this is damn funny man. i came across this blog from my friend's blog the other day and i found one post in that blog which is very funny. well, maybe not to you but to me, yes i think it's funny. alright, he found a blog which is in Cantonese and he even attempted to blog in Cantonese. take a look at his Cantonese post. funny leh.. no? nevermind. then, i went to that Cantonese blog that he found and my oh my, it is definitely not easy to blog in Cantonese, moreover it takes time to actually spell every single word out correctly. as for us the readers, we need to spend time reading them carefully to understand what are they trying to say, and more importantly, BE PATIENT. but it's good though, at least i can read and understand a lil. what to do, i don't know how to read Chinese. BANANA mar...

I AM SO FRUSTRATED!! I HATE THEM!! stupid people in my company were blaming me for not turning up to work. i was like, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??!! ME, NOT TURNING UP?? SINCE WHEN?!! just because of a mistake made by one of the staff, i got scolded for nothing by 2 other staff. actually the word 'ACCUSED' seems to be a lil more appropriate. what the hell! yes, that's them. to them, they're the God and we're the Devil. they'll blame us no matter we're right or wrong. to them, it's always our fault. to them, we're always WRONG, they're always RIGHT. that's them, being so inefficient and so ridiculous. well, we can never blame them totally. it's because of the others who always didn't turn up to work and went missing in action, so they thought that all of us are the same just like those who are always being so irresponsible. but hello, not all are like those irresponsible people ok. i talked to this particular lady in the office and she said that it's alright now. it's her fault, her mistake. well thanks to her, i got all the scolding from the others. and thanks to her, i'm now a very well-known person in that department. and thanks for falsely blacklisting me as well. thank you thank you *took a bow*

Happy Merdeka Day!! yay..it's Merdeka again and as usual, i was at home. come to think of it, i've never been out on Merdeka's eve for countdown before. hmm...that's what you call "anak Malaysia" huh? but hey, at least i do sing 'Negaraku', 'Jalur Gemilang' and the 'Tanggal 31' song every year ok.. alright some of you might think that i'm crazy then. who cares...

so after dinner with family yesterday, we went to Baskin-Robbins to get ourselves some ice cream. they have this promotion where when you purchase ice cream on the 31st day of every month, you'll be given a 31% discount. however this month, they have a special promotion for Merdeka, it's called the Merdeka 3 days special, where this offer started on the 29th till 31st. we got ourselves 3 tubs of ice cream; 2 quart tubs and 1 pint tub. yummy yummy... but to be really honest, i'm not a very big fan of Baskin. i would say that i prefer Haagen-Dazs more; uh i miss having Haagen-Dazs especially in London. damn, everything i like somehow seems to be related to London and London and London. i really love that place. all the memories...ah..MEMORIES!!

anyhow here's a pic of the ice cream we bought. talking about picture, i got my camera back yesterday. oh wait a minute, did i mention that my camera was admitted to the Canon Hospital? it was a few months ago when i got to know that it was sick. so i haven't been taking any pictures for months. we only got it fixed like 2 weeks ago and i just got it back yesterday. according to the doctor, there's something wrong with the optical lens, so they have to perform an operation and give it a new optical lens. that operation cost us around RM437. ouch.. well at least it's better than coughing another few thousand bucks to get a new one.


WARNING: Do not lick the computer screen or you might get electrocuted. hahaha...

don't you just hate it when someone borrowed money from you and then pretended or acted as if there's nothing happening?! it's like they're taking money from you for FREE and then spent it and acted as if that's their own money that they are spending. gosh!! people like them are so IRRESPONSIBLE and UNRELIABLE. they did not intend to pay and they didn't even anticipate to pay you back. best of all, they must be hoping that you'll be too shy to ask from them, hoping that you'll be quiet forever, hoping that you'll forget about it soon, and let them enjoy the bonus they've got from you, and then make fun of you for being so STUPID! indeed this is how i'm feeling right now, i'm feeling so STUPID!!

you see, two of my colleagues borrowed money from me few days ago and yup, the stupid me who's trying to be nice, lent them some money and until now, i've never heard anything from them nor have i receive a penny from them. well there's no one else to blame except for me. i'm always this stupid!! that's not like the first time it happened to me. even some of my very own friends who borrowed money from me did not return me back even a penny, and when we were out together, they could just ignore and pretend as if they didn't owe me anything. i'm just trying to be nice and kind and help whenever i can, but it ended up that i'm the stupid one. well i'm not going to wait any longer, i'm going to ask for my money back from that two colleagues of mine who actually disgraced themselves.

i bought another insurance for myself yesterday. i'm going to suffer every month, going to struggle to pay for my premiums every month. man, i'm going to be SO DAMN BROKE!!

bro is leaving for UK next month. he's going to New Castle to study. he was supposed to go to Australia to study but he suddenly changed his mind. i have no idea why. maybe it's because of his friends, most of them are going to New Castle. well it's all up to him. i don't know what's going to happen to my parents by then.

i don't get it. i don't know what is so wrong with me wearing PINK instead of BLACK. yes i know that i'm this funky gal who loves black, but that doesn't mean that i can't wear pink, right? i might be this tough looking gal or should i say i'm like a tomboy, but that doesn't mean that i can't be feminine, right? i love wearing pants especially jeans and sneakers but that doesn't mean that i can't wear skirts and heels, right? stop teasing me if i look different to you guys, ok?? just give me a break, will ya?? after all, i'm still a FREAKING FEMALE!

What Hug Can Do~???

A hug is a wonderful gift to share,
A way to show each other that we care;
There is so much a hug is able to do,
When you feel those arms holding you.

A hug is a place to feel safe and warm,
A comfort for a sad heart that is torn;
An expression of the love in our heart,
For ones who we wish, never to be apart.

A hug is a greeting when we meet to say hello,
Or to say goodbye when we have to go;
It can hold us up when life gets us down,
And makes us smile, instead of frown.

A hug can be given for no reason at all,
And given to those, both big and small;
We're never too old to feel the joy it brings,
As it is one of life's most pleasing things.

And for all of this beauty, a hug is free!
It costs nothing, yet means so much to me;
We should all hug another to show we care,
For to feel a warm hug, nothing can compare.

intoxicated for 4 consecutive nights. never have i been so intoxicated before in my whole life. usually i only drink when i'm out clubbing, and that was like only a day. for the past 4 nights, i've been drinking with my colleagues and God knows how much alcohol are there in our blood, in our body. it might be very common to some people but not to me. we've been forced to drink and during that 4 nights, we've been having JD (Jack Daniel's) and gin.
lots of drinking + empty stomach + lack of sleep = dead human.
time to detox myself.

i'm so relieved to know that my Dad is doing fine. thank God that he's alright. he's suffering from this minor illness which i hope he'll get well soon. i remember once, he almost got hit by a stroke. that was few years back. scary but thank God he's alright. after today's incident, i realize that my Dad is getting old. my parents are getting old. even i myself is growing older. why must we age? why must we age and die? life is so unpredictable. we do not know what will happen to us tomorrow, we do not know what is awaiting us in front. so since we're still alive and young now, it's time for us to learn to treasure the people around us, treasure our lives, treasure the moment we've spent with the people we love. enjoy and have fun. live life to the fullest while you still can.

something very bad just happened to my Dad. i have no idea what's wrong but he's really sick. i'm so scared, so worried. bro just drove Mum and Dad to the hospital. i'm tired but i couldn't sleep. i hope he'll be alright, i hope everything will be fine. i pray and hope that it is only a minor illness. please God, do Bless my Dad. Bless my family because they are too important to me. Thank you.

yesterday we had this so-called advance farewell celebration for one of our colleagues in a pub. it was a great night although there's no one in the pub except for us. that person who is leaving in a month time paid for all the drinks we had. thanks!! it was a great night, a night to remember. a night which i can never forget how crazy and stupid i was. what i've done that night was way far from what you could imagine, something that none of my colleagues dare to do. one of them told me that i was so brave to have done "that". though she knew that person longer than i do, she said that she can never do what i've done. she doesn't dare to do that "thing". couldn't believe that i've actually done that. i didn't think about anything at all when i was doing that "thing". i just did that because i wanted to. on that day itself, i don't think that it's stupid, i don't think that it's crazy until just now, when i was thinking about it again, i seriously couldn't believe what i've done. what the hell was i thinking at that time??!! i started to wonder, but i have no idea. how can i be so SILLY, how can i be SO STUPID and HOW CAN I BE SO CRAZY??!! freaking shit. lets try to forget it because it's over. darn. thank God my colleagues were ok with it, which i hope they really are. phewww...

p/s: that "thing" is not about sex or kiss or something obscene. ok, it's just about piggyback. not a big deal you said? you don't know...it's BIG...to me.

never ever plan an outing. if you wanna go just go. DON'T PLAN. i'm not sure if it happens to others but it always happens to me, and i mean ALWAYS. everytime when my friends and i plan something, we are excited of course, especially me. but never once does the plan works. it will always end up with disappointment.

the plan for yesterday was a total screwed up. the plan was to have dinner with some mates and after dinner, we'll be heading to one of the club in town. it was supposed to be a great night but somehow planning an event is something i don't believe in (yet i'm still doing it all the time). i knew it will never work like what we've planned, and i actually sense that something will go wrong, very wrong. true enough, one by one started to call to say that they couldn't make it and bla bla bla. i was disappointed but what can i do. till the end, only 2 person could make it for dinner, and one of them was me.

since the plan was totally screwed up and dinner for 2 sounds so sad, i decided to call off the night. was at home sleeping until a friend called and asked me bout the night. she was so eager to know what's the plan like and she suggested that we should go to The Loft. i was shocked, she's the type that hardly ask her friends to club. since she's so interested to go and i've never been to The Loft, i decided to go out that night.

i managed to find 2 other friends to accompany me at TGI Friday's while waiting for this particular friend of mine to come. finally she came and she brought along a huge surprise with her. LEE SAN was back!! wow..i gave out 2 shouts when i saw her. the first was nothing, quite low but the second one was loud. that's when everyone in the restaurant started turning their heads and looked at us. i've been FOOLED! next we headed to The Loft and there i met a few friends. friends that i've never met for quite some time. one of them just got back from UK for holidays. he was someone i used to fancy. and i repeat, USED TO fancy.

anyhow, i'm glad that i've made the right choice to go out that night. happy to see Lee San again.

Natasha Bedingfield
I Bruise Easily

My skin is like a map
Of where my heart has been
And I can't hide the marks
It's not a negative thing
So I let down my guard
Drop my defenses down by my clothes
I'm learning to fall
With no safety net to cushion the blow

I bruise easily
So be gentle when you handle me
There’s a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily
Can’t scratch the surface
Without moving me underneath
I bruise easily
I bruise easily

I found your fingerprints
On a glass of wine
Do you know you're leaving them
All over this heart of mine too
But if I never take this leap of faith
I'll never know
So I’m learning to fall
With no safety net to cushion the blow

I bruise easily
So be gentle when you handle me
There’s a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily
Can’t scratch the surface
Without moving me underneath
I bruise easily
I bruise easily

Anyone who can touch you
Can hurt you or heal you
Anyone who can reach you
Can love you or leave you

So be gentle...

I bruise easily
So be gentle when you handle me
There’s a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily
Can’t scratch the surface
Without moving me underneath
I bruise easily
I bruise easily

I bruise easily
I bruise easily

wrote this entry down on a piece of paper on the 22nd July 2005. was in Kota Kinabalu for business trip. here goes...

22 July - i'm in my room reading with the radio on, listening to mix.fm and it's 3:50am now. the radio is playing this song called "If You're Not The One" by Daniel Bedingfield. i'm not a fan of his, nor do i fancy this song. somehow i started to have this weird feeling lingering in my heart. it reminds me of the time when i was in London. i always heard this song on air on one of the radio stations in London when i was working in this clinic. the station is called London's Heart 106.2. they love playing this song over and over again for the whole day. guess i really miss the time i had. how nice if i can freeze the time when i was there with my mates. memories, something to be remembered...ALWAYS..

the decision i've made to go out for dinner with my colleagues yesterday is never a mistake. that night, we met a pilot, Captain Chris and we had dinner together. it was a great night, we had a great time talking, joking and laughing for hours. after dinner, the Capt and i spent another hour talking and i found that he's a really nice chap; understanding, smart, funny, caring. of course when i said that, it does not mean that i'm into him. i think he's old enough to be my Dad, he's probably around his 40s, yet age doesn't matter for us to be friends. but i really do like him as in i really enjoy the time we've had together that night and of course it would be great if we could just stay in touch and be close friends. an older and wiser man as a good friend? why not. and once again, i'm not into him please.

something is really wrong between Tracy and i. lately, we seems to have more arguements whenever we meet. guess there are some miscommunications and misunderstanding going on. it's so hard. she's always hoping that i'll understand her feelings and situations, but can she just for once think about my feelings and situations? i'm just hoping that we'll be fine soon.

it was my big day yesterday; my Birthday. but i never got to celebrate it because i have to work. yeah, working on Sunday was pathetic and miserable, even worst when you have to work on your own once-in-a-year big day. anyhow, Happy Belated Birthday to me!!!

life is so sad once i started working. working hours are so unpredictable and my life is turning upside down. i'm always complaining about my job, but still i'm doing it because i'm left with no choice. ok lets just try looking at the bright side. at least i have a job, a source of income and i'm earning for a living. it doesn't really matter about the amount i'm earning. as for me, the amount isn't important, what's more important is my interest towards my job. i would rather choose a job that i enjoy and am happy with, with less pay than doing something i dislike. but what's happening to me now is totally different from what i've wanted. i must admit that the money i'm earning is quite good but the problem is i'm not enjoying what i'm doing. maybe i just need more time to cope with it. i may look happy but i'm not. it's the "Happy" mask i put on and people do not know how miserable i am inside. it's really hard to live with this mask on. hope that one day, i do not have to live with this mask on to shows that i'm happy, but to have my own true happy face and be the real me.

Quote of the day:
~Do what you love and love what you do. That means, do something because you love it, not because you want it to bring you fame and fortune.

my job is killing me. i'm turning to be a zombie real soon and please, do welcome me into the World of Zombies. i'm working like a slave, a cow or should i say buffalo. actually my job is worst than that. this is so hard to believe and yes, i still couldn't cope with this kind of life. i'm doing my second practical now, and yeah they're killing me. i'm suffering from severe back pain, actually suffering from pain all over the body, lack of sleep (seriously i might just collapsed from exhaustion one day), losing weight and losing friends. been working and working and working, that i have no time at all to spend it with my friends and even my family. sis told me today that since i started this job, my house seems to be a hotel to me. all i do is come back and sleep and go to work again. it's sad to hear that, especially from my own sis, but this is my life now. had a talk with my Mum regarding this matter and i'm glad that she understands. she knew that my job requires a lot of sacrifices, i need to let go many things..

today is our last day in class. after this we'll be heading to our own path and we do not know when will we be meeting each other again. thinking about it makes me feel so sad. we will still be meeting each other for the very last time during our graduation day but things are gonna be so different then.

All the best to YOU GUYS!!! gonna miss all of you...

met up with Tracy yesterday and i am trying to meet up with her as often as i can before i finish my training and started working full time. i believe things will never be the same as before once i started working full time. i'll be spending most of my time working and the time to be spent with my family and friends will be reduced. you might think that it couldn't be as bad as what i've said, but trust me, it is that bad. i'm not doing a 9-5 job. our working hours and days are inflexible. sometimes we'll have to work on weekends, public holidays and special occasions. i'm just afraid that friends might think that i'm forgetting and neglecting them, but i hope that they will understand my situation. this is going to be a tough one. i've talked about this with my family and they understand perfectly. Thank you.

time is running out. we are left with only 7 more working days to go, for us to spend our time together in the same class. after that 7 days, we'll be going to different paths where we will never be able to see each other again, unless we're very very lucky to be assigned to work together. and that is a very rare case. the percentage for us to be assigned to work together is as low as 1%. so it seems to be a total impossible thing.

for the past few days, i was trying to enjoy and appreciate my time with my fellow colleagues/classmates, especially with this particular friend of mine, who sat next to me. we were supposed to have a great time talking to each other, but due to my sad condition (i have super sore throat), i lost my voice for freaking 3 days of work and i couldn't communicate with him. on the last day of work, that was Friday, out of nowhere, he wrote something on a piece of paper which i believe were lyrics, and he gave it to me. he then told me that he wrote those stuff to his gf when he was a drug addict last time. yes he used to be a drug addict. he confessed that to us during his 4th speech and i think that it's so brave of him to tell us that. it's never easy to say something especially something that's bad about oneself to the public. however i was shocked and surprised when he showed me the paper. i think he wanted to share his past with me, needed a friend to talk to about his past. i don't mind listening to him as i myself wanted to know more about him. nothing more, but just as a friend. he's a guy full with mysteries, awaiting for someone to explore it. i wanted to ask him about his past, especially his life as a drug addict before, but i couldn't do it because of my voice. and i do not know should i ask him or not. well lets just wait and see how thing goes..

YES!! finally i experienced something good during my practical experience today. it was hell a lot better than my first one. i was given an opportunity to do something which i think none of my colleagues got to experience it. well finally i got something nice to say about my practical experience tomorrow when we gather in the class again. at least i won't feel like an idiot when people started talking about how fun and how great their experiences were tomorrow.