recently, i've done something that's terribly wrong. so wrong that i don't know why am i still doing it. it's something that i used to advise a friend not to fall for it, not to step into it, not to do it. but now, i myself am falling for it, stepping into it, doing it. that friend is going to think that i'm evil, she might think that i'm doing everything for my own good. she's so gonna kill me and hates me. how can she likes a friend who plays fast and loose? but it's always easier to advise people and it's always harder for ourselves to follow it. don't you agree?

i don't know if i should hate myself for what i've done, but i must say that i'm not proud either. i realize that my action might hurt someone else's heart, but at times it doesn't really bothers me. yes i know, i'm mean. all these while, i always thought that my willpower is strong enough. until yesterday, i found out that i'm wrong. i've lost my willpower, my self-control. i've gone further, i've crossed the line; the line that i always tell myself not to cross, as a single step over the line may ruin not only other people's life, but also mine. i'm jeopardizing my own life, how terrible can it sound?! i do know that my action might cause people to hate me, talking behind my back, labeling me with names..i should have known; those are the few consequences that i must be ready to take. but will i be strong enough to take them all?? do i regret for the things i've done? do i feel stupid for my action? wouldn't i feel shy when meeting them, the people who have seen and heard about me? gosh...i really don't know. but to be honest, deep down inside, i do feel a lil happy bout it. omg...what the HELL am i thinking!!!

Trey said that i'm old enough to take care of myself. i'm old enough to make my own judgement. i'm old enough to know what i want and what i'm doing. but i think i disappoint her, i just proved to her that she's wrong. regret or not, guess it doesn't matter now, for everything has happened...already.