this morning after work, i was supposed to head back straight but being such a busybody, i couldn’t resist but to stop and made a phone call to Rosh to inform her about what i’ve just found out during work (some huge issue regarding a friend of ours). as usual when the two of us started talking, we went yapping like 2 crazy homo sapiens and don't care about what's happening around us.

a while later, i noticed someone was walking towards me and there He was, standing right in front of me. trying to be rude and ignorant, i continued talking to Rosh on the phone for around a minute, hoping that He will walk away. i just don’t think that i can bare the pain seeing Him again.

yup, something went wrong which i don’t know what, as i’ve been left with nothing except for worries and curiosities for the past 3 weeks. although a part of me wanted to see Him so badly, hoping to get an explanation on what happened to US, or should i just quote it as Him and i, but the other part of me wanted Him to go away, just walked away and leave me alone as if He doesn't see me. instead He was glued there, waiting for me.

i hung up and tried to be cool and calm. He was apologizing and telling me that He wanted to speak to me so badly. He was saying that He wanted us both to sit and talk; which i doubt, will it happen? and if it really does, i wonder when. before i could tell Him that He doesn’t owe me an apology but instead He owes me an explanation, He blurted that He felt bad leaving me just like that without any explanation. CRAP!! so i asked for an explanation. but He said that He couldn’t do it now, well at that time. i understand perfectly, He’s not trying to find a way to escape from explaining, but He really couldn’t explain it to me at that time as He gotta work. in the end, we bid farewell (awkwardly) and walked away in a different direction.

i left without an explanation given. i left without knowing what went wrong. i left feeling so stupid and angry. i left feeling the pain, the sadness, and at some point i just don’t know what was i feeling, the feeling was just indescribable. i feel like ripping out my heart and throw it away. i don’t want to feel anymore...