you know what, i decided to colour my hair back to my original colour; black or darker brown. but the main problem is...yes money. oh my God, i want money. MONEY MONEY MONEYYY...

i'm freaking full. stomach is bloated now. how can this be happening? i had a piece of 'roti canai' and a cup of coffee for supper (seems like early morning breakfast) at 2:30am. supper at this hour isn't a good idea yet i'm still eating at this hour. great.. more kilos and a bigger tummy. hurrah..

i wanted to sleep now but i'm too full. so here i am, trying to waste some time blogging and i'm running out of words. guess i'll do something else. maybe i should start writing a testimonial to those who wrote one for me in friendster. yes..at least there's something to do now.

am i really wrong? i had an online conversation with T about A again. what a stressful one. T is still trying to talk me into taking A back as a friend, good old friend. she's still not giving up. what should i tell her to make her understands? she was talking about "forgive and forget". if she thinks that i'm this cold-hearted human who does not forgive and forget, then why am i still out with A when T asked us out? why do i still talk to A, although less and seldom? i do understand that she wanted us to be together again like what we used to be, but things can never be the same again. no matter what, we can never be like what we used to be. i have my own thoughts about this and i believe i have my rights to have my own thoughts, to make my own decision. she mentioned that friendship can be mend back. that's for her. for me? i doubt it. even if we are becoming good friends again, things will never be the same. IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. it's like a broken mirror, you can stick them back together but it will never look as perfect as before. i have my own points, T has her own points. everyone is different in this world. everyone has different thoughts. all i wanted are some respect and understanding from T. i know she's being nice and trying to help, but sometimes it is best to just let things be. i do treasure our friendship and i do not want anything to happen or ruin our friendship.

especially dedicated to this horrible friend of mine, who scolded another friend for some stupid shits..

"how can you be so selfish and inconsiderate? you guys are friends, been hanging out together most of the time and even stayed under the same roof before, but still you can be so selfish and inconsiderate. shouldn't you be ashamed? before you say something, please think. after you've said it, please make sure you mean it. when you say you'll help, please help. when you say something, PLEASE MEAN IT. i knew what kind of person you are, but i couldn't believe that you are actually getting worst. i know you are very unhappy at that time, but still you do not have to go till that extend. if you were in her shoes, how would you feel? what i wanted to say here is that what you've done wasn't very nice. BITCH!!"

YES!! relatives went back yesterday morning. back to where they belong. now my life is back to normal again, as in no worries about all the questions and noises that i'll get from aunts and uncles and cousins.

i think that i'm overexpose to the radiation from both the computer and television. everyday i'm facing these two entertainment provider that keeps me entertain and makes me lazier than before. my vision is getting blur from day to day and obviously this isn't a very good sign.

woot woot i'm home. just came back not too long ago, and just had my shower. it's a wise choice to escape the dinner, to escape from all the noises and questions from my relatives. everyone was asking where am i and about my "work", just like what i've expected. i'm not trying to be unfriendly or rude, but these relatives of mine are just too conservative, close-minded, typical Chinese thinking, what else can i say...i just couldn't find the right word for it. imagine that some of them do not want their daughters to further their studies after secondary school, because they believe gals do not need to study so much for they will need to get marry in the future. what the hell!! thank God my parents are not like them.

i feel quite bad that Nikki and 'jie' have to accompany me out and entertain me. sorry guys, especially 'jie' for troubling you so much and thanks for the company guys.

my doomsday...yesterday, today and tomorrow. someone please stab me to death. decided not to go for the dinner tonight and will be going out with friends. facing my relatives, especially cousins are a real slow and painful death.

woke up today and the very first thing that my Mum said was, "your uncles and aunts are coming tomorrow". wat the heck??!! TOMORROW? isn't that too fast? didn't even hear any news from them and suddenly they called, today, and said that they'll be here tomorrow. shits.. everyone will be here tomorrow because a cousin is getting married. i thought it's next month. hmm... guess i got the information wrong. i couldn't believe it but it's happening and it's happening real soon. i'll be showered with lots of question not present, and hey i'll be the "luckiest" girl on earth. yeeha... i'm so DEAD.

a lot of things happened lately; family, friends and my own personal problems. so much that i do not know where to start, what to say or how to say. some are meant to be remained silent while others, i do not know how to put them into proper words.

alright i did not attend the interview. Mum was making noises again just now. relatives are coming here next month to attend a cousin's wedding dinner. and by then, i'll need to entertain them again. questions that they can never fail to ask:
1) what are you doing now?
2) found a job?
3) are you working now?
4) why aren't you working now?!
5) when do you wanna start working then?
6) do you have a boyfriend now??
bla bla bla..and the list goes on and on..so fed up, so annoying, so irritating. why can't they just shut up and mind their own business?!! darn..

i kinda have a slight misunderstanding with my best friend, Tracy. since we're best bud for quite some time, i believe she should know what kind of person i am and she should accept me for who i am.

we had a chat the other day through msn. after having our conversation about this particular topic, she suddenly told me that she's mad and angry. i was wondering, what is there to be angry about. i don't get it. so i told her not to be mad, and here comes everything. she told me that at times, she finds that talking to me hurts her. she's wondering whether this happens to others or not, but it happens to her. she's not sure whether she should tell me about this, but in the end she told me. she said, "sometimes it makes me wonder why people never get close to you for long. i'm figuring it out but to my level of patience, i think i still can stand it".

well i know i'm not the nice, friendly type of person, i'm not the everyone-wants-to-be-friend-with-me kind of girl. i'm not popular. everyone in school dislikes me, i knew that. i admit that i do not have many friends around. and i do believe Tracy knew that since we were from the same school. what hurts me the most is she, how can she said that to me?! hits me really hard deep inside. how can she said that to me when she already knew i do not have many friends around? if others said that to me, i'm fine, but it's her, my best friend. to me, it's an insult. i was furious yet disappointed. i always thought that she knows me, she understands me. after that incident, it kinda makes me wonder, does she really understand me, does she really knows me? maybe it's because we've never met each other for quite some time, or maybe she feels that she's being left out. or maybe she's been expecting too much from me. the conversation between us went on and i think there were more misunderstandings between us. not a good sign at all and i dislike it.

i was so disturbed at that moment, i decided to talk to a close friend about it and he's been very nice and understanding. to comfort me, he said, "sometimes we think that being honest is good, therefore we chose to be honest. however, being honest only matters in different situation. sometimes people do not know that they are being honest at the wrong situation. they thought it is a wise choice, but the thing is, they do not know. understand that she wants to let you know her feelings, but it's just at the wrong time at the wrong situation". sigh..

it's already Thursday and i haven't reply to the company about my interview yet. i'm still considering, whether to go or not to go. most likely i'm not going. i've read this forum from the internet about the company and most people were complaining about it. a friend's friend used to work there too, and according to him, working for that company is a no no. so basically it's not a very good company and that kinda influence my decision on whether to go or not.

i dreamt of Tim Skold yesterday. i have a crush on him. like him so much. for those of you who do not know who he is, he's the bass guitarist for Marilyn Manson. i find him very cool. don't really know how to describe the dream, but i knew i was very nervous yet excited when i saw him. haha...couldn't believe that i actually dreamt of him. Tim Skold rocks...


Tim Skold

about the job i applied throught jobstreet.com, they actually mailed me back, asking me to go for an interview. hahaha...i never thought that it's going to be so soon. they wanted me to reply them back through email to confirm the date and time. now the problem is, i do not know should i go or not. maybe i will, but if i actually got the job, i will need to travel all the way from Klang to KL to work then back to Klang again. and the main thing is, i'm relying on public transports to go to work. that's going to be a big problem. i think i'll attend the interview. whether to take the job or not, i'll think about it later.