this year's Mooncake Festival was the saddest one ever. i think it will keep going like this for all the years ahead, for me. =( i remember how eager my siblings and i are looking forward to this festival every year since we were younger. we'll light lotsa lotsa lanterns and our house looks incredibly bright and beautiful. we'll have mooncakes and teas and jump for joy. it's simply fun. it's different this year. my schedule was so hectic, i wasn't given a chance to light even a lantern at home, as in Klang's home. so i brought 2 lanterns and some candles along to the house in Bukit Jalil. still have the spirit to light lanterns even being alone. not bad eh? never had any mooncakes either, not until after the Mooncake Festival, that was yesterday. sigh...



it was somewhere around last week when Nikki, jie and i had Carl's Jr.. i remembered how bro used to tell me that i should try Carl's Jr. someday when i got the chance. it was mine and jie's first time having Carl's Jr. and let me tell you something, first time is always the best. agree? once we were there, GOD!! we were spoilt with so many choices to choose from. spent some hard time deciding what to have and in the end, jie and Nikki both had the Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger, while i had the Charbroiled Chicken Club Sandwich. the portion was huge and they're very generous with the fillings. trust me, you will be sated. besides, drinks are refillable, thus the hefty price. so stop comparing..

i don't know what is in my mind again. i don't know what am i thinking. something is blinding me. something is blocking my ability to think. i'm doing the wrong thing again. i don't know how to stop it still. keep doing the wrong thing over and over again. no one can help me. no one except for me, myself and i. gosh, i hate this.

"when you said that you do like me, i wasn't convinced because you people are the same. you and your people always treat us, the gals like toys; you'll get excited and fun when it's new, you enjoy playing with it and when you're bored one day, you chuck it aside like a trash. but somehow, from all the things that you've said and done, you seem to be different compared to the others, which i hope i'm right...at least for this one time. i'm happy and flattered. you do make me feel so special and i enjoy feeling this way. i feel so lucky to be cared by you. seriously, i've never felt like this before towards someone, someone like you. but we both know, things will never work between us. it never will, will it? we're just SO different in everyway. you know what i mean? so why are we still doing this and go on? we'll both ended up hurting each other someday. or will it be just me, the only one who will feel the pain?

i wanna know, do you really mean everything that you've said? or do you actually said it just to catch my heart and attention? i wanna know, are you serious about all these? or are you doing it just to have fun and to fool around? i hope that you are different from your kind. i hope that you do not have the intention to treat me like a toy. if your intention is to treat me like a toy, please just stop and go away. leave me alone. i hope that you will never hurt me. please, have sympathy on my freaking soul..."

IF ONLY...

it's not that i do not appreciate my current job nor do i not enjoy it, but i guess it's time to seriously plan for my future. i have 2 choices in hand; job A or job B. both jobs are not base in Malaysia and both jobs are similarly good. IF ONLY my current job could be a lil' more promising, i would not have to squeeze the juice out of my brain just to figure which job to go for. i wouldn't even want to look for one at the very first place. IF ONLY my pay was enough for me to have my own saving (ya i have none even after working for 2 years. can you believe this?!), i would not even want to think about leaving the company (as for now la).

decisions, decisions, decisions... sometimes making a decision can be so easy that you can tell what you actually wanted without even have to think for a second. however, at times it can be so hard, you don't know which to choose, you think and think and think...your head feel so heavy, the pressure in your brain seems unbearable as if it's gonna explode, you feel like banging your head on the wall. that's the challenge in life. that's what that makes life so interesting and fun. but it's not that fun afterall. once you've made the decision, it can either be right or wrong. if it's right, then good for you. if not, you'll be shadowed with regrets and disappointment and bla bla bla...IF ONLY making a decision could be so easy, no one will ever make a mistake, and without making a mistake, no one will ever learn from the lesson. what a life.

bro has always been dreaming of becoming a pilot since he was a boy. he was then offered a job in Denmark and Dad told him to take the offer. he still dreams.. IF ONLY he wasn't offered the job in Denmark, he would have fulfilled his childhood dream of becoming a pilot. i was told before that i should try becoming a pilot by my bro of course and a couple of friends, but...IF ONLY it's that easy. IF ONLY i knew that a female can be a pilot too (i didn't know this until 2 years ago, i know i'm slow), i would have chose not to further my studies in UK but to use the money to take up flying course. IF ONLY...

IF ONLY i knew what i actually wanted in my life, i would not have to struggle now to sustain a promising future. now, my future looks so bleak.

there are so many things to do yet so little time. can't even decide which one comes first as everything seems similarly important. life has never been better. still leading the same old boring life. i think some of the cells in my brain are dying. can't seems to remember much lately, been so forgetful. memory is getting bad. can never deny the fact that i'm getting old, but never wiser.

thought of quitting this job of mine. but don't even know what can i do if i'm to quit this seems-to-be-the-best-job-in-the-world, as quoted by a huge number of the colleagues. the degree that i once owned has been left aside like a piece of junk paper. never make a good use out of it. how sad.. i'd wasted so much time, effort and money just to pursue a degree, and now look where my degree and i ended up at....NO WHERE. imagine how disappointed could my parents be, especially my Dad.

"sorry for letting you guys down".

few weeks ago, i accidently sprained my lower back and developed a fever. today, i sprained my shoulder's muscles, tendons, veins or wateva it is and it hurts badly. DAMN! i hope Yoko Yoko will help this time coz i'm having minor fever now. it's either i slept on the wrong side or it's a sign that i've been working way too much. first time ever, i think i seriously need a massage real badly.

just so you know, i'm not the kind who fancies stupid things like massage, manicure and pedicure, visiting the salon twice every month to get your hair style and up-to-date, buying the must have shoes and bags and clothes of the season and yadda yadda yadda. some say that i do not know how to pamper myself nor enjoy my life, but i would say that i do not want to spoil myself. well different people have different doings and different taste on what they like and dislike. doing none of the above doesn't proof nor show that i do not know how to enjoy my life, neither do i not know how to pamper or reward myself. i think one should just do it moderately and not massively unless you're loaded with $$$. unlike me, i'm a poor fuck with more important things to spend on with my hard-earned money. i do not have the money to spend on massage or manicure and pedicure which i think is unnecessary for now. a gal who dislikes massage, manicure and pedicure, shopping...weird eh? no this is what i call SPECIAL. different in my own way. =)

SERIOUSLY I NEED A BREAK!! I WANT TO GO HOLIDAYING!!!

i was assigned to go to Beijing on Merdeka's day by my company for a 2 days trip. it was indeed a very short and tiring one. touched down at Beijing International Airport at around 3:10pm and my flight back to KL was in the morning on the following day. the actual plan was to stay in the hotel. but how can i not call my friend out when i actually have a friend in Beijing? i mean you don't always get this; having friends in different part of the world. so i text Andy Wong who's in Beijing (he came here 2 months ago to work), and thus he brought me and another friend out 'kai kai'.

we came along this street called Gourmet Street along WangFuJing Street. OMG...you can find all sorts of exotic food there; maggots, scorpions, seahorse, even starfish, all skewered nicely with a skewer. they have different kinds of meat skewer; from beef, to pork, to lamb, cow's and pig's 'spare part', even dog meat. \(@_@)/ choose wateva you like and they'll barbeque them nicely for you. *blek* seriously i can throw up if i'm to stay there longer, the smell....really disgusting. all the stalls are selling the same thing. yucks... went to another street, OMG..saw the same thing again. we tried the 'fried fresh milk with condensed milk'. tasteless, they should put more condensed milk.

had our dinner in a restaurant in a mall along WangFuJing Street. the mall is something like our KLCC, where you can find top designers labels. went into Coach to check out my bags. =D so nice leh...but no money to buy. we then had Haagen-Dazs for dessert before heading back to hotel and sleep. my fren and i each bought a box of peaches for RMB25, that's approximately RM12. there are approx 23 huge peaches in a box. super cheap right?

although i'm a BANANA, i can speak Mandarin quite fluently, with the Beijing accent if you want me to. seriously, people will think that i'm from Beijing if i'm to speak to them. Awong can never stop laughing when i speak in Mandarin with the Beijing accent. STOP LAUGHING WEI!! even my family especially my Mum will laugh too. 'wo hui jiang hua yu, ke shi wo bu shi Beijing ren'. ka KA KA...siao already.

"Awong, thanks for bringing us out 'kai kai' and spending time with us. and i know, you must be very happy because i'm your first friend from Malaysia to visit you in Beijing. hehe... take care."





\(@_@)/





Chinese opera. so high up wei, neck pain la like that.


So big eh, slightly bigger than DKNY BE DELICIOUS 100ml.