check this out..
http://www2.b3ta.com/merrychristmas/
Merry Christmas!!!

it's Christmas Eve today and sad to say, i'm not going out. spending my time with no one, all alone. it is indeed a lonely Christmas for me. sigh...

yesterday was a terribly exhausting day. i went for the interview and it's the longest interview i've ever had. there were so many people and most of them looked so qualified for that job. i was like a tiny ant around them. there were times when i wanted to leave that place and just go home. but since i was already there and i've waited for so long, it's going to be a waste if i didn't stick around and give it a try. surprisingly i managed to pass through all the phases, and most of the candidates whom i thought were qualified weren't selected. so it's actually worth waiting for so freaking long. however, i do not know will i be getting that job or not yet. there's another test for all the selected candidates and later we still need to wait for the result. somehow i have this feeling telling me that i'll fail the test.

i'm not going to stay up late today. i'm going to sleep after this. need to get up early in the morning because there's a job interview. it's for job B. but i don't think i can sleep soundly later. coz i knew i'll be thinking about the interview all night. that's just me, i think too much, way too much. i hate this thing about me. sucks.. i tend to think too much, either it's a small matter or big. i will think and think and think and think and think....ah anyhow i hope everything will be fine. i hope that i can answer them well. no nervous breakdown please. ah God bless me please and wish me luck..

life is so sickening. i've decided to apply for both of the jobs few days ago. i sent my application for job A and there is an interview for job B this Saturday. should i go or should i not go? i wanted to give it a try because the chances for me to get job A is kinda low. couldn't made up my mind and it's messing in my head, disturing me all the time. i toss upon my sleepless bed almost every night. once i'm asleep, i'll start dreaming about it. i'm so sick with this. my head is going to explode soon. give me a break, will ya..

life has been pretty fucked up lately. i'm stuck with these 2 choices; should i apply for job A or job B? both are good, but i can only choose one. however, someone told me to try both. i've been told that trying means i just got the chance but doesn't mean that i'll be in. that's so true. so now i'm telling myself to try both but somehow, something inside me keeps telling me to choose only one. headache...headache..

guess what? i shaped my own eyebrows just now. turned out to be so shitty. look so weird and imbalance. thanks to my own itchy hand. i'm going to look like an alien with funny eyebrows. so stupid of me.

these are the list of things that i wanted to do/get:
1. a pair of black pants
2. few working tops
3. colour my hair to black
4. trim my hair, if possible might straighten or perm
5. contact lens (using the last pair that can last me for 2 more weeks)
6. new shoes, a pair or two
7. shape my eyebrows, they are so bushy and untidy
8. a watch
9. invest in some makeup and facial products

i think that's enough, not going to "10". guess how much do i need for all that? 1K? maybe more. sign... i'm jobless and there's an extremely big hole in my pocket. yet i still need money to do and buy all the things listed. maybe not all but most of it.

Mum went to Penang with sis and bro just now. they left around 11am, right after i woke up. i was having trouble sleeping and that's why i woke up so "early". Mum wanted to go to Penang for some prayers reason, as well as visiting her sis (my aunt) and some other relatives. now there are only me, my younger sis, Dad and our lovely Hailie at home. all the house chores are directed to me of course. hate it. well i can avoid all those house chores, that is IF i'm going to Penang with them. but i chose not to go. not in the mood.

we (Nikki, jie and i) went to Malacca yesterday, finally...after 3 weeks of planning and cancelling the trip. however, we did nothing much there. we went to Malacca just to send jie's cousin home. had lots of food there, 'Chicken Rice Ball' for lunch and for dinner we had the 'Satay Celup'. it was good. we then went to the famous Jonker Walk and had 'Cendol'. my friend told me that the cendol there is so damn good. the best cendol ever. but i was quite disappointed when i tried it. it wasn't as good as what she had said. tasted the same as the normal, common cendol. well the 'gula melaka' was great, very thick unlike the one they have in Klang Valley. that's the only nice thing about the cendol.


Satay Celup


Yummy Doraemon Pancakes

attended my very first interview today morning. position applied for: admin assistant. company's profile: it's a company that deals with Proton & Toyota automobiles. the lady who interviewed me is nice. however, she thinks that my qualification is way too high and was curious why do i choose this job. she seems to be quite happy and satisfied with me though. one good thing about this job is that we get to do some roadshows once a while besides all those paper works and get stuck in the office forever. that's what i wanted, a job that does not require me to stay in the office, in my cubicle, facing the same people all year long. the bad thing is that they are looking for someone who is interested to work for a long term and not a person who comes to gain experiences and leave after a few months. well she told me that and wanted me to consider about it. "please be honest" is what she's trying to tell me, indirectly. honestly, i'm only interested to work for 1 month. yes 1 month. Lee San is coming back in 3 weeks time and i need money to go out with her. ok 1 month's pay isn't enough but at least it does help a little. i need a job, a part-time job will do. anyone who's willing to hire me for a month? anyone?

Mum kinda dragged me to Klang yesterday. we went to the job agency to get some help, to help me to get a job. a friend told me to look for this Chinese lady but she wasn't around, so an Indian lady helped me with everything. i told her i wanted something connected to IT or events. she couldn't find anything related to events and for IT, i need to have programming knowledge which i don't. so i ended up with 1 job on customer service and 3 on admin clerk/asst/exec. customer service is out because it's way too far from my place. so i got no other choices besides the admin jobs. i'm sure you know how much does an admin asst usually get paid. sometimes it could be less than 1K. that's so freaking sad. but what can i say, i'm just too choosy. so this is what i get. darn..

you know what, i decided to colour my hair back to my original colour; black or darker brown. but the main problem is...yes money. oh my God, i want money. MONEY MONEY MONEYYY...

i'm freaking full. stomach is bloated now. how can this be happening? i had a piece of 'roti canai' and a cup of coffee for supper (seems like early morning breakfast) at 2:30am. supper at this hour isn't a good idea yet i'm still eating at this hour. great.. more kilos and a bigger tummy. hurrah..

i wanted to sleep now but i'm too full. so here i am, trying to waste some time blogging and i'm running out of words. guess i'll do something else. maybe i should start writing a testimonial to those who wrote one for me in friendster. yes..at least there's something to do now.

am i really wrong? i had an online conversation with T about A again. what a stressful one. T is still trying to talk me into taking A back as a friend, good old friend. she's still not giving up. what should i tell her to make her understands? she was talking about "forgive and forget". if she thinks that i'm this cold-hearted human who does not forgive and forget, then why am i still out with A when T asked us out? why do i still talk to A, although less and seldom? i do understand that she wanted us to be together again like what we used to be, but things can never be the same again. no matter what, we can never be like what we used to be. i have my own thoughts about this and i believe i have my rights to have my own thoughts, to make my own decision. she mentioned that friendship can be mend back. that's for her. for me? i doubt it. even if we are becoming good friends again, things will never be the same. IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. it's like a broken mirror, you can stick them back together but it will never look as perfect as before. i have my own points, T has her own points. everyone is different in this world. everyone has different thoughts. all i wanted are some respect and understanding from T. i know she's being nice and trying to help, but sometimes it is best to just let things be. i do treasure our friendship and i do not want anything to happen or ruin our friendship.

especially dedicated to this horrible friend of mine, who scolded another friend for some stupid shits..

"how can you be so selfish and inconsiderate? you guys are friends, been hanging out together most of the time and even stayed under the same roof before, but still you can be so selfish and inconsiderate. shouldn't you be ashamed? before you say something, please think. after you've said it, please make sure you mean it. when you say you'll help, please help. when you say something, PLEASE MEAN IT. i knew what kind of person you are, but i couldn't believe that you are actually getting worst. i know you are very unhappy at that time, but still you do not have to go till that extend. if you were in her shoes, how would you feel? what i wanted to say here is that what you've done wasn't very nice. BITCH!!"

YES!! relatives went back yesterday morning. back to where they belong. now my life is back to normal again, as in no worries about all the questions and noises that i'll get from aunts and uncles and cousins.

i think that i'm overexpose to the radiation from both the computer and television. everyday i'm facing these two entertainment provider that keeps me entertain and makes me lazier than before. my vision is getting blur from day to day and obviously this isn't a very good sign.

woot woot i'm home. just came back not too long ago, and just had my shower. it's a wise choice to escape the dinner, to escape from all the noises and questions from my relatives. everyone was asking where am i and about my "work", just like what i've expected. i'm not trying to be unfriendly or rude, but these relatives of mine are just too conservative, close-minded, typical Chinese thinking, what else can i say...i just couldn't find the right word for it. imagine that some of them do not want their daughters to further their studies after secondary school, because they believe gals do not need to study so much for they will need to get marry in the future. what the hell!! thank God my parents are not like them.

i feel quite bad that Nikki and 'jie' have to accompany me out and entertain me. sorry guys, especially 'jie' for troubling you so much and thanks for the company guys.

my doomsday...yesterday, today and tomorrow. someone please stab me to death. decided not to go for the dinner tonight and will be going out with friends. facing my relatives, especially cousins are a real slow and painful death.

woke up today and the very first thing that my Mum said was, "your uncles and aunts are coming tomorrow". wat the heck??!! TOMORROW? isn't that too fast? didn't even hear any news from them and suddenly they called, today, and said that they'll be here tomorrow. shits.. everyone will be here tomorrow because a cousin is getting married. i thought it's next month. hmm... guess i got the information wrong. i couldn't believe it but it's happening and it's happening real soon. i'll be showered with lots of question not present, and hey i'll be the "luckiest" girl on earth. yeeha... i'm so DEAD.

a lot of things happened lately; family, friends and my own personal problems. so much that i do not know where to start, what to say or how to say. some are meant to be remained silent while others, i do not know how to put them into proper words.

alright i did not attend the interview. Mum was making noises again just now. relatives are coming here next month to attend a cousin's wedding dinner. and by then, i'll need to entertain them again. questions that they can never fail to ask:
1) what are you doing now?
2) found a job?
3) are you working now?
4) why aren't you working now?!
5) when do you wanna start working then?
6) do you have a boyfriend now??
bla bla bla..and the list goes on and on..so fed up, so annoying, so irritating. why can't they just shut up and mind their own business?!! darn..

i kinda have a slight misunderstanding with my best friend, Tracy. since we're best bud for quite some time, i believe she should know what kind of person i am and she should accept me for who i am.

we had a chat the other day through msn. after having our conversation about this particular topic, she suddenly told me that she's mad and angry. i was wondering, what is there to be angry about. i don't get it. so i told her not to be mad, and here comes everything. she told me that at times, she finds that talking to me hurts her. she's wondering whether this happens to others or not, but it happens to her. she's not sure whether she should tell me about this, but in the end she told me. she said, "sometimes it makes me wonder why people never get close to you for long. i'm figuring it out but to my level of patience, i think i still can stand it".

well i know i'm not the nice, friendly type of person, i'm not the everyone-wants-to-be-friend-with-me kind of girl. i'm not popular. everyone in school dislikes me, i knew that. i admit that i do not have many friends around. and i do believe Tracy knew that since we were from the same school. what hurts me the most is she, how can she said that to me?! hits me really hard deep inside. how can she said that to me when she already knew i do not have many friends around? if others said that to me, i'm fine, but it's her, my best friend. to me, it's an insult. i was furious yet disappointed. i always thought that she knows me, she understands me. after that incident, it kinda makes me wonder, does she really understand me, does she really knows me? maybe it's because we've never met each other for quite some time, or maybe she feels that she's being left out. or maybe she's been expecting too much from me. the conversation between us went on and i think there were more misunderstandings between us. not a good sign at all and i dislike it.

i was so disturbed at that moment, i decided to talk to a close friend about it and he's been very nice and understanding. to comfort me, he said, "sometimes we think that being honest is good, therefore we chose to be honest. however, being honest only matters in different situation. sometimes people do not know that they are being honest at the wrong situation. they thought it is a wise choice, but the thing is, they do not know. understand that she wants to let you know her feelings, but it's just at the wrong time at the wrong situation". sigh..

it's already Thursday and i haven't reply to the company about my interview yet. i'm still considering, whether to go or not to go. most likely i'm not going. i've read this forum from the internet about the company and most people were complaining about it. a friend's friend used to work there too, and according to him, working for that company is a no no. so basically it's not a very good company and that kinda influence my decision on whether to go or not.

i dreamt of Tim Skold yesterday. i have a crush on him. like him so much. for those of you who do not know who he is, he's the bass guitarist for Marilyn Manson. i find him very cool. don't really know how to describe the dream, but i knew i was very nervous yet excited when i saw him. haha...couldn't believe that i actually dreamt of him. Tim Skold rocks...


Tim Skold

about the job i applied throught jobstreet.com, they actually mailed me back, asking me to go for an interview. hahaha...i never thought that it's going to be so soon. they wanted me to reply them back through email to confirm the date and time. now the problem is, i do not know should i go or not. maybe i will, but if i actually got the job, i will need to travel all the way from Klang to KL to work then back to Klang again. and the main thing is, i'm relying on public transports to go to work. that's going to be a big problem. i think i'll attend the interview. whether to take the job or not, i'll think about it later.

finally there's a progress. finally i'm making use of the jobstreet's services. finally i applied for a job yesterday as an Event Executive in KL. not sure if i'll get it, but at least there's something. finally...

i just took my bath and came out from the bathroom when my mobile suddenly rang.

me: hello...
that someone: hello, Mani??
me: ermm...sorry, i think you got the wrong number
that someone: wrong number??? are you sure?
me: ermm..yes... *pause for a while* oh sorry, who are you looking for again?
that someone: YOU!!
me: huh?? do you....*screams....* ahhh it's you..oh fucker...

ahhhhh.....it's my friend...haha...surprised surprised. i was about to say, "do you got the right number" when i suddenly think again, hey that voice is so familiar. my friend from Canada called. this friend of mine lives in Alberta. gosh...it was a real surprise. at first i thought i heard "Mani" when she actually said, "mandi". i don't know why, but i get a lot of calls looking for an Indian when the number they called actually belongs to a Chinese, and that's ME. duh... therefore, when i heard "Mani", i thought it's a wrong number again. she was saying, "mandi" because before i took my bath, i was online and was talking to her. then i left a message and told her that i'm going to take my bath. it's so stupid and humiliating yet funny. we talked for exactly 2 hours 1 minute. fuh...that's gonna cost her a lot. but she said no worries, it's quite cheap, maybe it's gonna cost her around 6 bucks. i believe we can talk longer, it's just that my phone was running out of battery. in fact, it's totally out of battery and we got disconnected. haha...
"anyhow Lee San, i appreciate your call. very very surprised and shocked and happy. take care and i'll see you real soon."

Lee San is coming back to Malaysia on 23th December 2004 for 3 weeks. a lot of things to do then; lepaking, mamaking, clubbing, and travelling if possible. wohoo...quickly bring your frozen ass back and defrost it here in Malaysia. hahaha...

i had a long chat with Him today. i think our conversation was quite weird. seems like He's trying to find out if i'm still into Him or not. i'm sure He knew the answer, but guess He wanted me to tell Him myself. feel as if there's something really wrong. yes i know, i'm making my own assumption here. and i know that assumption is the mother of all fucked ups. assumptions are created by false perceptions leading to wrong conclusions. before He left, He said that He misses me. but i say nothing to Him.

Nikki is working already. she found a job and started yesterday. everyone is working now, earning money except for me. such a loser. it's been a month since we came back and Nikki's working already when she actually said she wanted to rest for 2 months. and as for me, i told myself to start looking for a job on the 1st October, but look at me now. gosh...suddenly i feel so useless when i'm actually very useless already.

the Korean drama, Stairway To Heaven isn't that bad afterall. however i haven't cry nor drop a tear yet like what 'jie' said i will. he told me that the drama is so sad that his Mum and sisters cried. and even a box of tissue isn't enough for them. i don't know is he exaggerating or what. i've never cried while watching movies/drama series. never ever..no matter how sad it is, i will never cry. not to say that i'm cold-hearted, but i just can't. of course at times i can feel that my eyes were wet, but the tears will never drop. last week 'jie' asked me is the main actor good-looking? honestly i don't find him good-looking, but that was last week. now i realized that i'm so into him. he's so good-looking. hahaha.. the more i see him, the more i like him. gorgeous..


Kwon Sang Woo, the main actor in Stairway To Heaven.


Kwon Sang Woo again.





Choi Ji-Woo and Kwon Sang Woo..love this picture

Lee San went for a trip again. man that bitch is such a lucky devil. i was talking to her last week or two weeks ago about this place called Icefield. saw that from tv, find it very interesting and nice. told her that she should go there one day. guess what. she just went there last week with her friends. cool.. of course i'm not that powerful to influence her or to talk her into this; going to Icefield. it's just a sudden plan, if i'm not mistaken. well i would love to go there one day, i will...but not sure when. how can i go when i'm not earning any income..gee this is bad.

guess what, i started to watch this Korean drama series called Stairway To Heaven. i never watch any Korean drama series at all, like Winter Sonata or Piano or what-so-ever. but now, i'm watching a Korean drama series. i couldn't believe it myself, not even my sisters. well 'jie' did told me about that drama before, he loves it and he got all the vcds for that drama. he even told me that he has watched it for 7 times. 7 TIMES!! that's crazy. as for me, i watch it from tv, it's showing on 8tv and just started 2 days ago. what i dislike about the drama is that they translated everything into Mandarin. so disappointed. i decided to ask 'jie' to burn the vcds for me because i believe it's nicer to watch the original version in Korean and not Mandarin.

for the past 2 months, i've been cracking my head, thinking of the proper words and phrases to fit into my article. i wanted to write an article about fat people; why people look down on them, why are they being treated so badly and unfairly, why some people love to talk bad about them, tease them and make fun of them, showing no respect to them, being mean...it's sort of like discrimination against fat people. but unfortunately, i couldn't write even a proper paragraph. i really wanted to write this but i can't. why do i want to write this? that's because i've seen and heard people including my own friends, teasing and laughing at fat people. as for me, i don't think that is a good or proper thing to do. afterall, we're all humans with feelings. but too bad, i'm not articulate with vocabs. so i'll just dropped the pen and forget about it then.

wow, it's been a while since i update. duh..as if people actually read my blog. haha..well it's not surprising though, that no one reads my blog, coz i tell no one about this, not even my best friends. besides, my blog sucks. it's full with crap, shitty, boring, stupid and lame stories, and seriously there's nothing interesting at all. i kinda created this for myself to read and write, a place for me to bitch, sulk and complain about everything.

so what have i been doing lately? you can guess it for sure, yes..nothing. nothing meaningful at all. staying at home doing nothing as usual, jobless, lonesome and pathetic. have not started looking for a job yet, although i did said that i'll do it on the 1st Oct. it's now 9th Oct and i'm still lazing at home. i'm leading a very unhealthy lifestyle. look at me, still awake at this hour. i'll only be sleeping at the wee hours of the morning and by the time i wake up, the sun is already shining on my ass. ouch.. so how can i work, i wonder? that's what lazy people like me will think about. gosh.. but not to worry, at least i did some homework. i registered in jobstreet.com and posted my resume. that's it. not something to be proud of though, but for such a lazy person like me, it's considered alright, i mean at least i did something, right? ah well i'm off to bed now.

what a weird and funny dream i had today. i dreamt that i'm pregnant. YES, I'M PREGNANT. it's quite big, maybe 4 or 5 months. how can that be? who's the father? i seriously have no idea. i knew that i have a husband in that dream but i don't know who he is. i couldn't see his face, how he looks like but i knew i have a husband. though it's just a dream, it actually feels quite real. i can feel that i'm carrying another life in me. it feels so nice. gosh..what the hell is wrong with me? is this dream trying to tell me that i'm desperate to be a mother, or that i'm going to be a mother soon? talking about desperation, i don't think i'm desperate to be a mother at this age. of course i do want to be a mother one day, but not at this age definitely not at this age. too young to be one.

went to Bangsar last Saturday, 2 Oct. it's my best friend's birthday on the 3 Oct so we went to Bangsar to celebrate with her. had dinner in Telawi Street Bistro. it's a nice place, they serve nice food but the prices are quite costly. we had 1 starter and 5 main courses that cost us RM228 in total. well that's the price to expect if you are dining in places like this. we then went to the Pharmacy in Telawi 2. we opened a bottle of Chivas and we got a bottle of Absolut Vodka for free. that's because there were 8 of us, all gals. they said that if there are 8 gals, they'll give a bottle of Absolut Vodka for free, but only on Wednesday and Saturday. well that's a good one. we finished all the vodka and 1/3 of the Chivas. it's considered a pub not a club so basically it's quite small. not a very nice place though. but it was my first time hanging out with my best friend's friends. we were studying in the same secondary school but we are not close and we rarely talk to each other. i actually decided not to go. but i've been thinking, since i've known Tracy for so long, i'd never celebrated her birthday with her before. so finally i chose to go and it was quite ok though i felt quite awkward at times. anyhow Happy Belated Birthday to you, Tracy.

i'm so blank and empty, my life is totally dead. i've been doing nothing except staying at home, sleeping, eating, watching tv, going online. sometimes out on weekends, then i'll be spending money. nothing else. i'm not earning anything but i'm spending everything. parents are making noises already, wanting me to look for a job fast. recently i've been looking through the newspapers and JobStreet, trying to look for a job. but seriously speaking, i really don't know what i'm into, what can i choose to work, what is suitable for me, what is what, what is this, what is that..there are just too many WHATs. i don't know what can i be or what i'm good at besides being lazy. gosh..this is so horrible. studying life is still the best. how i wish i'm rich. then i can continue studying again. if i have the money, this time i'm going to choose something i'm really into. like what? i don't know. cooking and baking might be good for me, or maybe mass communication. maybe business or teacher, Maths teacher. or i should try pharmacist. argh..see, i don't even know what i want. how can this be?!

parents been pestering me to look for a job. well i wanted to but am just too lazy. WHY AM I SO LAZY?! HOW CAN I BE SO FUCKING LAZY?!! gee..think i need some motivation man.

This picture was taken from the other end of the tunnel entrance at Island Gardens. Imagine how far we've walked, from opposite to where I was standing while taking this picture.


Cutty Sark - the most famous tea clipper

i'm back, back to this boring, hot and humid country of mine, Malaysia. gosh i miss London so much. i was back on the 20th September, touched down at KLIA at around 5:14pm. i had a very good sleep in the plane, though the seat is still terrible. first time ever, after traveling to and fro for 6 times from KL to London, this was the first time i had the best sleep and felt that the journey was so short. was very very tired and exhausted on the day i left. i only had around 8 hours sleep on Saturday and a 30minutes nap on Sunday. that was why i could sleep so well in the plane.

17 Sept - Nikki and i went to Greenwich. it's a very nice place; quiet and peaceful but there's nothing much to see and do there. we went to the Tourist Information Centre, took a map and started walking around Greenwich. we saw this building that looks quite interesting and we went in, turned out that it's the entrance to a tunnel: the Greenwich Foot Tunnel. the tunnel runs under a river called River Thames. we walked from one end, where the Cutty Sark is to the other end which is the Island Gardens and i have no idea how far is that. it doesn't seem far though. when we came out from the other end, we were shocked because it looks pretty far. we then went to the Royal Observatory Greenwich, the home of the world's Prime Meridian - Longitude 0° - and of Greenwich Mean Time. we also stopped by at the Greenwich Market but it's quite empty because it's Friday and not weekends. since there's nothing left to see, we decided to head home.

since Nikki and i will be going back to Malaysia for good on the 19th, i've asked our Korean friend, will he be coming to see us for the last time, and will he be sending us off? he asked me if i want him to come. well of cource i do want him to come, but still it's all up to him. he said that he'll give us a call the next morning and see how thing goes.

18 Sept - slept at around 5am and our friend called at around 11:50am. so only had around 7 hours sleep. friend called to tell us that he's going to play golf with his friends first and later will be going to the coach station to get the ticket to London. he'll call again when he got the ticket. took a short nap in the noon, woke up and cooked dinner, our last dinner in London.

didn't received any call from our friend later in the evening, so i suppose he's not coming. a lil disappointed i must say. then suddenly, he called and told me that he missed the last coach and he'll be taking the earliest coach to London the very next morning. so, he's actually coming. his coach will depart from Bournemouth at 3:15am and he's reaching at 6:15am. and so, Nikki and i have to go to the station to pick him up early in the morning. ah isn't that great? he chooses the RIGHT time. Nikki and i stayed awake the whole night till the next morning, and that's Sunday morning.

19 Sept - Nikki and i took the night bus from our place to Central London at around 4:30am. that's classic. it's totally dark and people think that we're crazy. we couldn't take the tube because tube services start at 6am, some 6:30am. so thank God the buses here runs almost 24hours everyday. met up with him at the Victoria Coach Station and then we went home. all of us were so tired, we decided to get a short nap. couldn't sleep much, i only slept for 30minutes and Nikki slept for 1 1/2 hours. our friend slept the most coz he conquered the whole bed. we then went for lunch and came back, continued packing and then it's time to leave.

he came, he actually came. i told him that it was a surprise and he said that he doesn't want to disappoint me. felt so sorry because we didn't bring him out at all, just stayed at home and sleep and even helped us with all the heavy luggage.

"Thanks for the sweet memories. will be missing you always.."

20 Sept - our 'jie' came to the airport to pick us up. well basically none of our parents knew that we're back, neither Nikki's nor mine. no one in Malaysia knew except for our 'jie'. once we touched down at the airport, i called Tracy. gave her a surprise and she was surprised. haha... she's now in Malacca and have no idea when will she be back. so 'jie' fetched me back first, and when my family saw me, i think they were quite surprised. Mum told me that yesterday, that was 19th Sept, she dreamt that i came back on the next day and my friend fetched me back home. well turned out that the dream was real. coincidence? i don't know. but it's cool..

i've already booked my seat on the 19th, so will be going back to Malaysia on that day with my friend Nikki. gonna miss London so much.

that "friend" of mine in the house is seriously getting on my nerves. yesterday was her birthday and she went to her friends' house coz they baked her a cake. well of course Nikki and i did celebrate with her too. anyway, when she came back, i opened the door for her and i noticed that she has a black face on. knew something wasn't right. after a while, i went to the lounge and sat with Nikki. she told me that that "friend" of ours wanna have a talk with us. ouch...suddenly both of us were so tensed. wonder what she wanna say..

finally all of us sat down and the talk began. that friend, ok ok it's Ashley, she said that she received a call from the landlady, saying that the people downstairs were complaining about us again for the second time, for being too noisy. people downstairs said that we've been making noises every single day, and the worst was on Tuesday. lots of noises and screaming were heard especially from the lounge and from Nikki's room. Ashley told the landlady that yes she has told us to lower down our voices before, but we didn't listen to her. she even dare to say that she believes that she is the one who makes the less noise among us. and the best part of all, she said something which i believe was directed to me. she said, "you knew yourself who made the most noise, who scream the most, the loudest". i reckon that's me she's talking about. well she said that she's very angry and mad, but hey as if Nikki and i were not. i was so pissed at her when she said all those. it's so unreasonable, so unfair and so untrue. end of the conversation.

about screaming..well thanks to her of course or else Nikki and i will never scream. what..do you think that Nikki and i were from the zoo, we'll go screaming for no reason or are we like the insane people that go screaming around?? of course no. it's definitely a great thanks to Ashley for making ME screamed. she's one hell of a sick person. she'll come and molest me and Nikki, almost every single day. no wonder the people downstairs said that we make noises every single day. she's extremely sick. who will not scream, you tell me. so i don't think it's totally our fault. if she is to leave us alone, then there will be no screaming. no noises, no complains.

later, Nikki and i had a talk in the balcony. she said that what Ashley said just now were so unfair. i knew..i agree. that's why i did not say sorry to her at all. coz i knew it's not totally my fault. what happened on Tuesday, Ashley said that she couldn't remember what we did..i don't know if she has really forgotten about it, or she knew that it's sort of her fault so she said she couldn't remember, i really have no idea. but it's fine as long as Nikki and i remembered. on Tuesday, we were watching movie in Nikki's room. whose idea was that? Ashley. she suggested that we watched movie in Nikki's room. she's so smart. usually when we wanna watch movie, she'll suggest that we watch it in Nikki's room. isn't she smart? if anything happens, she can escape from the blame. brilliant, ain't it?

went to the room just now(Nikki's room) and i saw her sitting on the floor, leaning against the bedside. noticed her hands were holding some tissues, and when i looked at her, her eyes were red: she's crying. oh my God!! what should i do? what can i do? comfort her? i tried to, but she's talking to her Dad online. i don't know what to do, how to react. if i stay, i'll kinda disturb her talking to her Dad, i wanna give them some privacy. in the end, i chose to leave the room. she might think that i'm such a useless friend. well i guess i am. i really have no idea what to do. i feel so useless.

she's always been a very strong and tough person. that was the first time i seen her crying. of course i know how she feels. she's a very ambitious gal. she loves London so much and is desperate to get a working permit so that she can work and stay here longer. she's been doing so much stuff for the company she has been working for and suddenly they just fired her. all her plans and dreams were crushed, crushed by those stupid idiots who do not know how to appreciate her. now she has to start all over again, and it's not that easy. that's life, full with obstacles and unexpected future.

i don't know what is waiting for me in the future, i don't know what will i be doing and i don't know how would my future be. i wanted to stay in London and work here too, but things are never that easy, especially for a person like me, so useless and lazy.

Mum called me just now, she's worried, afraid that something might had happened to me. she hasn't seen me online for the past few days. it's not me who doesn't wanna go online, i just can't. Nikki stops going to work after she got the termination letter and now that she's at home, she'll be using the laptop more often. all i can do is to sit and wait for my turn. i've been sitting in the lounge from noon till evening, looking around the lounge, listening to some musics and i even fell asleep. there's nothing nice showing on tv in the noon and there's nothing else i can do. dead boring..

this is life. i'm enjoying my life here as a living parasite. not working, not earning money and am enjoying life like i'm some sort of rich people. the weather here is getting a lot better. it started to get sunny again last week and it's predicted to be the same throughout this whole week. i was writing this in a piece of paper yesterday while sitting at the balcony, listening to some musics, enjoying the weather, no nice scene but it's good, get to see the lovely sky, rooftop of some buildings and trees, and was enjoying my iced lemon tea. what i'm lacking of is the internet connection. something is really wrong with the connection since Sunday. i'm not quite sure what's wrong but i have the feeling that it's one of my friends who actually did something to it so that the laptop which uses the external wireless network card can't go online. laptop belongs to Nikki and i uses that all these while. now i'm sure you know whom i'm talking about. ya it's Ashely. sometimes she'll unplug the router's cable when she faces low connection rate so that she gets to use the connection all by herself. sometimes when Nikki and i were downloading stuff, she'll come to us and asked us to stop the downloading coz that interfere her online activities. don't you think that she's selfish? i did, i think she is.

yesterday Nikki came back with a very bad news. she's fired, she lost her job. her boss just gave her a termination letter yesterday right before she left the office. the reason given? she's not suitable for the work even after they gave her second chance. what the hell. she's a workaholic and she's very hard working. she did almost everything for them, from administration to accounting. they're just doing it on purpose, couldn't find a better reason for her, so "not suitable" is the reason they could find. lame.. so now she need to get a job asap, or she'll need to go back to apply for the working holidaymaker. if she's going back then i'll be following her too. even if she's not going back, i'll be going back as well, probably next week or 2 weeks time.

i am so gonna explode soon. i'm still holding on, holding on real tough. someone has been threatening my limits of tolerance and patience, and i really don't know until when can i be patient with her. sometimes i really wanted to punch her real hard on the face. staying with someone like this friend of mine is a real torture, a real disaster, unless you have an extremely extremely extremely high level of patience and tolerance. i'm wondering how can my other friend stays with her? i must say that yes she's a nice person, but only at times. not all the time. when she started to be the 'real' her, it just made me sick. and i'm talking about Ashley.

alien vs predator..I WANT TO WATCH THAT MOVIE. i've been waiting for it for a year, since last year when i knew that the movie is to be released on summer this year, i just couldn't wait for it. alright i admit that i really have this great obsession about aliens and predators. the movie was said to be released on June this year but they postponed it to August. it's already been released in US on the 13th August, and 26th in Malaysia. in London..you will not believe it, it's said to be released on the 22nd October. OCTOBER!! yes..that's so slow. well that's what you can expect when you are in London. the cinemas here are still showing Shrek 2 and coming soon, The Punisher which will be released here on the 24th September. hey The Punisher was shown in Malaysia on May. imagine how slow is that.

talking about the obsession, i once dreamt that i was leading a team to rescue kids from a kindergarten against aliens attack. it was really fun and exciting. i like playing CounterStrike too and M4A1 Colt Carbine is my favourite weapon. in that dream i was holding that gun and that was so cool. then few days ago i dreamt that i was given a mission to kill mad dogs. mad dogs as in virus infected dogs like the one in Resident Evil, and i was holding a MP5 Navy. i know it sounds crazy but i really like this kind of dream. it's so adventurous, fun and exciting.

yesterday's picnic was good, but if the weather is sunny and hot, it will be wonderful. when we found the best place to sit, it started to drizzle. and that's so SHIT. thank God it only lasted for few minutes but the weather was still horrible. it was very cold, we were shivering. imagine having a picnic in the park, holding your food, shivering..that's so pathetic. but overall we had fun, fooling around, making noises at the park. nice nice...met really nice people there, they are so friendly, and got to see some really nice dogs. oh and i found out the name of the park, it's called Broomfield Park.

went to the park nearby for a walk with Nikki yesterday. it's quite nice but of course it's not as nice as Hyde Park or Green Park. i don't know what's that park called anyway. we were sitting on a bench when 2 teenage boys approached us. talked to us and they thought i'm only 19 years old. wahahaha... one of them is 17 and the other one is 18. when i told them that i'm 22, they were quite surprised but they said age doesn't matter. haha... they thought that Nikki and i are from The States. when we told them that we are from Malaysia, they don't know where is that. one of them asked for my number, but i'm not so dumb to give it to him. but i gave him my e-mail address which i've created especially for junk mails. so guess that will not do any harm huh..

we had tom yam steamboat for dinner yesterday. wohoo... well of course we do not have the best ingredients but what we had were good enough. we can't expect much especially when we are in London, where some ingredients are hard to get and please do not forget about the price as well. so we only had chopped shrimps, fishballs, seafood sticks, chicken fillets, kangkung, and rice noodles. it might sound very pathetic, but i'm very happy with it.



yesterday's weather forecast predicted that today will be cloudy and a bit sunny. so we've planned to have a picnic at the park. we've bought all the stuff we needed yesterday and we bought a bottle of Malibu as well, just for the picnic. the weather now is quite sunny but it's cold, the wind is blowing, cold wind. but no matter what, we'll still be having our picnic coz we already had the food prepared, almost prepared. almost done and we'll be going for the picnic soon. wohoo...

i had dinner with my friends yesterday at this Chinese restaurant down the road. Daniel is leaving for New Castle so it's sort of a farewell dinner. we had buffet there and it's quite reasonable. £13 per person. starters are served at the counter and we get to order the main dishes as many as we like. we ordered almost 15 dishes; king prawns, fish, mussels, pork, beef, chicken, duck, veggie..and there were only 5 of us. hmm..call us big eater.

after dinner we went back to the flat and started playing poker. took a break later and went chilling at the balcony. Daniel spat out a mouth full of water on me. isn't that disgusting?! he did the same thing to Nikki as well. gosh..what a notty fella. we then continued the poker game and 2 friends suggested that we have this drinking session, whoever lose will have to take a shot of vodka or red wine. i will definitely choose vodka as i dislike red wine. i must say that i'm quite lousy, or should i say unlucky, coz i drank the most. i remembered there was once when i have to down 6 shots of vodka straight. what a sad case. but thank God i'm not drunk. not to say that i'm good in drinking, but at least i'm better compare to Daniel. trying to make me drunk huh? we'll see about it. maybe i should challenge him one day, one on one, and i'm sure he'll hug the toilet bowl first. hehe...

anyhow Daniel, all the best in life!!

finally the internet connection in Nikki's room is back in action. we went to the computer centre again on Monday and they sent a man to fix it today.

Nikki asked me to move in with them this weekend. her friend, Daniel will be staying in her room in the hall then. that's fast. gonna miss Ted Lewis Hall again..

the server is still down, only in Nikki's room. i wonder why. it's been down since 3 weeks ago. guess there's some problem with the port. been listening to the same old songs again and again every single day. been playing the same old game everyday, and it's the best game ever, 'Solitaire'. how pathetic. used to have a tv in her room, but now it's in her new place. she shifted to her new place in Palmers Green on the 23rd July with Ashley. it's a nice flat, a cosy place. however, i find the environment and the people in that area quite dodgy, quite dangerous. i'll only be moving in with them end of next month. currently i'm staying in Nikki's room in the hall of residence.

went clubbing last Saturday, 31st July. will never ever step into this club called "333". it's the worst of the worst club i've ever been. terrible music, terrible dance floor, terrible environment and terrible crowd. overall it's HORRIBLE. sucky place, sucks to the max. and the worst part of all, we have to pay fucking £10 to get in, which is totally not worth it. we can get to better clubs with £10, some even less than £10. on the way back home, we got to see something very interesting. there's this fountain near Tottenham Court Road and we saw 2 guys naked, and i mean totally naked, swimming in there. they even posed for pictures and doing really crazy stuff. unfortunately we don't have any camera with us, so no pictures.

when we reached home (Nikki's and Ashley's new place), we noticed that there was some sort of bees attack in the house. at first there were 2 to 3 of them but then it's getting more and more. Ashley was really tired, went to bed and she switched off the light. eventually, the bees in her room were gone. but the bees in Nikki's room were getting more and more, coz she has the light switched on. scary... just wished that they will not come and sting us, but Nikki got stung by one. luckily she's fine, just felt itchy. then i remembered that bees don't like smoke. you know, from the documentary, when the people wanna collect honey from the bee hives, they use the smoke to make the bees dizzy. well i don't know what smoke is that but that gave me an idea. Nikki's friend who smokes was with us that night. so told him about my idea and he lighted 3 ciggies and put them in Nikki's room. it does worked, the bees started to get dizzy and soon it was all gone.

so tired lately, been out all day, bringing parents around London and spending time with them. they are leaving today, night flight. time flies..seems like they're just here for 2 or 3 days. gonna miss them. will be going out soon to meet parents, so in the meantime, here i am, trying to blog. finally i managed to post the picture of my new hair. LOOK...what do you think? as for me, i still prefer the black, original one. actually it's not black, it's more to brownish and people don't believe that that's my original hair colour. duh..


The before and the after..

'jie' is damn sad today. something's really bothering him. i do not know how to help as i'm not very good in giving advice. i can listen but giving advice, i'm not really good in that.

6 July - first of all, congratulations to Nikki, she graduated today. went to the airport to pick my parents up and then checked into the hotel. what a coincidence, a friend of mine and his Mum are staying there too. later we, as in me and my parents had dinner with Nikki and her parents. dinner was great, Thanks.

7 July - it's my turn to graduate. went to the Wembley Conference Centre and thank God i managed to get myself a robe. and i rented it for £35. wasn't very excited about it though, but that's until i stepped into the auditorium. when the ceremony started, things started to flash in my head. been thinking a lot and i wished i had a paper and pen there, so that i can just wrote everything down. now i can't really recall what was i thinking at that time. gosh...talking about short-term memory lost. well see, first of all, i would really love to thank my parents, especially my Dad for sending me over to London to study. all the money that he earned, all gone because of me. thinking about it, i feel so bad and guilty and sorry. then i started to think about the past, the sweet memories and the hard time i had when i was here in London. arghh...i don't know how to put everything in a proper sentence. fine that's it.

had my pictures taken and i spent £42.95 for it. isn't that costly?! anyhow i'm stuck now, don't know what to write.

8 July - went to the wax museum, Madame Tussaud's. entrance ticket, £19.99 per person. there's nothing cheap here, ain't it? talking about art, isn't it amazing how people can actually made something (the wax) that looks so incredibly alike the real person that they're making? shit..do you understand what i'm actually talking about? alright sorry if you can't understand coz i have really bad vocab. later in the evening, had dinner with Nikki, my 'jie' and parents at Belgo. all of us had lobster meal, LOBSTER. yummy..but when the bill came, goodness gracious, £113++. and thanks to my Dad again, for the great dinner. he must be extremely broke now. how can he survive with a daughter like me?

guess what, i'm already in London. woohooo...i really miss this place, and now here i am. so happy and it's nice to be back here again. what a wonderful day. but the journey sucks. can't really sleep, don't eat much, headache, backpain, neckpain...but no jetlag. nice to meet Nikki again. it's so much fun.

talking bout that new look, i don't know what to say. at first, i find it quite fascinating. but later on that day itself, i found it damn 'ah lian'. the hair stylist suggested me to do this new technique of colouring, it's called two-toned, if i'm not mistaken. but it ended up with three tones: red, gold/blonde, brown. he said that this is the latest technique and i'm his fourth customer to do that. so i've been thinking, why not give it a try. well..now..i kinda regret it. will try to post a picture of the before and after the hairdo. there's nothing i can do now, but to learn to like it. would like to thank Karen, for fetching me there and waited for me for 2 1/2 hours. and pity Tracy, waited for us for an hour.

"i had a great time with you guys that night before i leave. Thanks and take care."

an hour later, i'll be taking the challenge to give myself a brand new look. i'll have my hair cut and coloured. i've never had my hair coloured professionally. so this is it. i have no idea what colour should i pick, so i'll just ask them to match one for me. hopefully it will not turned out to be very 'ah lian'.

i wanted to book my graduation robe on-line few days ago but there's something i'm unclear about and the bank hold my solo card. finally, when i've decided to book my robe by using my Dad's visa card, they don't allow me to book on-line any longer. i was too late. i called them then. the lady said it's just too late. i'm required to get the robe on the graduation day itself. and best of all, they can't guarantee that there'll be a robe for me on that day. isn't that great?!

went to Nikki's house last Saturday. her Mum invited me and jie for asam laksa. thanks Aunty. we gave Nikki a call (for your info, she's still in London) from her house and told her that we're at her house, having asam laksa. she's so jealous.

i'll be flying off to London on the 4th July. graduation ceremony is on the 7th. Mum and Dad will be going on the 6th. i haven't book my robe yet. hope it's not too late. can't wait to go back. so excited..

my birthday night was ok, not too good, not too bad. i had fun though, thanks guys. we went to this club called RUSH. A was pissing everyone off. she first told my friend that she's not going to drink and she's not going to pay even a penny. but instead, she drank and drank and drank..and finally she reached the level. sitting MOST of the time, stoned, blur. asked if she's ok, stubborn and still wanted to pretend as if she's ok. in the end, she went to the washroom and puked. well done.

my friends had planned for an outing for tonight for my birthday. however i'm still sitting here, in front of the pc and am able to blog. a friend told me that she'll pick me up at 9:30pm. now it's already 10pm and i just sms one of them. turned out that her cousin's car is having a problem and they are waiting for the tow truck. my friend who's suppose to pick me up, ended having a problem too. so i'm not sure if tonight's plan is working. i'm dressed with the MNG top i bought (lotsa hard work been put just to get this top), and i'm wearing my mini skirt which i bought from Milan. hmm...i really do hope that tonight's plan is working.
ok i just received a text from my friend, she's coming to pick me up first. so i guess the plan is on again. hopefully it's gonna be fun.

::~Happy Birthday to ME!!~::

got to know that one of my friends in UK is going back to Korea for summer. sigh.. we will not be able to see each other when i'm going back to London then.

Mum went to China with Grandma yesterday morning. :( in the evening, i went to my sister's office, waited for her to finish work and we decided to walk to the pasar malam in Meru to get something for our dinner. we were walking, and it started to drizzle. i already had my umbrella out and sis was trying to get her umbrella out from her bag. suddenly, a motorbike came from behind and a guy said "hey", so i thought he's someone we knew. in a split second, all i knew was my sis fell and that fucking guy snatched her bag. there were 2 of them, and they are Muslims (doesn't mean to discriminate but that's the fact). so everything in my sister's bag were gone. her wallet with cash, ic, driving licence, credit cards, her mobile phone, both office and house keys. HOUSE KEYS..that's the scariest one. why? they have her ic you see, with the address..and house keys...scary.. so called Dad and he came to pick us up and we went to the police station. after being a Klangian for almost 22 years, that's the first time i actually stepped into the police station in Klang. not proud of it anyway. that's a scary incident. it happened to my sister and i was actually there, standing just next to her. i was shaking all the way till i reached home. it's traumatizing, even until now, after almost 3 weeks, it's still haunting me. whenever i go out with a bag, i actually hug it tight and i'm always alert with the people around. when there's someone who looks suspicious to me, especially those "paria people", i'll get paranoid and will try to be extra careful. i don't want this to happen to me, it's just too scary.

wow..my last post was 2 weeks ago?! my bro been using the pc 24-7 since he finished his exams 2 weeks ago, playing Ragnarok Online. don’t even have the chance to use it. so what’s the story??

14 May - T text me, she’s going swimming with A again and wanted to meet up. ok i went. we went to Indiana Café. since we decided to go out on Saturday, we were discussing about what to do and where to go. T wanted to go to Time Square but i kinda disagree with her. she’s working on Saturday and she’ll finish work at 1pm. we will be taking ktm and monorail there. so i told her it will be late and besides, there’s nothing much to do in Time Square. so we cancelled that. A wanted to go for a movie or bowling or anything except sitting in the coffee house. she said that she wanted to do something healthy and sitting the whole day in the coffee house is not healthy at all. come on..well i wonder when did she turned into a health freak. i’m so broke and there’s no way i can do all those activities. so i told them straight that i can only cough out at least RM20. hmm…call me pathetic or call me selfish. what i want to do, A disagree. what A want to do, i disagree. so we ended up nothing and we went home. haha…

15 May – i actually dragged myself up at 1:30pm. alright..i slept very late. yesterday T said that we’ll leave home at 3pm. i called T but no answer. so i text her. got ready and waited for her call. it’s already 3pm and no one calls. i called her back, she’s sleeping. asked her where are we going, she said no one calls her to ask about it and she fell asleep. she called A, A said she wanted to watch movie or maybe go bowling. T told her that she’s being selfish and so am i. finally we decided to meet at 5:30pm and we went to Mid Valley. no movie, no bowling. A wanted to get her shoes and after getting her shoes we went to Coffee Bean. hah we’re sitting in the coffee house. went back soon after that.

17 May – i baked egg tarts. hurrah…first time baking it and it’s a success. not bad huh..ok it tasted good but looks a lil...can pass la..

received a call from T today and she wanted me to go swimming with her. well she knew i don't swim, i don't know how to swim. but she insisted, she wanted me to go. why? i don't know why at first. so i asked her who else is going. i thought that her cousin is going with her cause they usually go swimming together. however she told me she's going with a friend, and that friend is also my friend. i asked her who, and she said it's A. how interesting. ya we'll go swimming together but not today. sorry..

i have no idea why am i creating this blog, but i'm doing it anyway, so here i am.

T text me yesterday, she said A is in town and want us to meet up this Saturday. why can't T understand? she knew that A and i aren't that close and there's no way we're gonna get better. and of course she knew that i dislike A. still she's telling me stuff about her. alright i'm sure T's not blind, cause most of the time when she mentions about A, i will not be very happy. but why is she still doing all these? ok i know she's trying to be nice, she's caring, she really hopes that A and i can get along like we used to be, but can't she see that there's actually no hope between me and A? it's over and i mean it...it's OVER. i tried to forgive and forget like T did, but i just can't since A did not appreciate every opportunities i gave. fed up with all these. it's just not worth having such a friend around. i believe in quality and not quantity. so i chose to let her go instead. well T and A are still good friends even after what A had done to T but that's fine with me. it's her choice, and i respect her. i dislike A doesn't mean that T should do the same. so i have my own choice too but why can't T just stop, and understand? well i don't know should i go this Saturday. if i did not, T might not be happy, but if i did, then i might not be happy. sigh...