An Absurd Wish

i remembered saying that i do not wish to see Him again. but now that i’m leaving, i wish and i wanted to see Him, at least for once, for the very last time before i leave. honestly, i still think of Him. but i'm trying real hard to get over it, trust me, i've tried and it's not easy. i need more time.

"HC, i know you’re so gonna kill me. and you're right, i'm living in denial. what i used to say were all blatant lies."

Decision Made?? Ding Dong...

i went for a job interview in June and have been worried for weeks when i did not receive any news from them. now that i've been offered a job, i'm worried still. so what am i worrying about? why aren't i happy about the job offer? i don't know. weird eh..

see, i think i'm confuse. i wanted to leave my company and start a new life, a new environment after what i've been thru. i wanted to leave my company as i don't see any good for me to stay, there isn't any opportunity for growth and the future isn't very promising. i wanted to leave my company because quite a number of my colleagues are leaving too, this kinda influenced me a lil'. not forgetting Him, the person whom i don't wish to see as well. duh.. it's so freaking hard to make a decision.

i know, i've been saying for-God-knows-how-many-thousand-times that i will leave my company when there's an opportunity. now that i've got one, i'm reluctant to. why? i think i love working with them although the company has been treating us like shit. i love my colleagues, although some of them are driving me nuts. this is my comfort zone. i'm reluctant to leave. i'm afraid to start from sketch again. i'm afraid to start a new life. i'm afraid to leave my family and friends here. i'm afraid of everything. i'm not going to be based in Malaysia. it's Hong Kong where i'll be based in. DARN!!! that's the main reason why i'm having such hard time deciding what i want. it's FREAKING HARD to make the decision. arRGHHH!!!

sigh. despite all the confusion and worries, i decided to follow 2 colleagues to the HR office this morning to tender our resignation letter. what was i thinking??!! serious, i was in total blank. so ya, i've tendered my resignation letter even though i have no idea what i want. be it good or bad, right or wrong, there's no turning back as i've notified the company that i'm leaving. there, decision has been made. problem solved. (i fucking hope so). honestly, i'm still having all these mixed up feelings and thoughts. I THINK I'M GOIN NUTS!!