WHY IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS?!! gosh!! when i'm so determine to forget about that someone, they always seem to know it and somehow they'll appear and make me go weak again. i mean ALWAYS!! previously, when i determined to forget about this guy twice, twice he'll appear out of nowhere after missing in action for so long, and started talking to me, caring for me and stuff. and knowing me, i'll fall for even the tiniest thing he said, doesn't matter if he means it or not. yup, that's me. and now, this current human that i'm determine to forget, is stuck in my head again. yes i know, that's fast. i'm so determine to let him go. even if i see him, i told myself to act cool and try to ignore him. and no matter how hard i tried to avoid from seeing him, we will somehow meet unless i or him quit our job, just as some of you might have known, we work in the same company.

so when i was making the determination to let him go yesterday morning, heck, never did i thought that i'll see him yesterday evening itself. F**K ME!! coincidence?? you tell me. well, i was with a friend at the waiting area when i saw someone whom i thought was another friend of mine. as he came closer, i got a shocked of my life. "HOW COME IT'S YOU?" was what i said to him when he came and sat next to me. i know, what was i thinking. well it just popped out from my mouth. i tried to ignore him when he talked to me and seriously, i did not even look at him when he talked to me. i know i'm being rude. so what! if i look at him, i'm afraid that i'll fall for him again. but now, even without looking at him, i'm already falling over him. I HATE IT MAN!! i hate myself for being so weak. i hate myself for being so stupid. i feel so crappy...

"by now, i think i should give up on you. i think i should erase you from my mind and get you out of my life. i shouldn't have waste my time on you. i know i deserve someone better. i deserve a happier life. with you, i must admit that i'm happy but often, i'm miserable. i spent my time waiting and hoping for something that i know i'll never get in return. it's time to move on. i hope that we'll never ever meet again as everytime i look at you, it makes me want you even more. furthermore, i'm afraid that i'll fall for your sweet words and everything again, and it's back to square one. just like what bro said, "there are moments when you wish to leave everything behind and move on, but when your eyes meet the other's again, your knees become weak and you are back to square one". *sighh...* but it's hard for us not to meet again, as you know, we are working in the same company. gosh!! that's the worst thing ever. but for now, it's time to move on....bye..."

Quotes of the day:
~The worst feeling in the world is giving all the love you have and knowing it will never be returned.
~It's easy to make a person to fall in love, but it's hard to say Goodbye.

Garbage
You Look So Fine

You look so fine

I want to break your heart
And give you mine
You're taking me over

It's so insane
You've got me tethered and chained
I hear your name
And I'm falling over

I'm not like all the other girls
I can't take it like the other girls
I won't share it like the other girls
That you used to know

You look so fine

Knocked down
Cried out
Been down just to find out
I'm through
Bleeding for you

I'm open wide
I want to take you home
We'll waste some time
You're the only one for me

You look so fine
I'm like the desert tonight
Leave her behind
If you want to show me

I'm not like all the other girls
I won't take it like the other girls
I won't fake it like the other girls
That you used to know

You're taking me over
Over and over
I'm falling over
Over and over

You're taking me over
Drown in me one more time
Hide inside me tonight
Do what you want to do
Just pretend happy end
Let me know let it show

Ending with letting go

Let's pretend, happy end

Quote of the day:
~It's hard to pretend that you love someone when you don't, but it's harder to pretend that you don't love someone when you really do.

"i feel so dumb for falling into the trap you've set.
i feel so dumb for believing all the sweet words and lies you've said.
you always said something and did nothing. did you actually mean everything you've said? or did you just said it just for the sake of making me happy, because you know that i'll fall for it and believe it? i do understand your situation, that's why from the start i did not hope for anything much. but when you actually said that you'll do something, it means to me that you'll do it because you said so. and that's when you started giving me hope. i'll keep waiting and hoping, but in the end, i realize that it's always a lie, a falsehood. and that leads to disappointment. i hate you! i hate me! but you always know what to do as a recovery. you'll shower me with sweet words and thoughts and the stupid me will always fall for it and believe it. you know that you're good in that and you know that i'll definitely fall for it. then you'll say something again and everything is back to square one.

you've never done it for real, not even once. i keep falling over and over towards all your lies. i'm dumb. i'm sick of this. it gotta stop. i need to get rid of you, get you out of my life. but can i?

i'm sick of all the lies. i'm tired of being your doormat.
i shouldn't have got myself into this at the very first place.
i shouldn't have liked you at the very beginning.
we shouldn't have started the whole thing.
we shouldn't have met.
i should have stayed away from you.
i should have stayed away from ALL THIS!!
if i'm given a chance to turn back time, i'll choose not to know you at all.

whenever i needed someone to talk to, someone to listen to me, someone to console me when i'm down, i know that i can never turn to you because i know that you're too busy, you have something more important in mind. therefore, i'm always trying to be considerate and understanding.
i don't wish for you to be there for me whenever i needed you.
i don't wish for you to call me everyday.
all i hope for is some care and perhaps some love from you. is that too much to ask??
if you really do mean all the words you've said, can't you take some initiatives to proof to me that you're for real? at least for once. but you did not, not even once."

i shouldn't have got myself into this when i already know that it's wrong at the beginning. and yet, i'm stubborn and stupid to get myself into this. i'm torturing myself. but it is not of my will. the feeling just came, i can't control it. why must humans have feelings? why??!

whee...yours truly got a new phone already. bought it on the 1st November and i bought the Samsung SGH-D900, one of the 3 Ultra Edition phones. wanted to get the E900 at first, but after listening to what bro's said, i finally decided to get the D900. it has better features (of course, it's later than E900) and they only differ by RM200. so why not, right? so happy but i'm poorer by a thousand plus now. poor as a church mouse. =( i still have so many things to buy. hopefully i'll be able to get maybe not all, but most of them by the end of the year. so what am i getting?

1 - a new wallet (must have, current wallet looks so horrible, seriously horrible. perhaps i should take a pic of it just to prove how bad it is)
2 - a new pair of spectacles
3 - facial products; cleanser, toner and moisturizer finishing soon


Look at my wallet..