this year's Christmas was not a lonely one. Christmas Eve was spent with the ladies; Tracy, Amy and Sylvia. it was a last minute thingy and it was a good one. otherwise i'll be spending Christmas alone at home, which was my initial plan. last minute plan always works for me and Tracy. advance planning is always a failure and disappointment to us.

i worked till noon on Christmas Eve, rushed home and got ready for dinner with the ladies. table for 4 at Santini@SURIA KLCC. the food were just ok. but, to be really honest, all of us were quite disappointed with everything; the food, the service, the ambiance, the songs they played. no Christmas spirit at all. imagine listening to "Never Had A Dream Come True" by S Club 7, "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera and "I'm With You" by Avril Lavigne on Christmas Eve. that's sad. we were up at San Francisco for a while and they were much better compared to Santini. we don't know about food wise, but the staff were friendlier and they wished us "Merry Christmas" once we entered. unlike Santini, they didn't even bother to wish us. but i must say that i do love the pasta, only the pasta.

next stop, Poppy Garden. Amy suggested that we went there because her friends were there. so i met up with bro and his friends. they had planned for a loco party in Poppy Garden for Christmas a week in advance. i actually told him that i'll never be there because 1-i don't know all his friends and 2-my original plan was to stay at home. but i went out in the end. hehe.. bro's friends are really loco loco. i was dragged to the dance floor and was surrounded by all his friends, whom i don't even know. *doink* anyhow, it was a great night.

on Christmas day itself, jie had a BBQ party at his crib. however, everyone left quite early because most of us have to work on the following day. Labbit aka Rosh and jie got me a SPONGEBOB!!! \(@_@)/ OMG, I LUV SPONGEBOB!! thanks humans.. and in return, i actually got Rosh 6 Pooh's fridge magnets (got them in November ok). she loves Pooh. darling Nikki and her hubby, Beh got me a pashmina and she baked yummy Christmas Ice Cake or wateva it's called. they're so yummy.. all the above make this year's Christmas a joyful one. =D

New Year's Eve will be spent in Kaohsiung, Taiwan. fun?? OF COZ NOT!! i'll be sleeping in the hotel and no countdown for me because yours truly have to work. yeah, it's fun indeed. anyhow, wishing all you humans out there a Merry Merry Christmas and a Happy Happy New Year!!!


The food at Santini.


My Spongebob...

recently, i came to have a dream and a thought of changing my career. it's something that i never thought that i'll be interested in. something that i never even thought of when i was younger. most importantly, i never even thought that i am qualified to be one. and just recently, it just popped in my head. it all started when a colleague of mine told me that i should give it a try and he really encourages me to go for it. bro has the same dream too and we were talking about it lately, and everything just came. but i knew that it will never happen. i know that i can't do it. don't ask me why but i just knew that i can't. i don't have the confidence in me. people told me that i should try sending in the application letter; trying doesn't mean that i'll get it. however, i do not even have the guts to send in the letter. what a loser.. 4 years of training and an additional of 7 years bonded with the company if i'm selected, that's just too long. 11 YEARS is what we're talking about. i don't think i can. bro told me that i should consider again. but from the start, i already knew the answer...

December is not my month. first, both my lower legs were injured. God knows how i got the wounds. seriously, i don't know how i got them, i didn't even notice that they were there until when i was taking my shower, i felt the pain and there, i saw the wounds. there's not one, not two, but THREE wounds on my left cnemis and one on my right cnemis. damn kanasai!! now both my legs look super ugly. the wounds have healed but they leave scars. jier..i hate scars. how to wear miniskirts now you tell me?!! it's not that i wear them but hey, scars means U-G-L-Y. wanna wear short pants also cannot. aRrGhH!!!

second, i accidently stepped on my glasses and it's crooked now. i just made a pair last week and i haven't collected it yet. shall collect it later and get my glasses fix too. then i'll have 2 pairs. the one i'm wearing now is a titanium frame glasses by Seiko. the new glasses is a plastic frame one by ... i don't remember. i think it's some cheap brand but the whole thing cost me RM300. not too expensive i guess, compared to my Seiko and previous D&G glasses.

and third, i dropped my watch and the glass/screen cracked. aijor...all the expensive stuff.. it's kiling me.

two days ago, a friend told me that another friend of ours dumped/broke up with her bf of 4 years for another guy, who is hell much richer than her ex. we don't know if it's money that she's aftering or love. but she used to tell us that she loves her bf (now ex) and that they'll never be apart. now guess what, they're history. perhaps it's love that brought them (my friend and the new guy) together. perhaps he really cares for her and that catches her heart and she feels like he's the one (gals will really fall for guys who really care and love them, pay lots of attention and stuff). perhaps she thought of settling down soon and wanted a man who can give her the happiness and everything a woman needs. come on la, the new guy has a very good career and loads of cash (bright future and financially stable), while her ex is still studying and young. or perhaps it's something else. wateva it is, we just found that everything happened just too fast. she just met the guy like end of last month, on the 23rd Nov to be exact and according to my friend, they're together for a week already. \(@_@)/ i remembered her calling me on the 28th Nov and told me bout him (you see, at that time i'm the only one among our friends who knows about his existence, i actually met him first on the 24th Nov). she was saying that he's been treating her really nice, very caring and all the shits. and she actually told me that it's so hard to let go a relationship that has lasted for 4 years. bla bla bla...but in the end, she's with the new guy now and bye bye to her ex. i don't know if i should feel sad for her or her ex. wateva it is, it's her life and it's her decision. she has made her choice and since she's happy with it, i should be happy for her too. but i really do hope that the new guy is true and sincere.

on the other hand, my bro was so messed up, he doesn't know if he's doing the right thing; hanging on to this gal, whom turn out to be a close friend of mine. i knew that something isn't right between them, they're like having this on and off kinda thing. i always wanted to pop the question but don't dare. and eventually, the curiousity just ran out. and i decided to let them be. besides, it's their personal thing, so if they don't wanna tell me, i don't wanna bother. until yesterday, bro finally popped the question to me; whether i think that he's doing the right thing hanging on to this gal. seriously, it's very hard for me to say. one is my bro, the other is a friend. one of his friends told him to let go and that it's time for him to open up and discover new things. he thought of the same because at times, he felt like it's a one sided thing and he felt that he's being unfair to himself. i sort of agree with that. and so, i guess he has made his decision. wateva it is, again it's his life, his decision. no matter what i'll support what he has decided.

this is really funny.. i must say that it does makes me laugh and makes me feel better. i'm feeling great these days. i'm feeling stronger. it's good, since he doesn't call lately (as expected) and haven't seen him for couple of days already.

Some quotes again:
~I could never regret loving you because even if you didn't love me anymore, i know that you once did and that is the most wonderful feeling because i never thought that i deserved your love.
~Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours.

WHY IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS?!! gosh!! when i'm so determine to forget about that someone, they always seem to know it and somehow they'll appear and make me go weak again. i mean ALWAYS!! previously, when i determined to forget about this guy twice, twice he'll appear out of nowhere after missing in action for so long, and started talking to me, caring for me and stuff. and knowing me, i'll fall for even the tiniest thing he said, doesn't matter if he means it or not. yup, that's me. and now, this current human that i'm determine to forget, is stuck in my head again. yes i know, that's fast. i'm so determine to let him go. even if i see him, i told myself to act cool and try to ignore him. and no matter how hard i tried to avoid from seeing him, we will somehow meet unless i or him quit our job, just as some of you might have known, we work in the same company.

so when i was making the determination to let him go yesterday morning, heck, never did i thought that i'll see him yesterday evening itself. F**K ME!! coincidence?? you tell me. well, i was with a friend at the waiting area when i saw someone whom i thought was another friend of mine. as he came closer, i got a shocked of my life. "HOW COME IT'S YOU?" was what i said to him when he came and sat next to me. i know, what was i thinking. well it just popped out from my mouth. i tried to ignore him when he talked to me and seriously, i did not even look at him when he talked to me. i know i'm being rude. so what! if i look at him, i'm afraid that i'll fall for him again. but now, even without looking at him, i'm already falling over him. I HATE IT MAN!! i hate myself for being so weak. i hate myself for being so stupid. i feel so crappy...

"by now, i think i should give up on you. i think i should erase you from my mind and get you out of my life. i shouldn't have waste my time on you. i know i deserve someone better. i deserve a happier life. with you, i must admit that i'm happy but often, i'm miserable. i spent my time waiting and hoping for something that i know i'll never get in return. it's time to move on. i hope that we'll never ever meet again as everytime i look at you, it makes me want you even more. furthermore, i'm afraid that i'll fall for your sweet words and everything again, and it's back to square one. just like what bro said, "there are moments when you wish to leave everything behind and move on, but when your eyes meet the other's again, your knees become weak and you are back to square one". *sighh...* but it's hard for us not to meet again, as you know, we are working in the same company. gosh!! that's the worst thing ever. but for now, it's time to move on....bye..."

Quotes of the day:
~The worst feeling in the world is giving all the love you have and knowing it will never be returned.
~It's easy to make a person to fall in love, but it's hard to say Goodbye.

Garbage
You Look So Fine

You look so fine

I want to break your heart
And give you mine
You're taking me over

It's so insane
You've got me tethered and chained
I hear your name
And I'm falling over

I'm not like all the other girls
I can't take it like the other girls
I won't share it like the other girls
That you used to know

You look so fine

Knocked down
Cried out
Been down just to find out
I'm through
Bleeding for you

I'm open wide
I want to take you home
We'll waste some time
You're the only one for me

You look so fine
I'm like the desert tonight
Leave her behind
If you want to show me

I'm not like all the other girls
I won't take it like the other girls
I won't fake it like the other girls
That you used to know

You're taking me over
Over and over
I'm falling over
Over and over

You're taking me over
Drown in me one more time
Hide inside me tonight
Do what you want to do
Just pretend happy end
Let me know let it show

Ending with letting go

Let's pretend, happy end

Quote of the day:
~It's hard to pretend that you love someone when you don't, but it's harder to pretend that you don't love someone when you really do.

"i feel so dumb for falling into the trap you've set.
i feel so dumb for believing all the sweet words and lies you've said.
you always said something and did nothing. did you actually mean everything you've said? or did you just said it just for the sake of making me happy, because you know that i'll fall for it and believe it? i do understand your situation, that's why from the start i did not hope for anything much. but when you actually said that you'll do something, it means to me that you'll do it because you said so. and that's when you started giving me hope. i'll keep waiting and hoping, but in the end, i realize that it's always a lie, a falsehood. and that leads to disappointment. i hate you! i hate me! but you always know what to do as a recovery. you'll shower me with sweet words and thoughts and the stupid me will always fall for it and believe it. you know that you're good in that and you know that i'll definitely fall for it. then you'll say something again and everything is back to square one.

you've never done it for real, not even once. i keep falling over and over towards all your lies. i'm dumb. i'm sick of this. it gotta stop. i need to get rid of you, get you out of my life. but can i?

i'm sick of all the lies. i'm tired of being your doormat.
i shouldn't have got myself into this at the very first place.
i shouldn't have liked you at the very beginning.
we shouldn't have started the whole thing.
we shouldn't have met.
i should have stayed away from you.
i should have stayed away from ALL THIS!!
if i'm given a chance to turn back time, i'll choose not to know you at all.

whenever i needed someone to talk to, someone to listen to me, someone to console me when i'm down, i know that i can never turn to you because i know that you're too busy, you have something more important in mind. therefore, i'm always trying to be considerate and understanding.
i don't wish for you to be there for me whenever i needed you.
i don't wish for you to call me everyday.
all i hope for is some care and perhaps some love from you. is that too much to ask??
if you really do mean all the words you've said, can't you take some initiatives to proof to me that you're for real? at least for once. but you did not, not even once."

i shouldn't have got myself into this when i already know that it's wrong at the beginning. and yet, i'm stubborn and stupid to get myself into this. i'm torturing myself. but it is not of my will. the feeling just came, i can't control it. why must humans have feelings? why??!

whee...yours truly got a new phone already. bought it on the 1st November and i bought the Samsung SGH-D900, one of the 3 Ultra Edition phones. wanted to get the E900 at first, but after listening to what bro's said, i finally decided to get the D900. it has better features (of course, it's later than E900) and they only differ by RM200. so why not, right? so happy but i'm poorer by a thousand plus now. poor as a church mouse. =( i still have so many things to buy. hopefully i'll be able to get maybe not all, but most of them by the end of the year. so what am i getting?

1 - a new wallet (must have, current wallet looks so horrible, seriously horrible. perhaps i should take a pic of it just to prove how bad it is)
2 - a new pair of spectacles
3 - facial products; cleanser, toner and moisturizer finishing soon


Look at my wallet..

recently, i've done something that's terribly wrong. so wrong that i don't know why am i still doing it. it's something that i used to advise a friend not to fall for it, not to step into it, not to do it. but now, i myself am falling for it, stepping into it, doing it. that friend is going to think that i'm evil, she might think that i'm doing everything for my own good. she's so gonna kill me and hates me. how can she likes a friend who plays fast and loose? but it's always easier to advise people and it's always harder for ourselves to follow it. don't you agree?

i don't know if i should hate myself for what i've done, but i must say that i'm not proud either. i realize that my action might hurt someone else's heart, but at times it doesn't really bothers me. yes i know, i'm mean. all these while, i always thought that my willpower is strong enough. until yesterday, i found out that i'm wrong. i've lost my willpower, my self-control. i've gone further, i've crossed the line; the line that i always tell myself not to cross, as a single step over the line may ruin not only other people's life, but also mine. i'm jeopardizing my own life, how terrible can it sound?! i do know that my action might cause people to hate me, talking behind my back, labeling me with names..i should have known; those are the few consequences that i must be ready to take. but will i be strong enough to take them all?? do i regret for the things i've done? do i feel stupid for my action? wouldn't i feel shy when meeting them, the people who have seen and heard about me? gosh...i really don't know. but to be honest, deep down inside, i do feel a lil happy bout it. omg...what the HELL am i thinking!!!

Trey said that i'm old enough to take care of myself. i'm old enough to make my own judgement. i'm old enough to know what i want and what i'm doing. but i think i disappoint her, i just proved to her that she's wrong. regret or not, guess it doesn't matter now, for everything has happened...already.

the other day i noticed that my place in Bukit Jalil is infested with hundreds and thousands of six-legged crawling insects; ANTS!! i F**CKING hate ants!! God knows where does this creature come from. it's like all of a sudden, everywhere i look i'll see them. they're really driving me crazy and soon i'll go insane. they're like...EVERYWHERE! first, i spotted some on the table in my room. as i was looking for more of them (i believe there'll be more), i saw an army of them happily feeding on a granola bar that Rosh brought. i wanted to kill them all but i do not have Shieldtox. so guess what i did. i took the whole bar and threw it out the window. whee...there goes all the ants, flying like a superman, i mean superants. haha... sorry la, i'm left with no choice but to throw them out the window. i started looking for the trail of the ants, see where they came from. but i still don't know where they're from. arghh...driving me crazy. they're like everywhere, even in my bag which i left on the floor where there's nothing sweet in the bag at all. i even spotted a couple of them on the bed. MY BED!! darn, i tell you they're so gonna die. no wonder lately i spotted some tiny red dots on my body and they itch. i bet it's those ants that bit me. i'm so gonna kill all of them. but how? burn all of them to hell?? i can't burn the house down. i wish that there's this poisonous smoke grenade that is harmless to us, the human and is so toxic to the ants. all i need to do is to throw one in the house - fire in the hole and close all the doors and windows and send all the ants straight to hell. but is there such thing?? i'm thinking too much again. gotta get an aerosol spray quick.

Kit Kat from Japan

From top to bottom: Fruit Parfait Kit Kat, Almond Kit Kat, The Universal Studios Japan 5 Years Anniversary Kit Kat (i guess it's just plain milk and white chocolate Kit Kat).





Fruit Parfait Kit Kat (yummy...)


Almond Kit Kat (tasted like cough medicine. no good..)


The Universal Studios Japan 5 Years Anniversary Kit Kat.

p/s: sorry for the crappy pictures. no skills la..

yours truly decided to get a new phone. not that i don't appreciate the new casing from HC, but i think it's time for me to change a new one, since almost everyone i know got a new phone lately. and besides, i think Mum needed a phone too, so i think this is a good opportunity and a good excuse for me to get a new phone for myself, and my old phone will be handed over to Mum. haha..so much for being a good daughter. hey, my phone is still new ok, currently am using Nokia 6610 (though it's a lil outdated la). so what phone am i getting, you asked? i'm looking at Samsung SGH-E900 now. i know, you must be wondering why Samsung? and i'll say, why not?! when i told jie that i might be getting a Samsung, he went like, "WHAT?!!!" wateva it is, it's up to me la, i like it so what. so i saw the E900 when i was in New Castle and the design is so sleek and nice. i fell in love with it right then and there and i told myself that i'll be getting that phone soon. however, my bro told me that i might wanna consider getting SGH-D900, which is not out in Malaysia yet. so if i'm to get D900, then i need to wait. war lau eh, money flowing out again. DIEEE.....

there are still many things that i wanted to get, but due to my current condition, i try to postpone as many as i can. to name a few, i wanted to get a pair of new glasses (postpone it for months already, the one i'm currently wearing, very old already leh, since 2003 ok), a new phone (still considering), a pair of new sneakers (my Adidas also very long already, since 2003 too). omg...where is my "Choy San Yeh" la???


SGH-E900


SGH-D900

[Source: http://www.samsungmobile.co.uk]

weeks ago, i was talking about trust and being unfaithful in a relationship, as in gf and bf. but now, i've been thinking (yes i think a lot), what about those who are already committed in a relationship, as in married couple? if one is married and committed, shouldn't he/she be loyal and faithful to his/her wife/husband? till death do us part?? yeah my a**. how can some come out and find someone else still?! that's like ber-scandaling. don't they feel sorry and guilty? don't they think about their wife and kids? sad to say, i've seen and know a lot of "this kind" of people.

but for now, who are we to blame? the husband/wife or the new gal/guy (third party)? most of the time, people tends to blame on the third party, for being a family ruiner. but is it like totally the third party's fault? i mean somehow he or she is wrong also la, since you know that fella is married, why do you still wanna get involve in something like that? i know, sometimes we just can't help it. feelings just came like THAT!! then how? blame on that fella for having such feelings?? dunno la. but then, sometimes it's not like totally the third party's fault. the husband/wife should be responsible too, don't you think? alright, i know what you're thinking now. so stop wondering. i sounded like i'm talking bout me right now, don't i? what if i'm to tell you that i'm in this situation now?? you're going to think that i'm a horrible person, don't you? but what if i tell you that i'm not in the situation. will you still believe me? i believe not, right? so WHATEVA..

New Castle Baybeh

so i'm in New Castle now and i must say that i hate all the memories that keep flashing back to me once i've step my foot into Heathrow Airport. it makes me wonder if i should be happy or sad to be back here again. all the feelings turn upside down, they're making me crazy. i think i'm thinking and feeling too much. these should stop.

so from Heathrow, we (Mum, Dad and i) headed straight to Victoria Coach Station to catch a coach to New Castle. i tell you, 13hours flight + 6 hours coach ride killed us all. already my bum is flat, after more than 20 hours sitting (19 hours + a couple of hours sitting at the station), i swear my bum is getting flatter by 2 inches now. serious shit!! we'll be spending most of our time in New Castle. we'll only be back to London on the 24th noon. at least we still have the whole evening and the whole noon on the 25th to spend before catching our flight back to Malaysia.

sighh..and once again, i don't know if i should be glad to be back here. being here again, it brought back many many things. things that i shouldn't remember but i'm remembering them still. i can never tell how much i miss London, how much i miss every little single moment that i've been thru, be it alone or with my friends. sometimes i just wished that i'm never here at the first place. at least i wouldn't be so nostalgic like now. whatever it is, we can never deny the fact that, i was here before...

alright, i'm going to Hong Kong or Taiwan no more. instead, i'm going to London bay beh... so office approved my leave application and the thought of going to Hong Kong or Taiwan has been changed to London. we've got our tickets already; Mum, Dad and i will be leaving for London on the 19th and be back on the 25th. so why changed to London all of a sudden?? i mean good la, i always wanted to go back there and now it's the time. well we're going to New Castle first, Mum and Dad wanted to visit bro first. we'll be there for a couple of days and then back to London for another couple of days before coming back here again. can't wait to go back to London.

~~LoNdOn BaY bEh...HeRe I cOmE...~~

p/s: i'm gonna be so FARKIN' broke man...darn.. but luckily Daddy will sponsor some money. hahaha...

June's Baby

You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around (really??). You love to make new friends and be outgoing (quite true). You are a great flirt (you've gotta be kiddin' me) and more than likely have a very attractive partner (where is he then?). A wicked hottie (rofl). It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!! (this is really funny) In the next 6 days you will meet someone that may possibly become one of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5 minutes.

[Source: from a forwarded mail]

dinner at SOULed OUT with jie and Nikki yesterday evening (to celebrate jie's birthday which was on the 8th August). fish and chips for me, chicken chop for Nikki and curry laksa and dunno what beef stew for jie, and 3 of us shared an 8 inch pizza. 4 other friends came later and they had 3 jugs of beer while me, i had a glass of ice lemon tea (don't really like beer). after dinner, jie, Nikki, Beh and i headed to Matrix at Phileo Damansara for pool. it's been quite some time since we, the "Sam Chi Mui" hung out together. "ah ne, although you're not one of the "Sam Chi Mui" but you're always with us, but you la, balik Segamat dunno for what. dinner's on you when you're back. hehe..." =P

::~*HaPpY bElAtEd BiRtHdAy, JiE!!*~::

check this video out, super hilarious. *roflmao* saw it from xes' blog.

Japanese's English