I almost got myself killed...

i couldn't remember what time it was, but it was late at night on 26th Feb. i was sleeping at my place in Bukit Jalil and felt like peeing, so i woke up and dragged myself to the door. i unlocked the doorknob, opened and closed the door and went to the loo. when i was about the enter my room again, there it was...i couldn't opened the door. i tried twisting the doorknob again, to my horror, the door was locked. i must have accidently locked the doorknob after unlocking it just now. I WAS SO FUCKED!!

suddenly i was wide awake, eyes wide opened, heart was beating like crazy and i told myself, "I'M SO DEAD!!". no one's at home, my phone was in the room, we don't have a house phone, my keys were in the room too. there's nothing i can do. it's around midnight and neighbours must have been sleeping. even if they're awake, i couldn't call for help because i did not have the key to the main door. and all i knew was, i need to get in to the room.

there were times when i went nuts. i knew. thank God. twice, i actually went over to the balcony and decided to climb over and enter my room through the window. crazy, i know. but i was lucky because my conscious hit me at the right time. otherwise, i'll be one of the main highlights in the paper the next day. no, i'm not joking. i looked at the window, then looked down, climbed on the chair in the balcony and i tried to figure a way, a strategy to climb over. fyi, i live on the 19th floor. during that two times, i heard voices telling me that i'm not a super hero, i can't fly, i'll definitely fall and die. i stepped down from the chair and thank God for not doing so. no, it's not funny.

i finally managed to find a screwdriver. without hesitation and thinking about the after consequences, with all my might, i tried anything i could to open the door. i kicked, i thumped, i pricked, everything... i was soaking wet, like totally wet with sweat. it took me hours and i finally managed to get myself in. THANK GOD!! i wasn't happy, i wasn't relieved, i felt nothing, i totally felt numb.

grabbed my towel, took a shower. came out, decided to give Him a call, but then i knew, i shouldn't. took two panadols and went to bed. i knew my body will ache the following day and it's true. when i woke up the following day, my body ached like crazy. when i showered, i noticed bruises all over my body. then i took a look at the door, i knew i'm in deep shit. my friend's mom is so going to kill me. fyi, she already dislikes me, i'm in her blacklist. but i must let her know, so i called her and told her about everything. told her that i'll pay for the new door too. and yeah, my friend told me that her parents were pretty mad at me. but i guess all that matters now is, i'm still alive.

this morning after work, i was supposed to head back straight but being such a busybody, i couldn’t resist but to stop and made a phone call to Rosh to inform her about what i’ve just found out during work (some huge issue regarding a friend of ours). as usual when the two of us started talking, we went yapping like 2 crazy homo sapiens and don't care about what's happening around us.

a while later, i noticed someone was walking towards me and there He was, standing right in front of me. trying to be rude and ignorant, i continued talking to Rosh on the phone for around a minute, hoping that He will walk away. i just don’t think that i can bare the pain seeing Him again.

yup, something went wrong which i don’t know what, as i’ve been left with nothing except for worries and curiosities for the past 3 weeks. although a part of me wanted to see Him so badly, hoping to get an explanation on what happened to US, or should i just quote it as Him and i, but the other part of me wanted Him to go away, just walked away and leave me alone as if He doesn't see me. instead He was glued there, waiting for me.

i hung up and tried to be cool and calm. He was apologizing and telling me that He wanted to speak to me so badly. He was saying that He wanted us both to sit and talk; which i doubt, will it happen? and if it really does, i wonder when. before i could tell Him that He doesn’t owe me an apology but instead He owes me an explanation, He blurted that He felt bad leaving me just like that without any explanation. CRAP!! so i asked for an explanation. but He said that He couldn’t do it now, well at that time. i understand perfectly, He’s not trying to find a way to escape from explaining, but He really couldn’t explain it to me at that time as He gotta work. in the end, we bid farewell (awkwardly) and walked away in a different direction.

i left without an explanation given. i left without knowing what went wrong. i left feeling so stupid and angry. i left feeling the pain, the sadness, and at some point i just don’t know what was i feeling, the feeling was just indescribable. i feel like ripping out my heart and throw it away. i don’t want to feel anymore...

The Santa has left without leaving a word.
The Santa has left without saying goodbye. :`(

i can sense that lately, something is just ain't right. something huge is happening; something that i hope that it will never happen happens. i hope i'm wrong.
"i want to know what's happening. don't keep me waiting, leaving me with much worries and curiousities. don't keep quiet and disapper. at least tell me what's wrong."
sigh...

no, i didn’t go to Kuching and no, i wasn’t all alone in Bukit Jalil. in fact, i went back to Klang and stayed at home with my elder sis while the family balik kampung. as usual we had reunion dinner on the eve’s of CNY, and we went to the temple in the morning of the first day of CNY before the family balik kampung, whereas sis and i balik rumah. thought i wouldn’t die of boredom since i have internet at home, but heck i was so wrong because the connection was down for freaking 2 days. they're in holidays mood too, WTF. sis was out whole day with her friends while me, the lone ranger was at home all alone. in the evening of the first day of CNY, i had pizza from Pizza Hut for crying out loud. so kesian right?

then on the second day i almost died, not until when Rosh called and told me that she’s freaking bored too. thus she decided to come over to Klang and i drove us to AEON Bukit Tinggi aka Jusco Bukit Tinggi. YES, read it right, I DROVE. if you’re wondering why it’s such a big deal? stop wondering because...it’s just plain boring story. we then hopped over to Friendster Cafe in Sunway for dinner before heading back to Bukit Jalil as i'll be working the next day. well that’s how i spent my wonderful CNY this year.

::~Gong Xi Fa Chai~::