"i feel so dumb for falling into the trap you've set.
i feel so dumb for believing all the sweet words and lies you've said.
you always said something and did nothing. did you actually mean everything you've said? or did you just said it just for the sake of making me happy, because you know that i'll fall for it and believe it? i do understand your situation, that's why from the start i did not hope for anything much. but when you actually said that you'll do something, it means to me that you'll do it because you said so. and that's when you started giving me hope. i'll keep waiting and hoping, but in the end, i realize that it's always a lie, a falsehood. and that leads to disappointment. i hate you! i hate me! but you always know what to do as a recovery. you'll shower me with sweet words and thoughts and the stupid me will always fall for it and believe it. you know that you're good in that and you know that i'll definitely fall for it. then you'll say something again and everything is back to square one.

you've never done it for real, not even once. i keep falling over and over towards all your lies. i'm dumb. i'm sick of this. it gotta stop. i need to get rid of you, get you out of my life. but can i?

i'm sick of all the lies. i'm tired of being your doormat.
i shouldn't have got myself into this at the very first place.
i shouldn't have liked you at the very beginning.
we shouldn't have started the whole thing.
we shouldn't have met.
i should have stayed away from you.
i should have stayed away from ALL THIS!!
if i'm given a chance to turn back time, i'll choose not to know you at all.

whenever i needed someone to talk to, someone to listen to me, someone to console me when i'm down, i know that i can never turn to you because i know that you're too busy, you have something more important in mind. therefore, i'm always trying to be considerate and understanding.
i don't wish for you to be there for me whenever i needed you.
i don't wish for you to call me everyday.
all i hope for is some care and perhaps some love from you. is that too much to ask??
if you really do mean all the words you've said, can't you take some initiatives to proof to me that you're for real? at least for once. but you did not, not even once."

i shouldn't have got myself into this when i already know that it's wrong at the beginning. and yet, i'm stubborn and stupid to get myself into this. i'm torturing myself. but it is not of my will. the feeling just came, i can't control it. why must humans have feelings? why??!