woot woot i'm home. just came back not too long ago, and just had my shower. it's a wise choice to escape the dinner, to escape from all the noises and questions from my relatives. everyone was asking where am i and about my "work", just like what i've expected. i'm not trying to be unfriendly or rude, but these relatives of mine are just too conservative, close-minded, typical Chinese thinking, what else can i say...i just couldn't find the right word for it. imagine that some of them do not want their daughters to further their studies after secondary school, because they believe gals do not need to study so much for they will need to get marry in the future. what the hell!! thank God my parents are not like them.

i feel quite bad that Nikki and 'jie' have to accompany me out and entertain me. sorry guys, especially 'jie' for troubling you so much and thanks for the company guys.

my doomsday...yesterday, today and tomorrow. someone please stab me to death. decided not to go for the dinner tonight and will be going out with friends. facing my relatives, especially cousins are a real slow and painful death.

woke up today and the very first thing that my Mum said was, "your uncles and aunts are coming tomorrow". wat the heck??!! TOMORROW? isn't that too fast? didn't even hear any news from them and suddenly they called, today, and said that they'll be here tomorrow. shits.. everyone will be here tomorrow because a cousin is getting married. i thought it's next month. hmm... guess i got the information wrong. i couldn't believe it but it's happening and it's happening real soon. i'll be showered with lots of question not present, and hey i'll be the "luckiest" girl on earth. yeeha... i'm so DEAD.

a lot of things happened lately; family, friends and my own personal problems. so much that i do not know where to start, what to say or how to say. some are meant to be remained silent while others, i do not know how to put them into proper words.

alright i did not attend the interview. Mum was making noises again just now. relatives are coming here next month to attend a cousin's wedding dinner. and by then, i'll need to entertain them again. questions that they can never fail to ask:
1) what are you doing now?
2) found a job?
3) are you working now?
4) why aren't you working now?!
5) when do you wanna start working then?
6) do you have a boyfriend now??
bla bla bla..and the list goes on and on..so fed up, so annoying, so irritating. why can't they just shut up and mind their own business?!! darn..

i kinda have a slight misunderstanding with my best friend, Tracy. since we're best bud for quite some time, i believe she should know what kind of person i am and she should accept me for who i am.

we had a chat the other day through msn. after having our conversation about this particular topic, she suddenly told me that she's mad and angry. i was wondering, what is there to be angry about. i don't get it. so i told her not to be mad, and here comes everything. she told me that at times, she finds that talking to me hurts her. she's wondering whether this happens to others or not, but it happens to her. she's not sure whether she should tell me about this, but in the end she told me. she said, "sometimes it makes me wonder why people never get close to you for long. i'm figuring it out but to my level of patience, i think i still can stand it".

well i know i'm not the nice, friendly type of person, i'm not the everyone-wants-to-be-friend-with-me kind of girl. i'm not popular. everyone in school dislikes me, i knew that. i admit that i do not have many friends around. and i do believe Tracy knew that since we were from the same school. what hurts me the most is she, how can she said that to me?! hits me really hard deep inside. how can she said that to me when she already knew i do not have many friends around? if others said that to me, i'm fine, but it's her, my best friend. to me, it's an insult. i was furious yet disappointed. i always thought that she knows me, she understands me. after that incident, it kinda makes me wonder, does she really understand me, does she really knows me? maybe it's because we've never met each other for quite some time, or maybe she feels that she's being left out. or maybe she's been expecting too much from me. the conversation between us went on and i think there were more misunderstandings between us. not a good sign at all and i dislike it.

i was so disturbed at that moment, i decided to talk to a close friend about it and he's been very nice and understanding. to comfort me, he said, "sometimes we think that being honest is good, therefore we chose to be honest. however, being honest only matters in different situation. sometimes people do not know that they are being honest at the wrong situation. they thought it is a wise choice, but the thing is, they do not know. understand that she wants to let you know her feelings, but it's just at the wrong time at the wrong situation". sigh..

it's already Thursday and i haven't reply to the company about my interview yet. i'm still considering, whether to go or not to go. most likely i'm not going. i've read this forum from the internet about the company and most people were complaining about it. a friend's friend used to work there too, and according to him, working for that company is a no no. so basically it's not a very good company and that kinda influence my decision on whether to go or not.

i dreamt of Tim Skold yesterday. i have a crush on him. like him so much. for those of you who do not know who he is, he's the bass guitarist for Marilyn Manson. i find him very cool. don't really know how to describe the dream, but i knew i was very nervous yet excited when i saw him. haha...couldn't believe that i actually dreamt of him. Tim Skold rocks...


Tim Skold

about the job i applied throught jobstreet.com, they actually mailed me back, asking me to go for an interview. hahaha...i never thought that it's going to be so soon. they wanted me to reply them back through email to confirm the date and time. now the problem is, i do not know should i go or not. maybe i will, but if i actually got the job, i will need to travel all the way from Klang to KL to work then back to Klang again. and the main thing is, i'm relying on public transports to go to work. that's going to be a big problem. i think i'll attend the interview. whether to take the job or not, i'll think about it later.

finally there's a progress. finally i'm making use of the jobstreet's services. finally i applied for a job yesterday as an Event Executive in KL. not sure if i'll get it, but at least there's something. finally...

i just took my bath and came out from the bathroom when my mobile suddenly rang.

me: hello...
that someone: hello, Mani??
me: ermm...sorry, i think you got the wrong number
that someone: wrong number??? are you sure?
me: ermm..yes... *pause for a while* oh sorry, who are you looking for again?
that someone: YOU!!
me: huh?? do you....*screams....* ahhh it's you..oh fucker...

ahhhhh.....it's my friend...haha...surprised surprised. i was about to say, "do you got the right number" when i suddenly think again, hey that voice is so familiar. my friend from Canada called. this friend of mine lives in Alberta. gosh...it was a real surprise. at first i thought i heard "Mani" when she actually said, "mandi". i don't know why, but i get a lot of calls looking for an Indian when the number they called actually belongs to a Chinese, and that's ME. duh... therefore, when i heard "Mani", i thought it's a wrong number again. she was saying, "mandi" because before i took my bath, i was online and was talking to her. then i left a message and told her that i'm going to take my bath. it's so stupid and humiliating yet funny. we talked for exactly 2 hours 1 minute. fuh...that's gonna cost her a lot. but she said no worries, it's quite cheap, maybe it's gonna cost her around 6 bucks. i believe we can talk longer, it's just that my phone was running out of battery. in fact, it's totally out of battery and we got disconnected. haha...
"anyhow Lee San, i appreciate your call. very very surprised and shocked and happy. take care and i'll see you real soon."

Lee San is coming back to Malaysia on 23th December 2004 for 3 weeks. a lot of things to do then; lepaking, mamaking, clubbing, and travelling if possible. wohoo...quickly bring your frozen ass back and defrost it here in Malaysia. hahaha...

i had a long chat with Him today. i think our conversation was quite weird. seems like He's trying to find out if i'm still into Him or not. i'm sure He knew the answer, but guess He wanted me to tell Him myself. feel as if there's something really wrong. yes i know, i'm making my own assumption here. and i know that assumption is the mother of all fucked ups. assumptions are created by false perceptions leading to wrong conclusions. before He left, He said that He misses me. but i say nothing to Him.

Nikki is working already. she found a job and started yesterday. everyone is working now, earning money except for me. such a loser. it's been a month since we came back and Nikki's working already when she actually said she wanted to rest for 2 months. and as for me, i told myself to start looking for a job on the 1st October, but look at me now. gosh...suddenly i feel so useless when i'm actually very useless already.

the Korean drama, Stairway To Heaven isn't that bad afterall. however i haven't cry nor drop a tear yet like what 'jie' said i will. he told me that the drama is so sad that his Mum and sisters cried. and even a box of tissue isn't enough for them. i don't know is he exaggerating or what. i've never cried while watching movies/drama series. never ever..no matter how sad it is, i will never cry. not to say that i'm cold-hearted, but i just can't. of course at times i can feel that my eyes were wet, but the tears will never drop. last week 'jie' asked me is the main actor good-looking? honestly i don't find him good-looking, but that was last week. now i realized that i'm so into him. he's so good-looking. hahaha.. the more i see him, the more i like him. gorgeous..


Kwon Sang Woo, the main actor in Stairway To Heaven.


Kwon Sang Woo again.





Choi Ji-Woo and Kwon Sang Woo..love this picture

Lee San went for a trip again. man that bitch is such a lucky devil. i was talking to her last week or two weeks ago about this place called Icefield. saw that from tv, find it very interesting and nice. told her that she should go there one day. guess what. she just went there last week with her friends. cool.. of course i'm not that powerful to influence her or to talk her into this; going to Icefield. it's just a sudden plan, if i'm not mistaken. well i would love to go there one day, i will...but not sure when. how can i go when i'm not earning any income..gee this is bad.

guess what, i started to watch this Korean drama series called Stairway To Heaven. i never watch any Korean drama series at all, like Winter Sonata or Piano or what-so-ever. but now, i'm watching a Korean drama series. i couldn't believe it myself, not even my sisters. well 'jie' did told me about that drama before, he loves it and he got all the vcds for that drama. he even told me that he has watched it for 7 times. 7 TIMES!! that's crazy. as for me, i watch it from tv, it's showing on 8tv and just started 2 days ago. what i dislike about the drama is that they translated everything into Mandarin. so disappointed. i decided to ask 'jie' to burn the vcds for me because i believe it's nicer to watch the original version in Korean and not Mandarin.

for the past 2 months, i've been cracking my head, thinking of the proper words and phrases to fit into my article. i wanted to write an article about fat people; why people look down on them, why are they being treated so badly and unfairly, why some people love to talk bad about them, tease them and make fun of them, showing no respect to them, being mean...it's sort of like discrimination against fat people. but unfortunately, i couldn't write even a proper paragraph. i really wanted to write this but i can't. why do i want to write this? that's because i've seen and heard people including my own friends, teasing and laughing at fat people. as for me, i don't think that is a good or proper thing to do. afterall, we're all humans with feelings. but too bad, i'm not articulate with vocabs. so i'll just dropped the pen and forget about it then.

wow, it's been a while since i update. duh..as if people actually read my blog. haha..well it's not surprising though, that no one reads my blog, coz i tell no one about this, not even my best friends. besides, my blog sucks. it's full with crap, shitty, boring, stupid and lame stories, and seriously there's nothing interesting at all. i kinda created this for myself to read and write, a place for me to bitch, sulk and complain about everything.

so what have i been doing lately? you can guess it for sure, yes..nothing. nothing meaningful at all. staying at home doing nothing as usual, jobless, lonesome and pathetic. have not started looking for a job yet, although i did said that i'll do it on the 1st Oct. it's now 9th Oct and i'm still lazing at home. i'm leading a very unhealthy lifestyle. look at me, still awake at this hour. i'll only be sleeping at the wee hours of the morning and by the time i wake up, the sun is already shining on my ass. ouch.. so how can i work, i wonder? that's what lazy people like me will think about. gosh.. but not to worry, at least i did some homework. i registered in jobstreet.com and posted my resume. that's it. not something to be proud of though, but for such a lazy person like me, it's considered alright, i mean at least i did something, right? ah well i'm off to bed now.

what a weird and funny dream i had today. i dreamt that i'm pregnant. YES, I'M PREGNANT. it's quite big, maybe 4 or 5 months. how can that be? who's the father? i seriously have no idea. i knew that i have a husband in that dream but i don't know who he is. i couldn't see his face, how he looks like but i knew i have a husband. though it's just a dream, it actually feels quite real. i can feel that i'm carrying another life in me. it feels so nice. gosh..what the hell is wrong with me? is this dream trying to tell me that i'm desperate to be a mother, or that i'm going to be a mother soon? talking about desperation, i don't think i'm desperate to be a mother at this age. of course i do want to be a mother one day, but not at this age definitely not at this age. too young to be one.

went to Bangsar last Saturday, 2 Oct. it's my best friend's birthday on the 3 Oct so we went to Bangsar to celebrate with her. had dinner in Telawi Street Bistro. it's a nice place, they serve nice food but the prices are quite costly. we had 1 starter and 5 main courses that cost us RM228 in total. well that's the price to expect if you are dining in places like this. we then went to the Pharmacy in Telawi 2. we opened a bottle of Chivas and we got a bottle of Absolut Vodka for free. that's because there were 8 of us, all gals. they said that if there are 8 gals, they'll give a bottle of Absolut Vodka for free, but only on Wednesday and Saturday. well that's a good one. we finished all the vodka and 1/3 of the Chivas. it's considered a pub not a club so basically it's quite small. not a very nice place though. but it was my first time hanging out with my best friend's friends. we were studying in the same secondary school but we are not close and we rarely talk to each other. i actually decided not to go. but i've been thinking, since i've known Tracy for so long, i'd never celebrated her birthday with her before. so finally i chose to go and it was quite ok though i felt quite awkward at times. anyhow Happy Belated Birthday to you, Tracy.

i'm so blank and empty, my life is totally dead. i've been doing nothing except staying at home, sleeping, eating, watching tv, going online. sometimes out on weekends, then i'll be spending money. nothing else. i'm not earning anything but i'm spending everything. parents are making noises already, wanting me to look for a job fast. recently i've been looking through the newspapers and JobStreet, trying to look for a job. but seriously speaking, i really don't know what i'm into, what can i choose to work, what is suitable for me, what is what, what is this, what is that..there are just too many WHATs. i don't know what can i be or what i'm good at besides being lazy. gosh..this is so horrible. studying life is still the best. how i wish i'm rich. then i can continue studying again. if i have the money, this time i'm going to choose something i'm really into. like what? i don't know. cooking and baking might be good for me, or maybe mass communication. maybe business or teacher, Maths teacher. or i should try pharmacist. argh..see, i don't even know what i want. how can this be?!

parents been pestering me to look for a job. well i wanted to but am just too lazy. WHY AM I SO LAZY?! HOW CAN I BE SO FUCKING LAZY?!! gee..think i need some motivation man.

This picture was taken from the other end of the tunnel entrance at Island Gardens. Imagine how far we've walked, from opposite to where I was standing while taking this picture.


Cutty Sark - the most famous tea clipper

i'm back, back to this boring, hot and humid country of mine, Malaysia. gosh i miss London so much. i was back on the 20th September, touched down at KLIA at around 5:14pm. i had a very good sleep in the plane, though the seat is still terrible. first time ever, after traveling to and fro for 6 times from KL to London, this was the first time i had the best sleep and felt that the journey was so short. was very very tired and exhausted on the day i left. i only had around 8 hours sleep on Saturday and a 30minutes nap on Sunday. that was why i could sleep so well in the plane.

17 Sept - Nikki and i went to Greenwich. it's a very nice place; quiet and peaceful but there's nothing much to see and do there. we went to the Tourist Information Centre, took a map and started walking around Greenwich. we saw this building that looks quite interesting and we went in, turned out that it's the entrance to a tunnel: the Greenwich Foot Tunnel. the tunnel runs under a river called River Thames. we walked from one end, where the Cutty Sark is to the other end which is the Island Gardens and i have no idea how far is that. it doesn't seem far though. when we came out from the other end, we were shocked because it looks pretty far. we then went to the Royal Observatory Greenwich, the home of the world's Prime Meridian - Longitude 0° - and of Greenwich Mean Time. we also stopped by at the Greenwich Market but it's quite empty because it's Friday and not weekends. since there's nothing left to see, we decided to head home.

since Nikki and i will be going back to Malaysia for good on the 19th, i've asked our Korean friend, will he be coming to see us for the last time, and will he be sending us off? he asked me if i want him to come. well of cource i do want him to come, but still it's all up to him. he said that he'll give us a call the next morning and see how thing goes.

18 Sept - slept at around 5am and our friend called at around 11:50am. so only had around 7 hours sleep. friend called to tell us that he's going to play golf with his friends first and later will be going to the coach station to get the ticket to London. he'll call again when he got the ticket. took a short nap in the noon, woke up and cooked dinner, our last dinner in London.

didn't received any call from our friend later in the evening, so i suppose he's not coming. a lil disappointed i must say. then suddenly, he called and told me that he missed the last coach and he'll be taking the earliest coach to London the very next morning. so, he's actually coming. his coach will depart from Bournemouth at 3:15am and he's reaching at 6:15am. and so, Nikki and i have to go to the station to pick him up early in the morning. ah isn't that great? he chooses the RIGHT time. Nikki and i stayed awake the whole night till the next morning, and that's Sunday morning.

19 Sept - Nikki and i took the night bus from our place to Central London at around 4:30am. that's classic. it's totally dark and people think that we're crazy. we couldn't take the tube because tube services start at 6am, some 6:30am. so thank God the buses here runs almost 24hours everyday. met up with him at the Victoria Coach Station and then we went home. all of us were so tired, we decided to get a short nap. couldn't sleep much, i only slept for 30minutes and Nikki slept for 1 1/2 hours. our friend slept the most coz he conquered the whole bed. we then went for lunch and came back, continued packing and then it's time to leave.

he came, he actually came. i told him that it was a surprise and he said that he doesn't want to disappoint me. felt so sorry because we didn't bring him out at all, just stayed at home and sleep and even helped us with all the heavy luggage.

"Thanks for the sweet memories. will be missing you always.."

20 Sept - our 'jie' came to the airport to pick us up. well basically none of our parents knew that we're back, neither Nikki's nor mine. no one in Malaysia knew except for our 'jie'. once we touched down at the airport, i called Tracy. gave her a surprise and she was surprised. haha... she's now in Malacca and have no idea when will she be back. so 'jie' fetched me back first, and when my family saw me, i think they were quite surprised. Mum told me that yesterday, that was 19th Sept, she dreamt that i came back on the next day and my friend fetched me back home. well turned out that the dream was real. coincidence? i don't know. but it's cool..