in an hour time when she text me. asked her what is there to talk about, she replied me with this: "kinda miss you and you never even call me! like you hate me or something. might sounds silly to you but not to me. felt like we don't know each other anymore. misses you for long time, just waiting for you to call. but you didn't. i know you have new life, so do i. and today, i read your old letters for me when i was in poli and so i decided to let it all out. even if we won't be buddies like we used to, i have no regrets after letting you know i still hope we can be good friends like we used to. thank you." i've been thinking, if she misses me so much, is it really hard for her to call me then?? why must i call her. i mean how would the hell i know that she's missing me and that she's waiting for my call? isn't it suppose to be the other way round, she misses me so she should call and let me know about it?? hmm... well whatever. so i replied her back, "people change and things change, i believe you knew that. some things can never be the same like what it used to be, that's the fact. sometimes people made mistakes without realizing it, but when they do, it's too late. sometimes people just don't appreciate what they really have, but when they do, it's just too late. over means over. the past is the past. what i'm trying to say is that although we can never be like what we used to be, you are still a friend to me. no hard feelings. i'm not saying that it's your fault, because it could be my fault too. but things between us will never be like what we used to be. i hope you understand it". alright, i might sound too harsh or mean, but it's good to make things clear between us.

it has been quite some time since i last blogged. i think i'm going to blog less now, since i started my training. so busy and so tired with everything everyday. so from now onwards, i'll either post a message or two or maybe none in a week. but i'll try to blog no matter what.

first day of training was a torture, both physically and mentally. it made me wonder if i've made the right choice to take the offer right at the first place. however there's nothing i can do but to learn to like it now. i've already signed the contract. before i leave my house to class, i actually have the thought to give up (that's before i hand in the agreement forms), but i told myself, since i've been this far, why not give it a try. afterall, i always thought that the job i'm going to take is fun. never knew that the training was that scary and horrible. in the end, i can only choose to learn and like it. somehow i told myself to take this opportunity to challenge myself but i'm not quite sure if i can make it. the reasons they're treating us that strict are because they wanted to train us to be as perfect as we can, to be a good person, to be discipline and to be responsible. i knew that what they're doing are actually for our own good, but it's kinda harsh for me that i just couldn't accept it at the first place. that's life, life is never easy. guess i need some time to get used to all these and hopefully i'll be able to take all the pressures given.

went to the bank this morning and opened my account. finally the system is working. came back, had my breakfast and went online. checked my mail and at last a friend replied my mail. i mailed her twice few days ago regarding my graduation photos. FUCK HER!! i'm so mad at her. i'm so freaking piss!! she's the worst human i've ever known. she's the most selfish human on earth. SHE'S A FREAKING HORRIBLE BITCH. no i think the term "bitch" is too good for her, she's just indescribable. and i think she deserves to be named here, her name is Ashley. yup, i talked about her before in my earlier posts.

the story goes like this. my graduation photos were addressed to her address in London. i was staying with her and another friend before i came back to Malaysia. unfortunately, there were some problems with the delivery and i have to come back here without my graduation photos. few months later, the photos arrived and i told her to keep them for me. 2 weeks ago my cousin told me that her husband, who is in London is coming back to Malaysia next month. thought that he could bring the photos back for me. that's why i mailed Ashley, but somehow she told me to contact this other friend and asked her about this. so i asked the other girl, Nikki and she told me everything. and you know what, i can never have my photos back. that bloody Ashley took my photos and Nikki's luggage to the train station and left them in the left luggage office. she left everything there for more than 3 months already. how do you expect me and Nikki to pay for the deposits and other charges?!! ARGGHHH..... i really feel like punching her on the face. Nikki was pissed about this when she knew that Ashley left all her luggage in the left luggage office in the train station. she did not know that Ashley put my photos in there too. STUPID BITCH!! i paid freaking £42.95 for the photos and now they're all gone. you know what Ashley, THANKS FOR THIS...

yesterday's dinner was terrible. the food suck. and they knew about my job. i saw them laughing and whispering to each other and laughing again. go on, laugh as much as you like, go on and laugh your ass out. it doesn't matter to me.
i don't like them, i don't like them for being such a terrible relatives. it was my cousin's son's birthday last night. all my other relatives got their share of cakes except for us. they were giving it away to others right in front of us (Mum and i) and we got none. it's alright if they did not give us any (we don't eat "cheap" spongecakes too). but giving the others right in front of us without giving us anything, that's not a very good thing to be done. you call that a big happy family? i doubt it. it's ok, i believe in karma.

this is going to be the stupidest thing ever. to open an account in this particular bank, you need to make an appointment. what the... i went to two different branch of "this bank" in Klang yesterday and they did not allow me to open an account without an appointment. it's a new policy according to them. i was like...ok. there's nothing i can do because the company i'm going to work for requires us to have an account in this bank. went to another branch in Bayu Perdana this morning and thank God, they are still using the old policy. BUT the system is down. went back there again later, and it's still down. STUPID SYSTEM!! so i need to go there again tomorrow morning. please please please, i hope it's working tomorrow morning.


New hair colour. Paid RM140 for both colouring and treatment.

i've decided to take the offer, FINALLY. just made up my mind yesterday. it's going to be a brand new life from next week onwards. couldn't even imagine what's awaiting for me in front. i hope that i can cope with everything. i hope that i'll never regret taking the offer. i hope that i'll like this job. i hope that everything will go on smoothly. i hope and i hope and i hope. everyone will be so damn shocked and surprised to know about this job of mine, especially my relatives. they'll call me stupid, they'll call me dumb. i'm a graduate from a university in London and what i'm going to do has nothing to do with what i've studied. totally not related. they'll say that i'm so stupid for wasting so much money to study abroad. but i don't care. this is my life and this is what i've chosen. if i'll ever regret taking the job, then it's my fault, my problem. so if you're going to say something about my stupidity, please bug off and i think it's better for you to remain silent. all i need are some words of encouragement and not some criticism. thank you so much. there's a dinner tonight, family dinner with relatives in Klang. i wonder if they knew about my job or not. we'll see...

going out later to colour my hair to black again. but i need to go to the bank first to open a new account. i wish i have more time but i don't. sigh...

so many things to do yet so little time. i thought that i have a few more weeks before the training started but just realized that i only have a week. goodness.. i have not decide whether to take the offer or not yet. part of me said yes and part of me said no. this is so frustrating. argghhh....

hey hey, it's my friend's birthday today. just dropped him a message in his homepage.

Happy Birthday to "You"! wishing you all the best on your special day and everything good in the year ahead...

listen to this - The Egg Song. so damn cute...

Gemini - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

Your lively, outgoing attitude attracts people to you everywhere you go.
You can talk your way into - and out of - any situation you desire.
You're adaptable enough to flirt with anyone - and people tend to fight over you.

Your negative traits:

You get easily bored in relationships, and tend to jump from person to person.
You tend to be a bit of a player - and have a high tolerance for drama in relationships.
Not the most emphathetic person, you tend to tell lovers to "get over" their problems.

Your ideal partner:

Is intelligent and quick witted enough to keep you interested.
Is a bit of a shape shifter, providing you with the variety you crave.
An open minded person, who's willling to have a non-traditional relationship.

Your dating style:

Exciting. If your date shows you a new experience (like Egyptian food or scuba diving), you're very happy.

Your seduction style:

Experimental: it's rare that you try the same thing twice.
Ultra kinky - you do stuff that's not even in books yet.
Hot and cold... sometimes you're just not into the whole sex thing.

Tips for the future:

Settle down a little. Sometimes good things come with time - so don't let people go so fast.
Acknowledge that you're a player and flirt. If your mate can't live with this, find someone who can.
Give your partner a little more attention. You don't have to be a social butterfly all the time.

Best place to meet someone online:

Match.com - enough sexy singles for you to find a new playmate when you get restless

Best color to attract mate: Sunny yellow

Best day for a date: Wednesday

Get your free love profile at Blogthings.

what a day.. was chatting with Tracy at around 1am and she was so damn pissed. a friend of hers called from Malacca and told her that there's a seminar later at 8am. it's a very important one where attendants will be taken and marks are given. she was pissed because all her friends are being selfish and did not tell her earlier about this seminar. she came back on Wednesday night for the prayers and she doesn't know about the seminar at all, when all her friends knew and did not tell her about it. then we went out to mamak at around 2am with her cousin sister. Tracy was so mad, she wanted to cry. she knew she can't make it for the seminar unless someone fetch her back to Malacca. the earliest bus departs at 8:30am, so there's no way she can make it. her cousin is so nice, she decided to fetch Tracy to Malacca. so all of us went to Malacca at 4am. reached there at around 6am, slept for 4 hours and came back to Klang again at around 11:30am. reached home at around 1:30pm, took a quick shower, get dressed and went out again to collect my agreement forms. came back at around 5:15pm, ate a plate of noodles and had a 2 hours nap. i'm going out again soon, to a friend's house. ah..i'm so sleepy. i better go take another quick shower then have my dinner and get ready to leave. ciaoz...

received a very shocking phone call just now. it's regarding job B. they're offering me the job!! surprise surprise!! i was surprised. never thought that this will be happening to me but it's happening now. however, that call made me got stuck in the state of confusion. should i take the offer or not? thought that this is what i've wanted but now that i've got it, i kinda doubt and unsure about it. this is madness. then i was told that i need to go to the HR department tomorrow to get the agreement forms. that's freaking fast. told my parents about it and Dad said that he'll fetch me there. guess my parents are being supportive here, so i'll just take the offer. if the worst comes to the worst, i'll either regret taking the offer or vice versa.

i don't like the way i'm feeling right now. i have this feeling since yesterday and it's not a good thing. i'm so green with envy. i'm full with jealousies and envies. not a good thing but i can't help myself. i'm mad and furious. feel so stupid and useless and being used all the time. why are people taking me for granted?! i'm not asking for more, all i want is some appreciation and care that shows how true you are as a friend. damn.. i don't know why am i feeling this way. guess the older i get the more sensitive i've become. sigh..

Quote of the day:
~Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind - Buddha

yup i'm not obtaining any peace right now. shall try to forget about it.

we'll be having a prayer later at 12am. it's a very big day for all the Hokkiens.
Click here to learn about The Spring Festival

shame to say that i actually went for the movie yesterday. 'jie' called and asked me to go. and since 'jie' is fetching another gal to Klang as well, i've finally made up my mind to go. however, we were late for the movie and we missed the front part. but overall it's not a very bad movie. quite good - opinion from a person who doesn't fancy romance movie and that's ME

When I saw you I was afraid to meet you
Now that I've met you I'm afraid to kiss you
Now that I've kissed you I'm afraid to love you
And now that I love you I'm afraid to lose you

The way I feel for you I can't describe
It's almost too intense to verbalize
Essentially you're all I'm living for
Basically each day I need you more

I'm NOT supposed to love you
I'm NOT supposed to care
I'm NOT supposed to live my life
wishing you were there
I'm NOT supposed to wonder
where you are or what you do
BUT I'm sorry I can't help myself
I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU♡

Frustrated cuz I can't tell if it's Real
Mad cuz I don't know how you Feel
Upset cuz we can't make it Right
Sad cuz I need you Day and Night
Angry cuz you won't hold my Hand
Aggravated cuz you don't Understand
Disappointed cuz we can't be Together
But still I'll Love You Forever

I cry for the times you were almost mine
I cry for the memories I've left behind
I cry for the pain, the lost, the old and the new
I cry for the times I thought I had you

Don't underestimate the love in me
It's obvious these feelings run so deep
I fall and fall for you day after day
Nobody else could ever take your place
So take a look at me now
There's just an empty space
There's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

i'm back!! home sweet home..was back on Saturday night, went out yesterday and today i'm back to the same old routine again; staying at home doing nothing. need to start my job hunting soon although i'm so lazy to do it. nothing much to say, nothing much happened during CNY except that i ate a lot, extremely a lot and gained a few kilos and yes, a few inches on my waistline too. blerghh..

my hdd crashed again. DARN!! for the freaking second time my hdd crashed. the first time was in London, lost all my documents of course and most importantly, ALL THE PICTURES!! and now the same thing happened again. yes, lost all the documents again and of course all the pictures too. thank God i burned most of the pictures 2 weeks ago, but how stupid of me, i only burned pictures taken on 2003 and 2004. did not burn the pictures taken on 2005. STUPID STUPID DUMB DUMB!! arghh...so mad. oh and all my mp3s too. ARGHHH!!!

yes it's Valentine's Day today and i've decided not to go out with anyone at all. i've rejected 2 invitations for dinner tonight. Nikki got free tickets for the movie "Shall We Dance" tonight at KLCC but i've decided not to go as well. why??
1. not really into romance movie. although it's free but i don't think i'll enjoy watching it. it's better to stay at home and watch astro. haha...
2. if i'm going, 'jie' need to fetch me back again. he just fetched me back yesterday and i feel so guilty. well everytime when i'm out with them, 'jie' is the one who need to fetch me back. how can i not feel guilty??!!
so it's a lot better for me to stay at home. you guys enjoy the movie then.
Happy Valentine's Day to everyone!!

it's the first day of Chinese New Year. Gong Xi Fa Chai!! and it's also the beginning of my doomsday. i can't imagine how am i going to face all my relatives again, with the very same old questions "are you working now? NO!! why? when are you going to look for a job?" and bla bla bla.. so sick and tired with all these. bleh..

we'll be leaving later early in the morning, probably 7am. going to the temple first before heading to Kedah, my uncle's place where we usually spend our first day of CNY there. 7am is early, very early. not sure should i sleep or not. i can never have a good sleep in the car. come to think of it, i don't really sleep throughout the whole journey. well maybe a very short nap in between, but to sum them up, it's never more than 1 hour. i remembered last year my younger sis and i stayed awake until the next morning, and i suffered from a headache when we reached my uncle's house. well like what i've just said, i can never really sleep in the car. so to avoid that incident to happen again, maybe i should just take a nap after i'm done with this post. actually i'm quite sleepy now, plus i can barely open my eyes. guess i should just sleep, although i might be having some trouble waking up later at 6am. alright i better go now and sleep. nites.. and Happy Chinese New Year again..

WATER DOG Horoscope
Jan 28, 1922 to Feb 15, 1923
Jan 25, 1982 to Feb 12, 1983

Dog people are loyal and honest and obedient, guardians of the house at night. They can be counted on to keep secrets and for always doing the right thing. They can be emotionally distant and do not mix well in social gatherings where they are often seen as wallflowers. They do better with one-on-one relationships and find happiness in the happiness they bring to others, such as finding the most perfect gifts for their friends. While it is true that they have sharp tongues and are a bit stubborn and eccentric, in a work situation they tend to work very well with other people. What is more, they always seem to have money and make excellent leaders. Because of their high moral stance, they are inspiring beyond measure.

Sizzling Rice Soup and Chinese Cabbage are among the keys to good health!!

Water Dogs are real charmers, easily attracting friends and colleagues into their inner circle. Handling the ins and outs of human relations is so easy for them! They know how to smooth over any personal situation with their kind, honest, easy-going nature. Always empathetic, always rational, their ability to play Devil's Advocate helps open up whole new ways of approaching problems and finding solutions. Their views on life are expansive because of an ingrained wanderlust which has taken and will continue to take them to exotic locales about the globe. They adapt like chameleons to new environments and new people and their lives are all-encompassing, full of rich adventure. Financial and career success comes to the Water Dogs later in life -- just watch these late bloomers burst open! Regarding their love life, when it comes to dating and romance, their temperature ranges from hot to cold, from one extreme to another. Sometimes they want a commitment, other times they run Geronimo. But, when true love finally comes, and it will, they have it made. Their relationships are filled with good honest communication and genuine kindness and total caring for their partner. Marriage will be as firm as the Rock of Gibraltar.

Click here to learn about your Chinese Zodiac

A relaxed MIND;
A peaceful SOUL;
A joyful SPIRIT;
A healthy BODY;
A HEART full of love;
And a POCKET always full of cash...
THESE are my sincere wishes for everyone this CHINESE NEW YEAR!
Gong Xi Fa Chai and may 2005 be your best year yet...

aiks i'm at home. not going out today. Tracy did not call or anything, and when i called her, there's no answer. so i suppose she's busy. it's alright, new year without new clothes. totally fine for me, but not for my parents i guess.

my face is getting better, so do my lips. but lips are still rough and feel so dry. hate this allergic reaction. i still cough like a Grandma. can't eat mandarin oranges at all, no cold drinks as well. sucks... i want to get well soon, real soon. don't want to miss all the nice CNY goodies. i want to drink coffee real bad. haven't been drinking coffee for days, since i was sick. i love coffee. can't wait to get well soon and indulge myself with a nice cup of coffee. *wink..

i feel so weak. my throat is feeling better but i started to cough like a Grandma. lost my voice yesterday. sigh.. my face is still rough like a sandpaper but i think my lips are getting better because i can see some skins are peeling now. it's a good sign i suppose, meaning they're renewing the skins but i still feel the discomfort.

hope i'll get better tomorrow. decided to do last minute shopping with Tracy. she just came back from Malacca yesterday night for CNY. Mum's urging me to get at least a new top for CNY. well i'll try my best to get one if my condition is good enough to allow me to go out tomorrow.

went to the clinic yesterday. i went in for only 3 minutes. that's fast but not as fast as the person before me, she went in for only 2 minutes. yes i'm too free that i actually timed the time taken to consult the doctor. the doctor gave me 5 different type of medicines - 3 in tablets form for my allergy, flu and fever (yes i developed fever yesterday too), 1 row of lozenges for my throat and cream for my face and lips. it's a real torture to get sick and having this allergic reaction on my face and lips. i can't really talk much and can't really laugh a lot because it feels so uncomfy and kinda hurts. face started to itch too. more tiny bumps popping out on my lips today and my face feels like a sandpaper. urghh...annoying.. when i told my Dad that i wanted to go to the clinic because of the allergic reaction caused by the facial, he burst out laughing. yes my Dad was laughing at me. that's my Dad, he's a really funny guy although he looks damn serious.

not going out today. all plans are canceled. stay at home and suffer...

NO MORE FACIAL WITH CLINIQUE!! even if i'm going to have one in the future, i'm going to tell them not to simply put stuff on my face. the allergy/rash on my lips seems to be spreading and it's getting worse today. there are rough tiny white bumps on my lips and around the outer lips as well. it's not itchy at all but my lips are inflamed. i've had that kind of reaction before, and that was like...3 or 4 years ago. my face tends to be sensitive to certain products. i was a frequent visitor to the clinic last time because of the allergy. and now it's happening again. DARN!! this means i will not be able to go out tomorrow. i'm suppose to meet up with a friend during the noon, and will be meeting up with Nikki and the others during the night. it's been a while since we last met but now i don't think i'll be able to go. how can i go out with swollen lips?? ewww...looks like hotdog lips. besides, i think i'm falling sick. i woke up with a sore throat and flu. bummer..

You Are 20 Years Old

20 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

yesterday's facial was great. it's so relaxing but somehow i did not feel comfortable. everyone there was quite surprised to know that that was my first time for facial. i was like..is there anything wrong with that? i mean what's so wrong with the "first time"? overall i spent RM220 like i've expected, an eye cream and my facial cleanser. RM220 for an eye cream, a facial cleanser, a free bag and free facial - not bad, right? i also had my brows trimmed but they're not as nice as the one i had them done 1 1/2 years ago at the SK-II counter. all in all, i'm quite happy and satisfied. however when i woke up this morning, my lips are slightly swollen, and it's quite painful. i also noticed a few pimples break out on my face. arghh...guess some of the products used for the facial weren't suitable for my skin. bummer..

headed home straight after the facial. the weather was scorching hot that my face was so oily and i sweated like crazy. yucks.. then i had lunch with Mum at a coffee shop in Klang while waiting to fetch bro from the KTM station later. there was this man in the coffee shop, he kept talking and talking and his voice was so loud. i couldn't really get what he was talking about but he's damn noisy. headaches.. after fetching bro from the station, we headed back home and Mum wanted to go to Pasar Malam, which i think they should rename it to Pasar Petang. so i accompanied her there. i've never been to a Pasar Malam for almost 2 years. it's so crowded and under the scorching hot sun, people started sweating and you touch me, i touch you..ewww.. don't like to go there.

Mum is baking pineapple tarts today which does not require my help at all. so i cleaned my room and wiped my white but no totally white sneakers. couldn't seem to get rid of the stubborn stains at first. then i added some bleach to the water and voila...nice and clean. but doesn't look brandnew though. it's ok as long as it's clean. washed the aquarium, my last fish died. opss...sorry. one of them suffocated to death, i think a month ago due to the power failure. we have the air pump but it did not survived anyhow. the other one survived but it was swimming upside down all these while until this morning, it left the world.

i'm going to pamper myself tomorrow. i've made an appointment for a free facial, brow trimming and hand massage. yes i mentioned "FREE" but it's not really free. i need to purchase RM120 worth of their products and then only will i be getting free facial. it's like a bonus for me because my facial cleanser is finishing soon and free brow trimming, meaning i get to trim my bushy eyebrows. the problem is, i do not know what should i buy. yes i wanted to get my facial cleanser, but that only cost RM95. i wanted to get the eye cream which cost RM125 as well. if i get both, i need to fork out RM220. well where can i get the money when i'm not earning any cash yet? i told my Mum about this and she's willing to lend me the money. yeah..


Nice watch by DKNY.

found this watch that i loved, i think 2 years ago. well i still like it, and i would love to get it if possible although it's sort of outdated already.

arghh..this seriously is driving me crazy. i lost one of my favourite top. how can that be?!! i've searched everywhere in the house, including my Mum's wardrobe and brother's. I'VE SEARCHED EVERYWHERE but that top is still unseen. i love that top so much and i wore it very often, but now it's gone. gone gone gone. seriously how can that be? told my Mum about it and she even tried looking for me. well that top is lost for almost a month or more. i was trying to look for it again just now but it is still in the mood to play hide-and-seek with me. come out come out wherever you are, please.. i really love "you" so much. come out please.. already i do not have many clothes and now this favourite top of mine is missing. isn't that annoying??!!

imagine a person smelling like biscuits and sweat - yucks. a bad combination. that's how i smell like now. was helping Mum doing CNY biscuits the whole day and am taking a short break now. couldn't resist the temptation to go online and check my mails. and since i'm already facing the pc, might as well just blog a little. the weather is extremely hot, plus we're baking so it's even hotter. Mum bakes a lot of biscuits this year, her friends wanted to buy biscuits from her because Mum bakes nice biscuits. plus Mum gives biscuits to relatives every year during CNY. so a lot to make. was baking the almond chocolate biscuits yesterday, a friend of Mum wanted 8 tins today. so we were doing it until 3am. terrible... alright time is up. gtg help Mum again. adios..

What's great about good mates?
Friends can always be relied on to:

provide a shoulder to cry on.

take your fears and upsets seriously and offer appropriate advice.

feed your self-esteem with comments about how you're intelligent, attractive or deserving of better treatment.

make you feel special on occasions like birthdays.

provide real-life role models, teaching you how to be a better person, co-worker or friend.

rescue you from Star Wars-obsessed nuts you get stuck talking to at parties.

not even notice that your skin looks blotchy without make-up.

help you shop for hats when your new haircut is a disaster.

enthusiastically coo "I love that film" when you suggest hiring Bridget Jones's Diary on video again.

Friendship is more likely to go the distance if you hang out with pals who:

listen as well as talk.

respect other people's opinions.

take the initiative in keeping in touch.

have a positive attitude to life.

can be intimate without being indiscreet.

have a moral code similar to yours.

If he is the first thing you think of when you wake up,
The only thing you think of when you're awake,
And the last thing you think of when you go to sleep,
Then he is really something special♡.

Wanting him is Hard to Get,
Loving him is Hard to Regret,
Losing him is Hard to Accept,
But of All the Hurt I've felt,
Letting go is Most Painful Yet.

Never give up if you still wanna try,
Never wipe your tears if you still wanna cry,
Never settle for the answer if you still wanna know,
Never say you don't love him if you can't let him go!

it's so sad to know that i'm the only one left in the "Unemployed Society" among all my friends. such a loser. well there's still no news regarding the jobs i applied for and interviewed. so frustrating. no news from job B at all, and i'll take that as i'm rejected. the job that i went for the interview the other day, which according to my friend that the chances are quite high, seems to be not true enough. no news no news no news. it's already 2 weeks and... ah bummer...

i always have the thought to do something that i can't do - to be involved in the entertainment industry. something i wanted to do which i can't do. a singer? nah..i can't sing. act? i can't act, no skills. spokesperson? bla bla bla...whatever. just dream on. live in my own fantasy..

CNY is just around the corner and i notice that i haven't got any new clothes yet. this is the ONE thing i dislike about CNY - getting new clothes. for most gals, shopping seem to be their favourite but not for me. maybe i'm weird but i call myself different. i can't say that i dislike shopping, i love it but i'm not a shopaholic, i'm more like a window-shopper. i have the least clothes among all the gal friends i know. i have the least clothes among all my flatmates (6 guys and 1 gal) when i was in London. even shoes, gals tend to have at least 10 pairs of shoes, but i only have 2 pairs of high heels which i seldom wear them and 2 pairs of sneakers. what about skirts? i only have 2 dresses, a knee length skirt and a miniskirt. i prefer wearing pants especially jeans because it's so comfy and i can just jump around without worrying about...you know. a more funky and casual type of gal rather than elegant and girlish.

so why do i love shopping but dislike buying clothes? let me see...
1. maybe it's because i'm not working yet so i do not have the money to buy clothes, let it be cheap or expensive, no money means nothing..
2. i'm very very choosy with the designs and colours. i'm not trying to say that i have a high taste in fashion. i don't, i know i don't. that's why i always ended up with nothing when i go shopping and just look at the amount of clothes i have for now.
3. it's hard to find clothes that fit me. i don't think i'm too thin but it's hard to find clothes that fit me. sometimes even size "S" and "XS" couldn't fit me. what the heck?! "XS", isn't that extra small?? how can that be too big for me?!
4. adding the first, second and the third point frustrates me a lot and i got fed up. i don't think it's necessary to have so many clothes when people can never finish wearing all the clothes they have, and that sometimes people don't wear them and chuck them aside (what a waste of money).

ok i might be saying all the bad stuff now but maybe i'll be like most gals that shop till they drop in the future. maybe i'll turn to be a shopaholic once i started working and earning money. who knows.. but no matter what, i still need to shop for new clothes for CNY. it's a MUST according to parents. i'm force to do it so i have to do it.

itchy hands i have. i cut my own hair today and now i look like an 'aunty'. couldn't believe that i actually cut my hair that short this time. ok obviously when i said "this time" it shows that this is not the first time i cut my own hair. believe it my friend, i actually cut my own hair several times before. how silly...

finally i'm going to say a little about the Penang trip. i'll make it really short because i'm soooo lazy. the trip to Penang was great, but the weather was so hot, i felt like a burning pig under the hot sun. there's nothing much to do in Penang except going to temples and temples and temples (besides eating of course). so we went to the Burmese Temple, Thai Buddhist Temple and Kek Lok Si Temple. i can actually feel the holiness in me after visiting 3 temples in a day. amazing...
a visit to Batu Ferringhi made the trip worthwhile. that’s my favourite place to be. we were in Grand Plaza Parkroyal and everything there is incredibly beautiful. it was so nice that we went back to the same place again the next day before leaving back to Klang. we were staying in Lee San’s uncle’s house. nice garden he has, with a slight touch of Balinese concept. thanks for the hospitality, Uncle.

some pictures...


Penang bridge


Burmese Temple


Thai Buddhist Temple


Sacred turtle pond


Lanterns....lots of them


Kek Lok Si Temple - The Pagoda


Bronze statue of Goddess of Mercy/Kuan Yin














Grand Plaza Parkroyal





Batu Ferringhi


We found this, don't know what's that




















Uncle's nice garden

"cause you're leaving on a jet plane, don't know when you'll be back again..."
Lee San is going back to Canada soon, real soon, as in few hours time. so fast...she's back for like 3 weeks but it's as if she's back for only a week. oh i'm going to miss her again. and now that she's leaving, i'll be going back to my same old, boring, pathetic life again.

everyone is working now except for me. me, myself and i. Nikki found a job already, some advertising job i think, and she's going to work in ACP Asia Pte Ltd, the company that publishes Cleo and Women's Weekly. that's so nice. Hong Chiang is working too, as an IT Trainee. 3 of us were jobless last year, and now i'm the only one left, holding the title "Jobless" all by myself. lazy lazy lazy me. hopeless, useless, worthless me.

*Lee San, have a safe journey, enjoy your flight and take care. hope to see you again soon*

it's sad to know that i'm not one of the shortlisted candidates for job A, and it's even sadder to know that there is still no news or call regarding job B. for God sake, i couldn't just sit at home and wait for them for the whole year. so i went for another interview just now, which was recommended by a friend. i do not think that i did well just now, but according to my friend, she said that the chances for me to be taken is quite high. let's hope that it's true.

surprisingly, Mum did not mention anything about yesterday. i don't know why. it's good though but somehow it feels weird. guess she thinks that i'm old enough to do whatever i want. phew...

yesterday was Karolina's last night in Malaysia, so we went to Bar Flam in Bangsar. it started out pretty well, the bartender was very nice, Nikki and i called him as Mr.Muscular. good songs, good crowd, when suddenly Lee San and her friends were out of sight, missing in action. they were sitting outside, having an emergency talk. then i was tipsy and it started to be a bad night. i puked for freaking 3 times. man i'm such a terrible drinker. the last time i puked was at home. and how lucky i was, my Mum heard me puking. i know i'll be getting some scolding from her later when she's back, well she's out when i woke up. gosh..


Mr.Muscular - Nice fella

i'm getting lazier and lazier these days. so lazy to blog but i'm trying to force myself to write something here. Lee San's back and that's why i'm always out. her friend from Poland came to Malaysia for holiday and we've been out to places. just got back from Penang yesterday and i'm going to Genting tomorrow till Sunday, and to Malacca on Monday. it is indeed a busy week. i'm tired and exhausted and freaking broke, but i'm happy and it's nice to be out with friends.

i wanted to talk about my trip but i'm just too lazy. going out again soon, so i'm here just to blog a little. anyway i'll just stop right here. might blog about my trip next time, when i'm free.

yesterday was a terribly exhausting day. was walking around KL the whole day, as if i'm a tourist myself. went to the US Embassy, KLCC, KL Tower, Bintang Walk and China Town. can't talk much about it now coz i still have some packing to do; i'm going to Penang. leaving very soon and i'm not done with my packing yet. so why am i here?? no idea.. ok going to continue my packing now.. i hope i have a lot to say when i'm back from the trip.

here are some pics taken..





Petronas Twin Towers


KLCC/Petronas Twin Towers


The view from KL Tower


Nice rooftop


KL Tower

oh it's already a brand new year. Happy New Year. hello 2005, bye 2004. couldn't believe that it's already 2005. time flies... New Year resolutions? none..coz i'm too lazy to make one and i knew that i'll break all the resolutions i'm going to make. so better don't make any.

so restless and exhausted lately. i've been out almost every single day since Lee San was back from Canada. this means, i'm spending more and more while i'm earning nothing. my balance in my account is reaching negative. Mum is going to kill me if she finds out.

i can't remember what i wanted to say. my brain is stuck, still sleeping. there are a lot of things i wanted to say but i couldn't remember. so i'll just stop here then.

Happy New Year to everyone!!

check this out..
http://www2.b3ta.com/merrychristmas/
Merry Christmas!!!

it's Christmas Eve today and sad to say, i'm not going out. spending my time with no one, all alone. it is indeed a lonely Christmas for me. sigh...

yesterday was a terribly exhausting day. i went for the interview and it's the longest interview i've ever had. there were so many people and most of them looked so qualified for that job. i was like a tiny ant around them. there were times when i wanted to leave that place and just go home. but since i was already there and i've waited for so long, it's going to be a waste if i didn't stick around and give it a try. surprisingly i managed to pass through all the phases, and most of the candidates whom i thought were qualified weren't selected. so it's actually worth waiting for so freaking long. however, i do not know will i be getting that job or not yet. there's another test for all the selected candidates and later we still need to wait for the result. somehow i have this feeling telling me that i'll fail the test.

i'm not going to stay up late today. i'm going to sleep after this. need to get up early in the morning because there's a job interview. it's for job B. but i don't think i can sleep soundly later. coz i knew i'll be thinking about the interview all night. that's just me, i think too much, way too much. i hate this thing about me. sucks.. i tend to think too much, either it's a small matter or big. i will think and think and think and think and think....ah anyhow i hope everything will be fine. i hope that i can answer them well. no nervous breakdown please. ah God bless me please and wish me luck..

life is so sickening. i've decided to apply for both of the jobs few days ago. i sent my application for job A and there is an interview for job B this Saturday. should i go or should i not go? i wanted to give it a try because the chances for me to get job A is kinda low. couldn't made up my mind and it's messing in my head, disturing me all the time. i toss upon my sleepless bed almost every night. once i'm asleep, i'll start dreaming about it. i'm so sick with this. my head is going to explode soon. give me a break, will ya..

life has been pretty fucked up lately. i'm stuck with these 2 choices; should i apply for job A or job B? both are good, but i can only choose one. however, someone told me to try both. i've been told that trying means i just got the chance but doesn't mean that i'll be in. that's so true. so now i'm telling myself to try both but somehow, something inside me keeps telling me to choose only one. headache...headache..

guess what? i shaped my own eyebrows just now. turned out to be so shitty. look so weird and imbalance. thanks to my own itchy hand. i'm going to look like an alien with funny eyebrows. so stupid of me.

these are the list of things that i wanted to do/get:
1. a pair of black pants
2. few working tops
3. colour my hair to black
4. trim my hair, if possible might straighten or perm
5. contact lens (using the last pair that can last me for 2 more weeks)
6. new shoes, a pair or two
7. shape my eyebrows, they are so bushy and untidy
8. a watch
9. invest in some makeup and facial products

i think that's enough, not going to "10". guess how much do i need for all that? 1K? maybe more. sign... i'm jobless and there's an extremely big hole in my pocket. yet i still need money to do and buy all the things listed. maybe not all but most of it.

Mum went to Penang with sis and bro just now. they left around 11am, right after i woke up. i was having trouble sleeping and that's why i woke up so "early". Mum wanted to go to Penang for some prayers reason, as well as visiting her sis (my aunt) and some other relatives. now there are only me, my younger sis, Dad and our lovely Hailie at home. all the house chores are directed to me of course. hate it. well i can avoid all those house chores, that is IF i'm going to Penang with them. but i chose not to go. not in the mood.

we (Nikki, jie and i) went to Malacca yesterday, finally...after 3 weeks of planning and cancelling the trip. however, we did nothing much there. we went to Malacca just to send jie's cousin home. had lots of food there, 'Chicken Rice Ball' for lunch and for dinner we had the 'Satay Celup'. it was good. we then went to the famous Jonker Walk and had 'Cendol'. my friend told me that the cendol there is so damn good. the best cendol ever. but i was quite disappointed when i tried it. it wasn't as good as what she had said. tasted the same as the normal, common cendol. well the 'gula melaka' was great, very thick unlike the one they have in Klang Valley. that's the only nice thing about the cendol.


Satay Celup


Yummy Doraemon Pancakes

attended my very first interview today morning. position applied for: admin assistant. company's profile: it's a company that deals with Proton & Toyota automobiles. the lady who interviewed me is nice. however, she thinks that my qualification is way too high and was curious why do i choose this job. she seems to be quite happy and satisfied with me though. one good thing about this job is that we get to do some roadshows once a while besides all those paper works and get stuck in the office forever. that's what i wanted, a job that does not require me to stay in the office, in my cubicle, facing the same people all year long. the bad thing is that they are looking for someone who is interested to work for a long term and not a person who comes to gain experiences and leave after a few months. well she told me that and wanted me to consider about it. "please be honest" is what she's trying to tell me, indirectly. honestly, i'm only interested to work for 1 month. yes 1 month. Lee San is coming back in 3 weeks time and i need money to go out with her. ok 1 month's pay isn't enough but at least it does help a little. i need a job, a part-time job will do. anyone who's willing to hire me for a month? anyone?

Mum kinda dragged me to Klang yesterday. we went to the job agency to get some help, to help me to get a job. a friend told me to look for this Chinese lady but she wasn't around, so an Indian lady helped me with everything. i told her i wanted something connected to IT or events. she couldn't find anything related to events and for IT, i need to have programming knowledge which i don't. so i ended up with 1 job on customer service and 3 on admin clerk/asst/exec. customer service is out because it's way too far from my place. so i got no other choices besides the admin jobs. i'm sure you know how much does an admin asst usually get paid. sometimes it could be less than 1K. that's so freaking sad. but what can i say, i'm just too choosy. so this is what i get. darn..

you know what, i decided to colour my hair back to my original colour; black or darker brown. but the main problem is...yes money. oh my God, i want money. MONEY MONEY MONEYYY...

i'm freaking full. stomach is bloated now. how can this be happening? i had a piece of 'roti canai' and a cup of coffee for supper (seems like early morning breakfast) at 2:30am. supper at this hour isn't a good idea yet i'm still eating at this hour. great.. more kilos and a bigger tummy. hurrah..

i wanted to sleep now but i'm too full. so here i am, trying to waste some time blogging and i'm running out of words. guess i'll do something else. maybe i should start writing a testimonial to those who wrote one for me in friendster. yes..at least there's something to do now.

am i really wrong? i had an online conversation with T about A again. what a stressful one. T is still trying to talk me into taking A back as a friend, good old friend. she's still not giving up. what should i tell her to make her understands? she was talking about "forgive and forget". if she thinks that i'm this cold-hearted human who does not forgive and forget, then why am i still out with A when T asked us out? why do i still talk to A, although less and seldom? i do understand that she wanted us to be together again like what we used to be, but things can never be the same again. no matter what, we can never be like what we used to be. i have my own thoughts about this and i believe i have my rights to have my own thoughts, to make my own decision. she mentioned that friendship can be mend back. that's for her. for me? i doubt it. even if we are becoming good friends again, things will never be the same. IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. it's like a broken mirror, you can stick them back together but it will never look as perfect as before. i have my own points, T has her own points. everyone is different in this world. everyone has different thoughts. all i wanted are some respect and understanding from T. i know she's being nice and trying to help, but sometimes it is best to just let things be. i do treasure our friendship and i do not want anything to happen or ruin our friendship.

especially dedicated to this horrible friend of mine, who scolded another friend for some stupid shits..

"how can you be so selfish and inconsiderate? you guys are friends, been hanging out together most of the time and even stayed under the same roof before, but still you can be so selfish and inconsiderate. shouldn't you be ashamed? before you say something, please think. after you've said it, please make sure you mean it. when you say you'll help, please help. when you say something, PLEASE MEAN IT. i knew what kind of person you are, but i couldn't believe that you are actually getting worst. i know you are very unhappy at that time, but still you do not have to go till that extend. if you were in her shoes, how would you feel? what i wanted to say here is that what you've done wasn't very nice. BITCH!!"

YES!! relatives went back yesterday morning. back to where they belong. now my life is back to normal again, as in no worries about all the questions and noises that i'll get from aunts and uncles and cousins.

i think that i'm overexpose to the radiation from both the computer and television. everyday i'm facing these two entertainment provider that keeps me entertain and makes me lazier than before. my vision is getting blur from day to day and obviously this isn't a very good sign.

woot woot i'm home. just came back not too long ago, and just had my shower. it's a wise choice to escape the dinner, to escape from all the noises and questions from my relatives. everyone was asking where am i and about my "work", just like what i've expected. i'm not trying to be unfriendly or rude, but these relatives of mine are just too conservative, close-minded, typical Chinese thinking, what else can i say...i just couldn't find the right word for it. imagine that some of them do not want their daughters to further their studies after secondary school, because they believe gals do not need to study so much for they will need to get marry in the future. what the hell!! thank God my parents are not like them.

i feel quite bad that Nikki and 'jie' have to accompany me out and entertain me. sorry guys, especially 'jie' for troubling you so much and thanks for the company guys.

my doomsday...yesterday, today and tomorrow. someone please stab me to death. decided not to go for the dinner tonight and will be going out with friends. facing my relatives, especially cousins are a real slow and painful death.

woke up today and the very first thing that my Mum said was, "your uncles and aunts are coming tomorrow". wat the heck??!! TOMORROW? isn't that too fast? didn't even hear any news from them and suddenly they called, today, and said that they'll be here tomorrow. shits.. everyone will be here tomorrow because a cousin is getting married. i thought it's next month. hmm... guess i got the information wrong. i couldn't believe it but it's happening and it's happening real soon. i'll be showered with lots of question not present, and hey i'll be the "luckiest" girl on earth. yeeha... i'm so DEAD.

a lot of things happened lately; family, friends and my own personal problems. so much that i do not know where to start, what to say or how to say. some are meant to be remained silent while others, i do not know how to put them into proper words.

alright i did not attend the interview. Mum was making noises again just now. relatives are coming here next month to attend a cousin's wedding dinner. and by then, i'll need to entertain them again. questions that they can never fail to ask:
1) what are you doing now?
2) found a job?
3) are you working now?
4) why aren't you working now?!
5) when do you wanna start working then?
6) do you have a boyfriend now??
bla bla bla..and the list goes on and on..so fed up, so annoying, so irritating. why can't they just shut up and mind their own business?!! darn..

i kinda have a slight misunderstanding with my best friend, Tracy. since we're best bud for quite some time, i believe she should know what kind of person i am and she should accept me for who i am.

we had a chat the other day through msn. after having our conversation about this particular topic, she suddenly told me that she's mad and angry. i was wondering, what is there to be angry about. i don't get it. so i told her not to be mad, and here comes everything. she told me that at times, she finds that talking to me hurts her. she's wondering whether this happens to others or not, but it happens to her. she's not sure whether she should tell me about this, but in the end she told me. she said, "sometimes it makes me wonder why people never get close to you for long. i'm figuring it out but to my level of patience, i think i still can stand it".

well i know i'm not the nice, friendly type of person, i'm not the everyone-wants-to-be-friend-with-me kind of girl. i'm not popular. everyone in school dislikes me, i knew that. i admit that i do not have many friends around. and i do believe Tracy knew that since we were from the same school. what hurts me the most is she, how can she said that to me?! hits me really hard deep inside. how can she said that to me when she already knew i do not have many friends around? if others said that to me, i'm fine, but it's her, my best friend. to me, it's an insult. i was furious yet disappointed. i always thought that she knows me, she understands me. after that incident, it kinda makes me wonder, does she really understand me, does she really knows me? maybe it's because we've never met each other for quite some time, or maybe she feels that she's being left out. or maybe she's been expecting too much from me. the conversation between us went on and i think there were more misunderstandings between us. not a good sign at all and i dislike it.

i was so disturbed at that moment, i decided to talk to a close friend about it and he's been very nice and understanding. to comfort me, he said, "sometimes we think that being honest is good, therefore we chose to be honest. however, being honest only matters in different situation. sometimes people do not know that they are being honest at the wrong situation. they thought it is a wise choice, but the thing is, they do not know. understand that she wants to let you know her feelings, but it's just at the wrong time at the wrong situation". sigh..

it's already Thursday and i haven't reply to the company about my interview yet. i'm still considering, whether to go or not to go. most likely i'm not going. i've read this forum from the internet about the company and most people were complaining about it. a friend's friend used to work there too, and according to him, working for that company is a no no. so basically it's not a very good company and that kinda influence my decision on whether to go or not.

i dreamt of Tim Skold yesterday. i have a crush on him. like him so much. for those of you who do not know who he is, he's the bass guitarist for Marilyn Manson. i find him very cool. don't really know how to describe the dream, but i knew i was very nervous yet excited when i saw him. haha...couldn't believe that i actually dreamt of him. Tim Skold rocks...


Tim Skold

about the job i applied throught jobstreet.com, they actually mailed me back, asking me to go for an interview. hahaha...i never thought that it's going to be so soon. they wanted me to reply them back through email to confirm the date and time. now the problem is, i do not know should i go or not. maybe i will, but if i actually got the job, i will need to travel all the way from Klang to KL to work then back to Klang again. and the main thing is, i'm relying on public transports to go to work. that's going to be a big problem. i think i'll attend the interview. whether to take the job or not, i'll think about it later.

finally there's a progress. finally i'm making use of the jobstreet's services. finally i applied for a job yesterday as an Event Executive in KL. not sure if i'll get it, but at least there's something. finally...

i just took my bath and came out from the bathroom when my mobile suddenly rang.

me: hello...
that someone: hello, Mani??
me: ermm...sorry, i think you got the wrong number
that someone: wrong number??? are you sure?
me: ermm..yes... *pause for a while* oh sorry, who are you looking for again?
that someone: YOU!!
me: huh?? do you....*screams....* ahhh it's you..oh fucker...

ahhhhh.....it's my friend...haha...surprised surprised. i was about to say, "do you got the right number" when i suddenly think again, hey that voice is so familiar. my friend from Canada called. this friend of mine lives in Alberta. gosh...it was a real surprise. at first i thought i heard "Mani" when she actually said, "mandi". i don't know why, but i get a lot of calls looking for an Indian when the number they called actually belongs to a Chinese, and that's ME. duh... therefore, when i heard "Mani", i thought it's a wrong number again. she was saying, "mandi" because before i took my bath, i was online and was talking to her. then i left a message and told her that i'm going to take my bath. it's so stupid and humiliating yet funny. we talked for exactly 2 hours 1 minute. fuh...that's gonna cost her a lot. but she said no worries, it's quite cheap, maybe it's gonna cost her around 6 bucks. i believe we can talk longer, it's just that my phone was running out of battery. in fact, it's totally out of battery and we got disconnected. haha...
"anyhow Lee San, i appreciate your call. very very surprised and shocked and happy. take care and i'll see you real soon."

Lee San is coming back to Malaysia on 23th December 2004 for 3 weeks. a lot of things to do then; lepaking, mamaking, clubbing, and travelling if possible. wohoo...quickly bring your frozen ass back and defrost it here in Malaysia. hahaha...

i had a long chat with Him today. i think our conversation was quite weird. seems like He's trying to find out if i'm still into Him or not. i'm sure He knew the answer, but guess He wanted me to tell Him myself. feel as if there's something really wrong. yes i know, i'm making my own assumption here. and i know that assumption is the mother of all fucked ups. assumptions are created by false perceptions leading to wrong conclusions. before He left, He said that He misses me. but i say nothing to Him.

Nikki is working already. she found a job and started yesterday. everyone is working now, earning money except for me. such a loser. it's been a month since we came back and Nikki's working already when she actually said she wanted to rest for 2 months. and as for me, i told myself to start looking for a job on the 1st October, but look at me now. gosh...suddenly i feel so useless when i'm actually very useless already.

the Korean drama, Stairway To Heaven isn't that bad afterall. however i haven't cry nor drop a tear yet like what 'jie' said i will. he told me that the drama is so sad that his Mum and sisters cried. and even a box of tissue isn't enough for them. i don't know is he exaggerating or what. i've never cried while watching movies/drama series. never ever..no matter how sad it is, i will never cry. not to say that i'm cold-hearted, but i just can't. of course at times i can feel that my eyes were wet, but the tears will never drop. last week 'jie' asked me is the main actor good-looking? honestly i don't find him good-looking, but that was last week. now i realized that i'm so into him. he's so good-looking. hahaha.. the more i see him, the more i like him. gorgeous..


Kwon Sang Woo, the main actor in Stairway To Heaven.


Kwon Sang Woo again.





Choi Ji-Woo and Kwon Sang Woo..love this picture

Lee San went for a trip again. man that bitch is such a lucky devil. i was talking to her last week or two weeks ago about this place called Icefield. saw that from tv, find it very interesting and nice. told her that she should go there one day. guess what. she just went there last week with her friends. cool.. of course i'm not that powerful to influence her or to talk her into this; going to Icefield. it's just a sudden plan, if i'm not mistaken. well i would love to go there one day, i will...but not sure when. how can i go when i'm not earning any income..gee this is bad.

guess what, i started to watch this Korean drama series called Stairway To Heaven. i never watch any Korean drama series at all, like Winter Sonata or Piano or what-so-ever. but now, i'm watching a Korean drama series. i couldn't believe it myself, not even my sisters. well 'jie' did told me about that drama before, he loves it and he got all the vcds for that drama. he even told me that he has watched it for 7 times. 7 TIMES!! that's crazy. as for me, i watch it from tv, it's showing on 8tv and just started 2 days ago. what i dislike about the drama is that they translated everything into Mandarin. so disappointed. i decided to ask 'jie' to burn the vcds for me because i believe it's nicer to watch the original version in Korean and not Mandarin.

for the past 2 months, i've been cracking my head, thinking of the proper words and phrases to fit into my article. i wanted to write an article about fat people; why people look down on them, why are they being treated so badly and unfairly, why some people love to talk bad about them, tease them and make fun of them, showing no respect to them, being mean...it's sort of like discrimination against fat people. but unfortunately, i couldn't write even a proper paragraph. i really wanted to write this but i can't. why do i want to write this? that's because i've seen and heard people including my own friends, teasing and laughing at fat people. as for me, i don't think that is a good or proper thing to do. afterall, we're all humans with feelings. but too bad, i'm not articulate with vocabs. so i'll just dropped the pen and forget about it then.

wow, it's been a while since i update. duh..as if people actually read my blog. haha..well it's not surprising though, that no one reads my blog, coz i tell no one about this, not even my best friends. besides, my blog sucks. it's full with crap, shitty, boring, stupid and lame stories, and seriously there's nothing interesting at all. i kinda created this for myself to read and write, a place for me to bitch, sulk and complain about everything.

so what have i been doing lately? you can guess it for sure, yes..nothing. nothing meaningful at all. staying at home doing nothing as usual, jobless, lonesome and pathetic. have not started looking for a job yet, although i did said that i'll do it on the 1st Oct. it's now 9th Oct and i'm still lazing at home. i'm leading a very unhealthy lifestyle. look at me, still awake at this hour. i'll only be sleeping at the wee hours of the morning and by the time i wake up, the sun is already shining on my ass. ouch.. so how can i work, i wonder? that's what lazy people like me will think about. gosh.. but not to worry, at least i did some homework. i registered in jobstreet.com and posted my resume. that's it. not something to be proud of though, but for such a lazy person like me, it's considered alright, i mean at least i did something, right? ah well i'm off to bed now.

what a weird and funny dream i had today. i dreamt that i'm pregnant. YES, I'M PREGNANT. it's quite big, maybe 4 or 5 months. how can that be? who's the father? i seriously have no idea. i knew that i have a husband in that dream but i don't know who he is. i couldn't see his face, how he looks like but i knew i have a husband. though it's just a dream, it actually feels quite real. i can feel that i'm carrying another life in me. it feels so nice. gosh..what the hell is wrong with me? is this dream trying to tell me that i'm desperate to be a mother, or that i'm going to be a mother soon? talking about desperation, i don't think i'm desperate to be a mother at this age. of course i do want to be a mother one day, but not at this age definitely not at this age. too young to be one.

went to Bangsar last Saturday, 2 Oct. it's my best friend's birthday on the 3 Oct so we went to Bangsar to celebrate with her. had dinner in Telawi Street Bistro. it's a nice place, they serve nice food but the prices are quite costly. we had 1 starter and 5 main courses that cost us RM228 in total. well that's the price to expect if you are dining in places like this. we then went to the Pharmacy in Telawi 2. we opened a bottle of Chivas and we got a bottle of Absolut Vodka for free. that's because there were 8 of us, all gals. they said that if there are 8 gals, they'll give a bottle of Absolut Vodka for free, but only on Wednesday and Saturday. well that's a good one. we finished all the vodka and 1/3 of the Chivas. it's considered a pub not a club so basically it's quite small. not a very nice place though. but it was my first time hanging out with my best friend's friends. we were studying in the same secondary school but we are not close and we rarely talk to each other. i actually decided not to go. but i've been thinking, since i've known Tracy for so long, i'd never celebrated her birthday with her before. so finally i chose to go and it was quite ok though i felt quite awkward at times. anyhow Happy Belated Birthday to you, Tracy.

i'm so blank and empty, my life is totally dead. i've been doing nothing except staying at home, sleeping, eating, watching tv, going online. sometimes out on weekends, then i'll be spending money. nothing else. i'm not earning anything but i'm spending everything. parents are making noises already, wanting me to look for a job fast. recently i've been looking through the newspapers and JobStreet, trying to look for a job. but seriously speaking, i really don't know what i'm into, what can i choose to work, what is suitable for me, what is what, what is this, what is that..there are just too many WHATs. i don't know what can i be or what i'm good at besides being lazy. gosh..this is so horrible. studying life is still the best. how i wish i'm rich. then i can continue studying again. if i have the money, this time i'm going to choose something i'm really into. like what? i don't know. cooking and baking might be good for me, or maybe mass communication. maybe business or teacher, Maths teacher. or i should try pharmacist. argh..see, i don't even know what i want. how can this be?!